I was stupid in 2011. I was stupid nearly two years before that when I first discovered what he was doing. Four long years it has been with him getting caught, begging for forgiveness and claiming he has changed.

Yet I never followed through with what I needed to do. I never had him take a polygraph, I never made him see a therapist, I never even really made sure I was safe at night. I let him serve me drinks when I knew in my mind something was going on. And then so many things he has revealed to me that I had no idea about, I clearly do not know him.

I can tell you that due to sleeping arrangements even if he wanted to I really don't think it was physically possible to hurt the kids and that still remains the case. I don't want to say why specifically as it would give more identifying information, but just it isn't happening.

He doesn't have the computer access he used to. This has been the case for years now...and without access he stopped the internet behavior. It has been manageable. I think it is going on 7 or 8 years without an incident. I had never specifically prevented porn from happening, but now it is not possible at work, and also not possible at home or on his phone. If he really really tried, I'm sure there are workarounds but I would be alerted at least on home devices. I was not previously aware he had a porn addiction to the point of using it at work so had never checked into that, but now I have.

Now I am ready to take steps to actually protect myself. I need the poly for peace of mind, whether or not it matters in his treatment, or whatever. I just want it. I will be sending the exposure letter. I guess I could post it here, but you don't think I will send it anyway. You will tell me it's not good enough, you will tell me I suck, I don't know.

He actually just texted me that he now has an appt later in the month. I'm assuming with a therapist, that's all he said. So he has done that on his own. He has never even made an appt before so it is progress. If he doesn't go, it's not progress, but I hope he will. I may ask him to leave the house until then, I don't know yet. But I wouldn't mind finding out what his best treatment options are first. I know he could stay at my parents house, but will they be able to see how much he needs to have controlled, such as internet access, alcohol, etc. It will be a shock to them surely to know how bad it is.

Please consider a separation so that you can get a chance to clear your head. Dr Harley mentioned in his post that within a week, your mind would clear and you'd be able to see this situation with a lot more objectivity.

You met this guy when you were so young! You really don't know what a healthy relationship is. You need space from this to see what's really happening here without the feelings and denial clouding your judgement.

Please ask him to leave and do the poly!! You can figure out how to help him better when you're feeling more sane on your end.

What if he passes the polygraph? That he has never touched his kids, that he has no interest in kids, that he has never had sexual contact with anyone else in our marriage? Will you all still say he is doing these things?

I realize he may not be telling the truth about these things. That's why I want a polygraph. They are supposed to be accurate and admissible in court. I feel that if he passes that, it is the truth. If he doesn't pass, he is all of these things you say he is. I realize that.

But right now, I have no proof that he has ever hurt anyone else in our marriage, have no memories, doubts, questionable moments to think so. I know I may not be aware of everything he could have possibly done, and that's the reason for the polygraph.

It may be that he will be facing polygraphs at random forever. If he is always considered a risk, I will be on board with that. I have thought about setting up cameras, I can be on board with that.

But you all have condemned him to crimes that we do not know have happened. I am not trying to just protect him, I just want the truth. I want the poly it is all I want and think about right now.

I can trust the poly and take it for what it is, pass or fail.

God help you and his other victims.

You are the victim. He is a grown man. What he CHOSE to do was not your fault.

But if you enable him, you do bear that responsibility.

Blackbird, please stop the attitude.\
"You will tell me that i suck.."---NOBODY here told you that you "suck"

Posters here are urging you to take action and you keep making excuses why you cant.

Are you aware that the polygraph examiner may be a "mandated reporter" and required to notify the police of any crimes? How are you going to take a polygraph and protect him at the same time?

I already know your "exposure letter" is worthless because you earlier posted that you wont write anything that gets him in trouble

I hope you realize that once his avenue of drugging and raping you is cut off, the probability that he will turn to your children in frustration increases. The man is a sex offender. Your children are in danger.

IF he fails the part of the test about having sexual contact with minors during the polygraph, I am fine with it being reported. If he is being dishonest about this, I will report it myself. My goal is not to protect him at all costs. At this point, I do believe him. But, I want to know for sure.

I promise to come back and report what the results are. Good or bad, pass or fail. If he has really done anything like that, I don't care about his rehabilitation.i don't care about helping him. I think if that is true he might be beyond help.

Precisely.

The concern should be with the victims. Once an individual is found to be a sex offender, they can never be in unsupervised contact with children. Period.

I do not know that, I am not a professional in the field. However, I know there are alcoholics that go on to never drink again, drug addicts that never use again, and obese people that get thin and never overeat again. I do believe he can change his behavior and that does not mean by changing he has to abuse children.

But even if he is telling the truth about all of those things, there is no doubt that he drugged and raped you. You aren't safe.

It doesn't matter if he takes a polygraph test, that is just more conflict avoidance. What matters is separating from him NOW so you will be safe and exposing his behavior to everyone.

Please stop talking about the polygraph. It has nothing to do with Dr. Harley told you to do. Are you going to follow his advice and separate and expose his behavior?

Did you listen to this again? Has he changed at all since this call?

Will you separate, like Dr. Harley recommends?

And even if he doesn't have unsupervised contact with kids, if he has no problem with drugging and raping the mother of his children, I see no reason why he wouldn't do the same to other adult women he comes into contact with at bars.

Nobody is saying you suck, Black Bird. You're the victim of some horrible crimes. Sometimes it's really, really hard for victims to get out of situations like this. We're trying to help you...truly.

The worst of it, is he has told her about this terrible violation - repeated, drugged rapes - so CASUALLY.
It is because he has control of her so much he expects her to just accept it, swallow it whole and not give him any consequences.

Any normal person would expect their wife to tell the police, help the other sex victim, and take away the children. Yet he acts as though this hasn't even crossed his mind. As though she has no self-will.

Just like when she is drugged.

I've never came across anyone this controlling and chilling on these boards.

I would be tell you to value your kids more.
If there was even a possibility that Markos was harming my kids, he would be out of the house. And it would be up to him to prove his innocence.

But you seem more concerned with protecting your rapist than you are with protecting your children. If you, their mother, will not protect them ... who will?

Even if he is innocent of physically harming them, you are allowing harm to come to them by allowing the man who raped you to stay in YOUR life. Your children need their mother in good mental health. Dr. Harley doesn't take separation lightly, and if he is telling you to separate, you NEED TO.

If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your kids.

This is more conflict avoidance. Saying you are "taking steps to protect myself" and then taking NO steps negates your words. It is just empty talk.

* A polygraph will not protect you.
* Him saying he is going to a therapist will not protect you
* sending a fake exposure letter that doesn't list his crimes will not protect you

An "exposure" letter that does not even list specifics is not an "exposure" letter.

You don't want to post it here because you know we will just point out that it is a sham.

Please separate from him, BBF. Separate, separate, separate.

That is because she has chosen to surrender her reality to her husband. He tells her what is real and she believes it.

That's true, it is her choice.

You have to volunteer for gaslighting.

If you want to email me your exposure letter, I will tell you the good and bad about it...not that you suck. You can click the Notify button of this post to ask the mods for my email.