It sounds as if you did not find out who she is, did not ensure that he could not contact her again and in short, have no way of knowing that this affair ever ended.

I am so sorry SugarCane, I had to work and do family stuff last night and today.

I know who the original OW is. She went to school.with my WH. She was on my radar when they became Facebook friends and then when she posted she was with him. I blasted his facebook friends, a bunch of girls, from their school because I didnt think they knew about me. One of them asked me how I knew WH. I told him he was my husband. Then the OW contacted me stating they were just friends. Soon after he left that school and defriended those friends includiner. But his behavior didnt change much. About a month later is when she contacted me to confess or try to break us up? She blocked me from facebook. His behavior improved in October. He stoppedI the obvious stuff anyway, going out, not coming home etc. But I did see she texted him on my sons phone in Dec. Thats when I decided he needed to see that I sae it. He appologized and said it was nothing. She had posted herself on Facebook with a guy with a loving caption. My WH said ge would tell het not to contact him again. But he didnt show proof. A month later I was visiting a friend and drank too much abd slept at ger house. Recently I found this site and was able to use some info to see History on our computer better. Thats when I discovered evidence of their facebook messages.

above to answer your question.

My phone acting weird. So posted before I loose it.

I discovered he had messaged her the night I stayed at my girlfriends. I checked her facebook and she and another guy updayed their status that they ure in a relationship. I keep tabs on that relationship best I can.

This discovery caused me to reopen my investigation. So when I found his phone in my I decided to see what I could find. Not much except another OW trying to connect with him. It was definite code talk. I texted her back and didnt get much. I tested her by sending a lovey dovey text but with my nickname. I didnt hear back. Later I texted sorry wrong text. No answer.

I kept phone all day yesterday, where he left it. I let the calls rack up. Then last night my son asked if he could use his phone. I said it was lost but we eould look in morning. My WH said it was probably in car or couch, so Isaid there i checked car and gave it back to son. Then I told WH that it said there were 14 calls but when I opened it the call log showed no calls. He said it was acting weird, that something was wrong with it. Later when he got it back from my son he told me who called but ommitted the new OW. pretty sure I saw her #. He was very sweet all morning.

As I mentioned he does smoke weed and so do most of these women. He says the old OW was just a connect. He tends
o be paranoid and secretive anyway cause of this stuff.

Thats the story in a nut shell.

There was one more incident years ago before we married. He wasnt coming home again and so I told him if he wanted to live like he was singke lets end it. He came and got some things. Told me we would talk later. We decided to stay together not live together. But he hid where and who he lived with. Through investigation I found out where and who. It was a woman he knew through one of his hobbies. They lived with another man and she wad a lot older than my WH. I adopted I guess you could say a Plan A attitude, loving, warm, kind. Six weeks later he was home. He swears they were just friends and it was a place to stay. He says she wanted more and kicked him out because he wouldnt be with her.

Is he going to stop going out to bars and going out without you?

Have you searched this OW number? The new OW.

Can you afford a PI?

What about a GPS and VAR in his vehicle?

Its my vehicle, so I wont feel weird about it. I should know whare he drives it any way. He went out for a few hrs tonight so I have time maybe to down load a key logger on my computer and snoop more for info. The new OW if name is correct is on facebook but Im not seeing much about her. Sge has an unusual last name and not sure I heard it correctly. But so far it is tge oy last name that sounded like it that has resides in my state. These OW are young so less to find on the web. The woman he lived with owned her home, much eadier to find.

As far as I know he hasnt gone to a bar in a long time. He goes to peoples homes. He is going out with me more and we have gone to a friends of his a few times. Come to think of it he refriended all his friends who know me on facebook again. He wont accept my friend request though. Which is pretty suspect. He is supposed to be picking up weed at friends and playing a couple video games. Said he would be home in an hour or two.

Yes get a keylogger on everything he uses. Get as much snooping tools in place as you can.

Does he have a license for medical marijuana? I hope that's the reason you sound so blase about his habit.

Im not blase about it. Im just stateing facts. I thought this forumwas about infidelity not substance abuse.

At this time I am enjoying that he spends most days, all nights and often 24 hrs at home smoking and playing video games. The alternative was excruciating.

I found the new OW, if its her, facebook page, i have her phone#, and know where she goes to school, if she hasnt graduated yet. She is studying same trafe my WH did, but different school.

Internet only gives address info on someone in a different state and not where het old facebook page says. Her friends list is long and all over place. Still no connection that I can tell to WH.

Have you seen these?
Alcohol, Abuse and Infidelity
Alcoholic Spouse #3

Thanks Brainhurts,

I got a keylogger for computer. Downloaded it today. Looking into GPS for car. Phone is old school. The phone is my sons so I may buy him a smart phone, with keylogger, say its a gift from grandpa. Plus verizon has a child safe program I can monitor without having to pay bill and know passcode to accpunt, according to verizon.

I have to be very careful communicating here. Iwas posting from phone and my WH walked over to snoop. Saw comment about weed. I td him it was a relationship forum for women. Uhg! He wasnt happy I was dicussing him.

[quote=sanityseekerhe spends most days, all nights and often 24 hrs at home smoking and playing video games.[/quote]

While the alternative may be excruciating, this isn't a marriage.

This is sharing a bed with a teenager.

This is the kind of example you want around your young children? This sounds like my 19-year-old son who didn't graduate from high school and has never had a job. Have you even considered what being around your H is doing to your kids?

This statement is just utterly and completely sad. Could you possibly have lower standards? I can't imagine anything more excruciating than letting someone who does nothing but sit around the house smoking weed and playing video games help raise my children.

It is not ideal for sure. He finished his training and has had three jobs unable to find the right fit unfortunately. Im in the same feild and it took me two year to find the right fit. Im giving him some time to recover from his depression.

It sounds awful but there are a lot of things I love about him and our marriage

I was with my kids dad for a long time. On paper he had it all. Money, cooked, cleaned, wined and dined me. But he was a narcaddistic, verbally abusive, controlling alcoholic. I never felt emotionally connecyed to him and I rately felt safe and I never felt good enough.

My son spends half his time with his dad. He is a very good dad to his son. My son is surrounded by tons of loving family and my H and my son have a good relationship. My son gets to relax and be himself in our home.

I know that my insecurities about my WH cheating has caused me to allow him to be a lazy bum. I think how he is a kept man. I am hoping to heal and grow and hopfully move forward as a married couple stronger, wiser and healtjier or to divorce. But I still love him and not ready to throw in towl, yet.

We're here to help you do one of two things.

1. Have an incredible marriage with a reformed former cheater(or, in your case, a reformed former cheater and former substance abuser).
2. Have an incredible life without a cheater (and in your case, without a cheating substance abuser).

There are many reasons why your WH's substance abuse is relevant to your strategy, as well as the outcome.