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OP
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I have been having problems with my wife. Shes been very distant from me lately but truthfully we've had some problems for awhile (mostly about kids). I work long hours and usually get home real late but shes been great about it all this time. A few nights ago I came home early with flowers to surprise her one week before her birthday. To my horror she was in OUR home with another man (cuddling together on OUR sofa) when shes told me she'd be at work all day. She now claims that there's nothing going on between them, but I cant trust that this is the truth! There are tons of calls on her phone to strange numbers including his I'm sure. What do I do? I want to trust her but she is already lying to me.
Last edited by 235; 02/04/14 06:52 PM.
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If you saw a man on your couch cuddling with your wife, then that is evidence of an affair. Who is the man? Is he married?
How old are your kids and do they know about the affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He's someone she works with. I don't know if he's married I've actually never met him before but that's how she introduced me when I walked in. Need less to say, my flowers dropped right to the floor.
We don't have kids yet, a big part of our issues were over her needing them now and me not being ready.
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I would start doing snooping to see what is really going on. In the meantime, go read through the links in the "start here first" thread. What is her explanation for cuddling with a man on your couch?
I would also check out the OM and find out his marital status.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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235,
Woww,, that would be very shocking!
But don't allow it to immobilize you! Get busy and start searching. Copy all those numbers and find his number.
Be Sure to read and check all the links in the "Start here first" thread that was provided by Brainhurts. That will be very important in guiding you through the first steps and providing you with the information you'll need to follow & understand the first steps.
How long have you been married?
Dday- Feb 1998
Recovered!!
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Your W is having an affair. Cuddling on the sofa... You know bringing the OM to your home is a realy bad sign. It is also not the first thing you do in an affair. THis has been going on for some time.
Also you can't trust your wife that it is a coworker. Your wife is currently full of lies and you can't trust anything she sais.
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Cuddling looks bad - what did your W have to say? Was it a true "cuddle" or was it holding on the way someone does during a scary movie? Please don't accuse her before getting all the facts. Been there, done that and I've been sorry ever since!
Last edited by Missy80; 02/13/14 02:43 PM.
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Cuddling looks bad - what did your W have to say? Was it a true "cuddle" or was it holding on the way someone does during a scary movie? Please don't accuse her before getting all the facts. Been there, done that and I've been sorry ever since! Sorry about what? You found your husband cuddling another woman on your couch? On what planet is that even normal...
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Um, my husband better never cuddle any woman in ANY way. There is no RIGHT way for a married person to cuddle someone they are not married to.
Cuddling = affair. Period.
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was it holding on the way someone does during a scary movie? Wow - that would be an affair. I would be devastated if my wife watched a scary movie with some other man and held onto him. And vice versa. She'd probably leave me if I did that. And vice versa.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Cuddling looks bad - what did your W have to say? Was it a true "cuddle" or was it holding on the way someone does during a scary movie? Please don't accuse her before getting all the facts. Been there, done that and I've been sorry ever since! Don't sign up at Marriage Builders just to help people whistle in the dark and fiddle while Rome burns.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Cuddling or even holding someonelses spouse while watching a scary movie is UNACCEPTABLE on every level.
At the very least it shows the worst possible boundaries with the opposite sex
There is absolutely NO possible legit reason to be on the sofa with another man(even if they are just sitting next to each other)
Then you throw in the facts that they were alone, and the husband surprised them, hundreds of phone calls, wife lied, etc.
Yep, better get all the facts first.
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Cuddling looks bad - what did your W have to say? Was it a true "cuddle" or was it holding on the way someone does during a scary movie? Please don't accuse her before getting all the facts. Been there, done that and I've been sorry ever since! Don't sign up at Marriage Builders just to help people whistle in the dark and fiddle while Rome burns. When a spouse in an affair tries to make their faithful spouse question their beliefs about what is acceptable, and tries to make them feel that affectionate behavior with others like this is acceptable even though it hurts them horribly, we call it gaslighting. It is one of the worst forms of abuse imaginable. When your spouse gives affection to someone else like this it HURTS horribly for most normal people. It hurts even worse when they are induced to question their own reality and question whether they should feel offended or not. Please do not sign up at Marriage Builders to help make the trauma worse by assisting in gaslighting.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Not fiddling or gaslighting. I was the woman "cuddling" someone in a movie theater. My husband followed me and only saw the worst scenerio. I was with a female friend and we went to see a popular scary movie. For a brief time it looked like "cuddling" but it was very innocent.
Of course he didn't believe it was a girl or that it was innocent. It was months befoe he even spoke to me again. All I'm saying is ASK before assuming. Granted, his wife and another man looks suspicious -- but is it really? Maybe he was gay.
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Not fiddling or gaslighting. I was the woman "cuddling" someone in a movie theater. My husband followed me and only saw the worst scenerio. I was with a female friend and we went to see a popular scary movie. For a brief time it looked like "cuddling" but it was very innocent.
Of course he didn't believe it was a girl or that it was innocent. It was months befoe he even spoke to me again. All I'm saying is ASK before assuming. Granted, his wife and another man looks suspicious -- but is it really? Maybe he was gay. Maybe you are in denial? If you were cuddling with a female in a movie theatre, then that would be evidence of a romantic relationship. And that would be inappropriate.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Now that this thread has been distracted and hijacked
For 235, what you witnessed was wrong on many levels. You need to dig, snoop and get your intel lined up. There are huge red flags being waved in your face.
The chances what you saw is "innocent" are close to zero.
Search and read up on this site on how to snoop. Come back and ask questions, the veterans will give you guidance.
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Not fiddling or gaslighting. I was the woman "cuddling" someone in a movie theater. My husband followed me and only saw the worst scenerio. I was with a female friend and we went to see a popular scary movie. For a brief time it looked like "cuddling" but it was very innocent.
Of course he didn't believe it was a girl or that it was innocent. It was months befoe he even spoke to me again. All I'm saying is ASK before assuming. Granted, his wife and another man looks suspicious -- but is it really? Maybe he was gay. Sorry but there's no explanation that works for finding your spouse cuddling with another person. That's not going to work on any of us, who can spot gaslighting from a mile away. Nice try, though!
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All I'm saying is ASK before assuming. WRONG. Asking just leads the WS to take the affair further underground. Quietly snoop. Asking just gives the WS a chance to SPIN and DENY.
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Missy, please stop giving terrible advice. I would be livid if I came home and my wife was cuddling with another man. And there was deception involved considering she led her husband to believe she would be at work and omitted that she was at home wrapped up in another man's arms.
If she is having an affair, asking is the worst way to get information. Those in affairs do not typically admit until actual solid proof is presented. They will deny.
Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)
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