Thanks, I needed to hear that. The whole open and honest thing is a big deal because my marriage fundamentally lacked honesty on both sides for such a long time. Feeling dishonest even if there is no merit to it is uncomfortable because I worked hard to be open and honest for many years both during and after. But still... you're right. I'll talk to her and see how it goes. I don't plan on going into detail, just that I was out with someone else last night and a frank discussion about our current dating statuses.

Yes but there is a huge difference in being O&H with a marital partner. You are 'one flesh' and share legal responsibilies and financial property. So you have to think and move as one with no holding back.

I am a very O&H person as it's my top need and I need it to feel close to others. But there is no way my friends know my every move, thought and intention.

I am O&H with my boyfriend; not cause I think I have to be but because it is fairly easy as we've grown closer. I would have struggled to be so before we were exclusive, because it isn't as close a relationship.

After the date last night with KAREN and the date with AMY this morning, I've come to the point where I want to date AMY exclusively. I like KAREN. That's not the issue... I want AMY. With that realization, I cannot keep seeing anyone else. So, in the middle of kissing her, I stopped, told AMY that she is free to date who she wants but that I felt like I couldn't date multiple people anymore and that I would only date her going forward. She smiled, said, "thank you for telling me," and we went back to kissing.

I will say that I feel vulnerable and a bit like I'm on a cliff here but I'm going for this. If she doesn't reciprocate, I will have tried and followed my heart. Alright, enough of the sappy stuff. I'm sure there will be plenty of comments on my latest decision.

Did you tell Karen?

I will tomorrow. She's going out with her girl friends tonight and I don't want to potentially ruin her evening.

Kissing is great, in fact I'm sure it's amazing! But make sure that you are using your head and evaluating her heart, character, and actions.

I married a very pretty girl, with lips like my bothers couch (extra credit if you can place that line in a movie) who could rock my world with little effort, but in the end, she was a renter, and it seriously hurt.

Just looking out for you my friend!

I know ak1 and I appreciate the concern buddy! I think that's the difference between the two. I had a great time kissing both. They're both great people. With AMY I admire her morals, her caring nature, her ability to listen, her empathy and her character. She truly is a beautiful person. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to pursue her with both eyes open. It's not about the kissing although it's damn good.

It's exciting you like her so much and you sound level headed about the whole thing. If the other people you are seeing are kind of fading in comparison then it's better not to waste their time.

It will probably be some time before you see how she approaches PoJA or gives anything away about her relationship attitude. No reason not to go along with things until you do see some of that though.

What's your approach going to be while she is dating others but you aren't? Are you going in full throttle or will you step back a little?

My boyfriend told me early on he wanted to be exclusive and not date others even if I wanted to. So I was kind of on the other side of the same situation.

He later told me that if I had opted to carry on multi-dating he would probably have had to scale back contact to 'friend level'. He said that would have been calling/texting me like once a week rather than every day.

He said that would have enabled him to protect his own feelings a bit while giving me space as I did my own thing.

I don't know honestly. Just by what I've seen, the pursuit has been what has gotten us close so far. She says she really likes me and that I make her smile so often. But I am leaving myself vulnerable to not getting picked; to her choosing someone else. That will only become more difficult and more heartbreaking as time passes.

I think I'm going to keep pursuing her full throttle and see how it goes. Go big or go home. Or crash and burn horribly.

How long did you continue to date others before you chose?

Well scratch that, AMY just called to say that she felt compelled to date the other guy exclusively. Sigh... alright.

Good thibg that you didn't run off Karen ....

True. I hadn't ended it with KAREN yet although I had intended to talk to her about it tonight. So... I have a date with her tomorrow night. I'll shake off the AMY thing tonight and I'll be ready to have a good time tomorrow with KAREN. Things change quick in the dating world!

I'm just going to take it as a serendipitous phone call; I was obviously about to make a mistake and my declaration of exclusivity yesterday was enough for AMY to make up her mind. Fair enough, I'm glad she told me.

sorry TC. That's tough.

Thanks Z, I appreciate it. It'll be alright... it happened this way for a reason. I did tell her to keep my number in case it didn't work out with Mr Wonderful so I could theoretically hear from her again. I'm not holding my breath though. Rather, back to dating and more specifically, back to dating KAREN who is incredibly excited to see me tomorrow and thinks I'm amazing.

Oh....I wouldn't tell her to keep my number....
thats too much of an outreach

Already a done deal my friend; I told her that at the end of our phone call. I doubt it'll ever be an issue though.

Now THAT is great! Plus, I hear she's a great kisser (wink).

You know, as dating goes, I would not be surprised if you heard from Amy again. I have heard from every single guy I've dated (i.e. went out with 2+ times) this past year, even if it was just a 'hey, how are you doing?" friendly thing. It's no big deal if you've met someone new - but it's harder if you're not seeing anyone at that time and feeling vulnerable.

I'm impressed with your 'dating turnaround.' Maybe it's because I'm a girl, but I have a hard time getting over someone I really liked, and everyone else pales in comparison for while. It would be nice if I could bounce back more quickly, but I guess hearts don't necessarily follow a perfect timeline.

Anyway, have fun this week!