I agree with my dear wife, DidntQuit. Thank you Dr. Harley, Joyce, Kim, Sandy, Marcos, MelodyLane, BrainHurts, Zibbles, HerPapaBear, Jedi_Knight, HoldHerHand, and everyone who has been patient with me as I have learned to be a real man worthy of my beautiful wife.
A year ago I posted
this:
It was my attempt at showing my wife how much I appreciated her wading through the tough times and never giving up. A year later and I appreciate her even more for what a true gift from God she is to me.
Even though my heart was headed in the right direction a year ago, it still has been a very tough year for both of us. Until about 3 or 4 months ago, applying all the MB principles was like following �tax code� for me. I have kept notebook upon notebook on how to act or react in X or Y situation. I was able to relate to David Finch in his book �The Journal of Best Practices.�
(An example of me trying to figure out the �Tax Code� is my post entitled
"IB Conundrum" But then something amazing happened. Dr. H talks about it as �Good Will� in several radio segments. I�m sure he talks about it all over the place, but because of my thick skull, it has taken over two years to finally get it: I do what my wife likes and I don�t do what she doesn�t like because I have good will toward her. I love her and I don�t ever want to hurt her. And the more I protect her from me, the more beautiful she becomes and the more desire I have to love her and protect her. It�s an amazing upward spiral that has the ability to feed both of us what we crave�devotion. I never imagined that I could feel what I�m feeling. I didn�t know I was even capable of such �good will� and devotion!
Today, I sent my dear wife the lyrics to
�I Won�t Give Up� by Jason Mraz. I already told her a little bit about why some of the lyrics are so descriptive of how I feel, but I want to put it down on �paper� and share it with the world:
�When I look into your eyes, it's like watching the night sky, or a beautiful sunrise�
DQ has beautiful eyes. I wasn�t really able to look into them and appreciate them for 20 years because of my wayward behavior. But she has beautiful, warm eyes. And I have to correct something that I posted in my fogged out days. I implied in one of my earlier posts that DQ isn�t attractive. I said some pretty hurtful things. I want everyone to know that DQ is a �10�! She�s MY 10!
�just like them old stars, I see that you've come so far to be right where you are. How old is your soul?�
If not for DQ�s patience-of-Job and her wisdom to not quit because of the commitment she made with God and her obligation to our children, our family would be pulled apart right now and I would be spinning out of control destroying my life. She has a very wise and mature soul!
�Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts we got��
Three years ago, I thought DQ was crazy. Dr. Harley describes me perfectly in HNHN in the chapter about DJ. You may recall the spouse who believes that he is doing a favor to his/her partner in enlightening them with the correct viewpoint? That was me to a �T�! DQ put up with 20 years of me essentially telling her to �shove it� (in a very passive-aggressive way, of course). I now see that her perspective is a huge asset�that she has perspective that I don�t. I now not only respect her different perspective, but I rely on it! She is an �old soul� with great perspective and intuition. I love her and I love her brain!
��we didn't break, we didn't burn. We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in. I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am.�
It�s been about 2 � years since I told her that I was finished with our marriage. As I�ve mentioned before, her response was,
�What can I do to change?� And boy did I give her a list! And over the last 2 � years, she has worked very hard to change. For example: she learned to stay calm even though my behavior and words have been highly offensive and thoughtless. She has truly �learned to bend without the world caving in.� And she did it while I was pulling my head out of the fog while learning �what I�ve got� (I�ve got a precious sweetheart!), �what I�m not� (I�m not the fountain of correct perspective), and �who I am� (I�m incomplete without her).
On one of my earliest posts, I said:
�But I can�t see me getting to the point where it �gets effortless as the feelings of love grow.� I have a hard time believing that I�ll ever be the good, strong husband that she deserves and that I thought I was going to be when we got married.�
Wow. For a "hopeful guy", that didn't sound very hopeful! Here's my response to that two year later: Nothing worth anything is really �effortless�, but changing into a thoughtful partner is becoming much easier as I see the prize next to me every morning. Seeing the love and respect in her eyes gives me the fuel to
BE the husband that she deserves and that I promised I'd be at the altar.
So to finish the song�
�I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily. I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make�
And therefore,
�I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love�
Happy Valentines day, Mi Vida! I love you! And I'm so glad you didn't quit!
-1HG
Thank you for posting this on Valentines Day for us all to see. 