I can't speak to the reasons that betrayed spouses expose their rapists, but I think it is a good idea to get it out there regardless of the reason. Just like we post photos of sexual predators, rapists and other criminals, I see this as a way to keep society safer.

I view this as a service to society.

The difference between you and me is that you view the TRUTH as a "punishment." It is not. I do not view the truth about me as "punishment." It is simply the truth. And a truth of MY OWN MAKING. Almost everyone in my life knows I am a recovering alcoholic. I don't try to deny my past.

I have nothing to hide.

I am baffled why anyone who claims to be repentant would object to the truth being spoken about them? Why fight it? Why not just say "yep, I did that!!"

True, with the important difference that these are people who have been tried in a court of law, found guilty by a jury of their peers beyond a reasonable doubt, and sentenced by a judge, who then orders them to be added to the registry.

I seriously doubt anyone posting things on sites like homewrecker.com have gone through a similar process.

We aren't talking about someone who has been tried and convicted in a court of law of a crime here.

"Everyone in your life." That's the difference.

Everyone in my life knows about my affair as well, and I'm fine with that. I don't deny it or try to make excuses for anything that I have done. I own up to my mistakes - to everyone in my life.

But the internet can be accessed by literally everyone on the face of the planet. I doubt seriously that you broadcast your status as an alcoholic to every single person on the planet. What would even be the point of that?

I do agree that adultery should be treated as a crime!! And so does Dr Harley. That would be great if that were the case. Have you ever read his book, Defending Traditional Marriage? In that book, he makes the case that there should be criminal and civil penalties against adultery. Wouldn't that be great?

The reason sexual predators are published is because they continue to be a danger to society - studies have shown that these people continue to sexually assault, even after extensive intervention.

This is not the case with adultery: we see marriages recover from adultery on this forum all the time! If adulterers were a continual menace to society and to their spouses, then MB would not exist and Dr. Harley would not have spent his career helping marriages survive and thrive after affairs.

BTW, other types of criminals are NOT published because the devastation wrought by a lifetime of public shaming far outweighs the risk to the public. This is a choice on the part of our criminal justice system: to help offenders become productive members of society once more.

Has anyone read Les Miserables? It's quite an amazing story about crime, repentance, continued punishment by society, and ultimately - redemption wrought by grace.

"She who has been forgiven much, loves much." - Jesus

That's a fair question. In Oregon, the state Labor Commissioner publishes the names of construction contractors that have repeatedly violated the state labor laws. Their names are pblished on his state website and they are banned from performing public works projects.
In Kentucky, the state tax department publishes the names of deadbeat taxpayers on a government website.
There are many such examples of government agencies publishing names of those who violate laws.

Adultery destroys the family. Who places more of a threat to the local community? A deadbeat taxpayer from KY, a cheating contractor from Oregon...or a homewrecker down the street?

Who is more of a threat to the local family?

I think it would be. But until it is, you can't really compare exposing adultery on a site like homewreckers.com to the National Sex Offender Registry, because it's just not the same.

There's really nothing stopping someone from posting an innocent woman's picture on that site simply because they don't like them. There has been no court case to prove the guilt of any of the people on that site. I'm sure most of them are true, but if even one false profile is listed on the site, it's likely to open a huge can of legal worms that could involve costly lawsuits. With the sex offender registry, the person being required to register has already been found guilty by a court of law, so that really isn't an issue.

Posted again, because I think some may have missed these.

And many adulterers do commit the crime again if they are not held accountable. This is a great way to hold them accountable. They are a danger to marriages and children's families. The more people who know, the safer she will be.


Being ashamed of being bad is a good thing, not a bad thing. You should be ashamed when you commit despicable acts! Since adultery is a crime that reaps so many victims, it is a great idea to publish their names.

I can't think of a better way to protect society.

On a recent radio show broadcast, Dr. Harley expressed frustration at the high number of adultery cases when military personnel are overseas and men are pursuing their wives at home....Harley suggested that the government should make examples of a few of these men and send them to prison for 20 years and a lot of the adultery would stop.....

Okay, but none of your examples involve someone who is merely being accused of something by another individual. They all involve people who have committed a verifiable crime that they have been convicted of.

What's to stop somebody from posting the profile and photos of somebody on homewrecker.com simply because they don't like them and want to harm their reputation?

I do compare it because it is exactly the same principle. Exposing people in a such a public way is helpful to all concerned: to the perp, her victims, her future victims, etc. An adulterer is just as dangerous to society as a sexual predator or any other criminal. Sadly, it is not against the law anymore.


The courts are not the arbiters of all truth, though. And of course, no one wants to see an innocent man/woman accused publicly of something they did not do. I hope the website is taking care to prevent that.

Z, writer, this is getting ridiculous. No one is advocating eternal punishment for the wayward or any other such nonsense.

It is not a punishment to have your affair (past or present) exposed. It does not harm you, except for maybe your pride. My affair was 3 years ago, and Markos is free to discuss it with anybody he sees as necessary.

Frankly, I tend to welcome the light of day into my life. It makes me a better person.

The fact is, they are online. If someone drives drunk and gets arrested or goes shoplifting and is caught, such information is easily found on the internet. Most city and county courts offer online access to court records as do many police departments.

Adultery is one of the few moral crimes that is legally sanctioned in our legal system so it is not found on most government websites....

Do you imagine that the courts are the arbiters of all truth? They are not, I assure you. People make false accusations against others every day. I would say that this website is not any more immune to that than our criminal justice system.

I so agree and am baffled by that perspective. How is the truth a "punishment?" I thought that committing adultery and destroying families was the "punishment!"

It is not a "punishment" to tell the truth about me. If someone says I was a turd and a bad guy, I would just agree with them!

I think that perspective comes from someone who is in denial.

I do think there's a huge difference between my husband discussing our situation with someone he knows, and having a story posted on the internet with my name and face on it for everyone in the world to read.

Nothing, but nobody owns their own reputation. If people lie about you, the best solution is to tell the truth. Everybody is entitled to make up their own mind.

Anyway, this is kind of a sidetrack from the main situation we would be concerned about here, which would be cases where it IS the truth.

I doubt the website has any type of verification process.
People come to this website daily and sometimes its hard to get any information out of them; and most waywards will lie about the nature of the affair anyways.

The fact is, the website owner is probably just a businessperson trying to make a profit in a niche area. There are ads on the website, which probably pay for the hosting and generate profit for the owner.

In the past, I operated a few websites and it's a lot of work to maintain; I dont think it would be possible for a website owner to verify adultery on a free website.
The person that owns this website may own 100 other ones...

Dr. Harley said he supports "the idea of exposure" and that was how he supports the concept of the homewrecker site.