Hi, I'm finally getting a divorce. You can see what my marriage has been like on my other posts. Basically, 25 yrs of abusing the kids, pets, and myself. He's got a new girlfriend, and is pushing to settle. We have a business together, but he has many of the properties either with late payments, or close to foreclosure. I just checked my credit report, I have 6 adverse accounts? I'm not going to pretend I know much about credit reports. I'm wondering if I'm thinking right about the settlement.

I get:

Full physical custody-very important, joint legal (not good with an abuser), no parenting plan in place, just "reasonable visitation". We're dealing with older teens.

One of the houses, but he pays it off in approximately 5 years. He just got this out of foreclosure in December, and hasn't paid the January pmt.

2 cars that are paid for, he keeps the other 4 (2 are not in great shape).

He keeps the business. We can't refinance, so I'm still on the loans. The banks are calling me about them being 30 days late already.

No alimony-he refuses.

If I don't agree to this immediately, he will run the business to the ground. Plus, he will continue with the custody.

Should I take the deal as is for the sake of the kids, since my credit is basically poop already? I could take one of our cheaper houses, that I could pay the payment on in case he refuses to pay. That house is about 1/2 the worth . The kids are also attached to the more expensive house, since it was their childhood home.
Or I could fight it out, but would probably end up paying most of our equity in lawyer fees, not to mention emotional expense.
Did I mention my husband is very vengeful? I'm also worried about that too. It's taken me 25 years to get out. I don't want to be stuck with no money, but also don't want to waste another 1-2 yrs dealing with this junk. I could really use some insight.

Thanks

Do you have an attorney?
What is the attorney's advice?

I do. He doesn't know how to advise me, it's too crazy. My husband is refusing to send in the discovery papers. It's a month overdue. I don't think it will help, I know our finances are bad. He refused to pay on over half the loans for about 4-6 months. Last time I left him, he purposefully got rid of our lake home by not paying for over half a year. His threat to destroy the business isn't an idle threat. To say he's controlling is a huge understatement.

I have to tell the lawyer tomorrow if I'm agreeing with the proposal. I kind of want to put in that I would get a different house in addition to alimony if he loses this house(which he probably won't pay-self employed). I'm afraid of making him mad though. I have a deal right now, if I don't cooperate, he's threatening to put everything on me and walk away. I haven't been storing up money over half a year like him, so I couldn't get them back on track financially. I don't think I could handle the business myself either.

I would not take that "deal." It sounds quite crappy and leaves you financially tied to him in many ways. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT. You are better off taking a financial/credit hit all at once vs being tied to that idiot or underwater property...which would be a never ending nightmare.

If you are entitled to alimony, I would not walk away from that. Having a vague parenting plan can also be a nightmare. Why is your attorney being such a weenie?

So, you would let it drag out? Make him sell all the properties since we can't re-fi? This has been very stressful on the kids. In a way, I just want to be done. He's happy right now, with his new girlfriend. I've had OFP's on him, he gets scary. Is it better to just take the financial hit and be free, or kick the rattlesnake?

I'm not saying let it drag out. I'm saying make your lawyer do his job. That is a [censored] settlement. You can take it if you want but I wouldn't...you will not be free of him only divorced. The finances will keep kicking you for years to come with that settlement.

How long has the divorce been going on? What state are you in?

He's a weenie because my husband's the type that would rather go to jail than pay me a dime. He said I could get alimony, but I would have to depend on him to write the check. Do most men pay?

It's taken 25 years, and many attempts to get away. My lawyer also wants me to be safe.

7 months, Minnesota

too many, welcome to MB! My first thought would think safer to go along with the offer, he will feel like he "won" and be less scary for some period of time as a reward. But then is he someone you can trust? Leaving a lot of things still open like that, there still be more concessions he will continue to use for leverage with you going forward. I have heard of folks running businesses into the ground. I know one woman whose then H committed suicide right after the divorce went through and the whole thing had to go through probate. Her and her family struggled financially for a few years after that until it was all settled out.

What do you think about going to the battered women's support on your community for guidance?

That's why I was thinking of taking the cheaper house. I think I need to be prepared for him to pay nothing.

No, I can't trust him. We were actually separated for 2 years, until he found me. He started threatening me if I didn't come back, he couldn't promise what he would do. He just bought a sniper rifle. I ended up coming back for a year, because it was safer to be with him.:(
I know one woman whose then H committed suicide right after the divorce went through and the whole thing had to go through probate.
I could totally see that happening, only murder suicide. Law enforcement, military background

It sounds like the "business" isnt really a business at all....
One man operations arent businesses, they are self employment jobs.
Does the business have any assets?

Normally, the attorney will have the judge appoint an independent CPA to value the business

How old are your kids?

15 1/2, 17 1/2, & 18.

It's a 1.5 million business, with about $400,000 in assets. He has property taxes, utilities, and loans racked up in addition. The nice house I'm supposed to get is worth about $125,000 (pretty low cost of living where we're from). There's only $25,000 left on that house. I could sell it right away too, so he doesn't mess that up.

I would come up with your own proposal. By accepting his offer you will be at his financial mercy for years. If he is pushing you to settle (likely because of the gf) he may still sign if he thinks he "wins."

Does he see the children now? What is the current custody arrangment? Luckily they are older.

ETA: The youngest one is really the only child that will be affected by child visitation. The others will be out of high school this year and next...I am assuming.

How do you know the value and assets?
what is 1.5? annual gross receipts?
what are the "loans"?

You need this information

How much are the loans? If there is barely/no equity, I'd let him have it and all the headache that goes with it.

how much profit did the business report on its tax report last 3 years?