Kings,

Tell WW you now know that the affair was full physical and there is nothing she can tell you that you haven't already imagined, and that the only thing worse than what she did is her lies. You can forgive anything except her dishonesty!

Tell her just as a sick person has to get rid of there illness completely, she has to make a full confession, you can't forgive what you don't know.

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma, I do understand and she does say this:
"I did hurt you. I did have an affair. I have not contacted him since we talked about it. I told you all. I am sorry. I love you."

She had a PA, refuses to tell you what happened, refuses to take a poly so you will never learn the full extent.

Either you accept her stonewalling you, or you force the issue. That is all there is to understand.

From personal experience being left in the dark without answers to your questions will leave you 30+ years later still needing the answers.

Has she sent a NC letter?

Changed all her contact information?

Ignore a WS's words and look at their actions. Refusing poly? Big red flag.

Thank you all for your wisdom. As you are all aware this is not a 1/2 hour decision and process. Feel free to comment more if you desire and know that I am watching this thread.

Thank you greatly!
King SRR.
Building on quicksand without friends or family.

But back to my questions.1. Am I just like many others in that the details are important to me because of whom I am rather than their importance?
Don't sweat each specific. Just that it was an affair and is over.
2. Is proof of Intimacy make a difference in, what is an affair?
An A is just that. Proof is all that is needed to confront. Admittance and forgiveness is all that is requested.
3. Does it matter that both parties view Infidelity differently?
Many people have definitions. As long as WS and BS are on the same page, R is possible.
4. Am I breaking up the foundation when the only problem is that she has not closed the door to the past by revealing all?
Finally she did confess to her actions.
5. I think I found "proof"; and as others stated that is all you need, details not included; but isn't it more important the WW admit and confess all?
WS confessed to her actions.
6. What if I am wrong and this is all? How to know as the only information is words provided by WW? Which I should not believe.
Only ? left. Any other means than poly? No friends or other details. No full trust in poly and $ to afford. I did pull out all tricks and got much confessions and apologies. Where and how does regaining trust come in?
7. Any others self observed words of wisdom?
Always welcomed.

Kingsrr,

One problem is that your WW knows she is lying to you even if you do not know for sure and your marriage will not recover.

As far as other ways to tell, you can speak with OM tell him you know the affair was sexual and you need to know how many times, act as if your WW already told you about it.

If your WW had money for OM and hotel and who knows how much more WW spent on OM, she has money for a polygraph.

Please do not have sex with your WW as she needs testing for STDs.

God Bless
Gamma

I don't understand why you keep asking people the same thing over and over. If you don't care that your WW has not told you the truth or details that you (possibly?) want to know, fine...that is your choice. If you want to stay married without this information or a poly, fine...that is your choice. Posters have told you about their own experiences and what they have seen work and not work, what is MB and what is not...yet you keep going around and around.

Have tried but OM will not answer phone nor text. His sisters (that he lives with) will not answer my attempts either.
Advise? I am unsure if it is okay with MB to sneak call from WS phone.

This is a lot of my problem.
1mo in and a messed up brain. Unsure of thoughts and ideas.
Please do understand that I hear you but struggle with myself, not posters.

Have you tried Facebook?

Only PM. No responses.
It appears to me that all WW and OM contacts are against me or hate my exposure notice.

Would it help to know that Dr. Harley's program is a very successful plan?

Follow it to your best ability and don't deviate. We will not lead you astray.

Sure its okay.
Call him and tell him to leave your wife alone if he wants to keep his k neecaps.

There is NC and I really do not wish to contact. Not to happy as he was supposed to be my friend also.

Kingsrr,

Ask your WW if you need to be tested for STD? Kissing is physical and is also dangerous since you can catch HPV that way.

And since you have 2 years minimum to recover, WW still has some time to confess, but you don't want to live with these lies when you are 10 and 20 years older.

How did your WW meet OM?

If there was no physical affair OM would not be avoiding you, OM know what the cost of being discovered by the BH and run and hide.

God Bless
Gamma