i met my soon to be ex-wife when i was 31 and she was barely 28. we dated for a couple of years and married two years later and now have two kids.

a year into our marriage, i found some messages on her phone suggesting she was having an affair. she admitted to this but said there was nothing physical.

in late 2012 i suspected she was having an affair, because she acted very suspicious around me. but she denied it until i got confirmation from her phone that she was having an affair with ex boyfriend and also another new boyfriend she had met at a party.

we went for couselling to repair our marriage and also for the sake of the kids. i must confess i was also having an emotional affair with a colleague, and got physical sometime in june 2012, but ended the affair without disclosure.

after the discovery of her affair, i was convinced that she was not in love with me, so i resumed the affair with the colleague, but we had a good marriage i must say. just before this past christmas, she started acting suspicious again, i confronted her but she denied any affair only to find out through pictures on her phone that she actually has had physical affairs with two other men in the space of just a month.

we are separated right now with no chance of reconciliation, however i feel convicted of my own affair even though she doesnt know about it. i know the love is non-existent now even though she is begging me for a last opportunity. i feel its dishonorable to divorce her for something i am guilty too, even if hers is worse.

she appears remorseful, but i believe it is not real as i caught her trying to establish contact with one of the affair partners and even sexting him again. clearly she does not love me, but i feel even if i dont tell her about mine, i should give her another opportunity.

please help me get some clarity, i am so confused.

Sir,

The problem you have faced is a lack of boundaries and failure to follow an affair recovery plan after her first affair.

It may seem impossible now...but it IS very possible to recover your marriage and have a loving exclusive relationship BUT all the affairs must first end.

I encourage you to read Surviving an Affair by Dr Willard Harley. The book is an Affair recovery plan which must be followed without deviation.

Do you want to try to save your marriage? If not for yourself, then for the sake of your kids?

i would do anything for my kids...but i feel within me that she just doesnt want to stay married. her show of remorse does not even look real and i know that even during this separation, she's messing around.

Yes however the Marriage Builder program can turn around the worst of marriages but both parties must be willing to end affairs and follow a program including extraordinary precautions such as no opposite sex friends.

Convicted,

i feel its dishonorable to divorce her for something i am guilty too, even if hers is worse.

Make your confession to your wife, offer to take a lie detector for her.

Expose all of these affairs. Get tested for STDs.

Become a better person even if your Wife does not.

God Bless
Gamma