This bar story is interesting; The only detail missing is what music was being played from the jukebox: david allen coe or merle haggard.... but you are still at step 1: exposure.

Is there a number that he excessively talks/text?

Do you know all the numbers?

Since the OW tagged your WH on Facebook, you know who the OW is, correct?

I know her number from when he was home on leave last August. He has called/texted it but not that much. There are 2 other numbers that he is calling/texting quite often. One started showing up the day he went back to work and the other yesterday. The same friend that went to the bar called one of them and a guy answered. I am assuming the 2 new numbers are guys that he works with and were probably at the bar too.

My friend is coming over this morning to help me figure out how best to do this. I have looked at the exposure 101 thread and the Facebook letters look like what I will use. My only problem is her friend list is private. I know who her parents are and a few of her close friends so I guess I could start there. I hope that the chaplain calls me back today because I don't want to expose on Facebook before it is exposed at his unit. I want to try and do it all at the same time.

I am so scared about what his reaction will be. I know he will be furious. He is just so lost and I feel like he is only doing this because of OW. He is so wrapped up in her lifestyle that he thinks it is what he wants. This is definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I really felt like I was making progress and getting stronger but after the past few days I am beginning to wonder. I could hardly get out of bed yesterday. Hopefully exposing the affair will get him away from her long enough to realize he has made a mistake.

You also need to contact the military IG

I am really struggling with exposure. I want to call the chaplain back tomorrow since I have not heard from him. My question is if I give up her name should I also be exposing to friends and family at the same time? I am hesitant to send anything to his parents. They have met her and haven't spoken to me since this started. We have always had a rocky relationship.

Finding out that the tattoo on his ring finger is my name and that he still has feelings for me has thrown me for a complete loop. I feel like I am back to square one and have lost all of the progress I have made since this started. I continue to follow the call logs and feel sick every time I see her number. It is a military 4 day weekend so I know if I don't do something tomorrow I will have to wait until Tuesday. Waiting might not be a bad idea either. That would give me more time to get myself together so I don't come across as weak or desperate.

I am so angry that he has been home a week and only spent 20 minutes with his daughter. I understand he is in a "fog" and is acting like an addict, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I just don't understand the whole thing. Is he going thru PTSD, midlife crisis, deployment stress, or all of the above? It was so much easier when I knew he was in Afghanistan. I miss him so much and just want him to come home.

Dr Harley would encourage you to expose the affair to family, friends, clergy and the military. Also expose to family and friends of the OW

Don't be afraid to expose. I have been there, I've felt the embarrassment, the fear of how he will react but the key is exposure. It will stop the fantasy and bring his choices to reality and make him face the consequences. Exposing is not a punishment it is an attempt to save your marriage by killing the affair. Tell everyone you expose to that you want to save your marriage and you need their help, ask them to help bring your H back to reality.

Secondly, expose to your child. She is probably so confused about what is going on. She needs to be able to trust that you will not lie to her and that you are there for her.

Thirdly, don't give your H a pass. He was not taken advantage of he willingly participated in an affair and it started because he has poor boundaries. DO NOT accept him back without extraordinary precautions in place. You have to protect yourself and can't allow yourself to be victimized by your H's selfish behavior.

Lastly, protect yourself and speak to a lawyer and get him the evidence of the A. If your divorce does get finalized you need to be protected, your H SHOULD NOT get off scott free for poor choices, you did nothing to cause the affair he chose to have it. Nobody has a perfect marriage and there is absolutely no excuse for an affair.

If you have proper evidence you'll feel better when everyone knows.

If you have proper evidence you'll feel better when everyone knows.

Well my husband has been home a little over a month. A lot has happened during that time. He actually started communicating with me. We have spent time alone and as a family. He told me some of what he has been doing but never mentioned OW. Last week he said that he wanted to put the divorce on hold and figure things out. He even went to my daughter's counseling appointment and mine. In front of the counselor he said that he planned on postponing the divorce. The sap in me believed every word which was a big mistake. Now I am emotionally sucked back in.
I actually questioned him about the OW and of course he lied. However, I knew when they found out I knew she would change her Facebook settings and she did. He has been at his parents with our daughter the past few days. From looking at the phone records they have been talking quite a bit.

I feel like I have been, and continue to be, played for a fool. That all changed today. I actually went to his chain of command to press charges. It seemed like I was being backed into a corner that I couldn't get out of. I also went to my lawyer to discuss the divorce. The day after he said he wanted to work on things my lawyer called to say his lawyer had sent over dates for a final hearing. I was stunned and he claims that he didn't ask for this. He only asked for an appointment for an update. He even called, on speaker phone, his lawyer and left a message questioning it. From the phone records he hasn't tried to call back.

He is bringing our daughter home early in the morning so it will be interesting to see how he interacts with me. I have to play stupid so he doesn't figure out what I have done. I am sure things will get bad once he finds out about the military investigation. This time he will be blindsided. I am pretty sure he thinks I would never do something like this, but I had to stand up for myself. I didn't know what else to do and the OW is still in the picture. It is obvious from his behavior the past few days he has chosen her. They are both in for a rude awakening. I know he won't be happy about it. I'm tired of being blindsided and lied to. He is going to see that he can't walk on me anymore.

You were encouraged to expose.

Did you expose?

The affair should be exposed to family and friends, and the OW family and friends in one day

In addition to going to his command, you should file a complaint with the Inspector General office