OK...Married since 1987. WH has had 7 1 nite stands and 2 major affairs. I kicked him out 8/2012. Living with OW. WH wanted reconciliation 2 months after he left. I said no. No communication till 3/2012...Then idle chit chat. He or OW cut off all communication. Till now...

LONG STORY.

Our marriage license was lost by our county. We were told by our state marriage was not legal. So we assumed so for over 20 years. I am refinancing home and title pulled up state statute that says we are legally married. In order to correct title for me as single I have to file for divorce! My title atty contacted my WH and I guess hes pretty shocked. So besides having to sign off on house, the marriage being valid, his daughter disowning him hes feeling the pain I have for over a year.

He called me and said hes so very sorry, for everything. He doesn't sleep well over all this...misses me...cant believe its all ending like this...something still there.

He hasn't said he wants to come back and that life with OW is bad but cmon....

Prob is I still love him..

What to do????????????

Sorry for LONG story....

Oh. He drank a lot.

Welcome to MB Lori

I would file for D...or contact the county or other state agency that can give you a letter stating that your marriage is not valid...and rebuild your life without WH. Have you spoken to a divorce attorney? Either the remedy is to get divorced or correct the title, but I would not stay in touch or hope for reconciliation with a serial cheater who is living with an OW.

Did you ever have 2nd thoughts that he could correct his bad behavior and be the man you wanted?

Your H, as a serial adulterer, would have to radically change his lifestyle in order to make an affair impossible.

How does he find these OW? Is he out looking for them? Does he meet them at work?

Is he willing to follow Extraordinary Precautions for the rest of his life? Is he willing to offer you Just Compensation?

Big ol' crocodile tears won't make for a better marriage, but Just Compensation will.

If your H is still living with OW, you should be in Plan B.

All met in bars. Just Compensation?

Plan B in process.

Just Compensation, briefly, is instituting the EPs for the rest of one's life to prevent another affair from ever happening. He would never visit another bar again, since that's where he met all the OWs. Also, the marital relationship is restored to one that is even better than before the A.

Here's a thread BrainHurts created with radio clips and articles about What is Just Compensation

Have you read the first link in the SAA forum? How to Survive Infidelity

In a dark Plan B, you would not be hearing directly from your H. You would be hearing from him through your IM and only about finances and other relevant items. You wouldn't hear that he is "sorry." Your IM would only pass along the info to you that your H is ready to abide by your conditions in order to return to the marriage. Other than through your IM, you would have no contact at all with him. Is this what you are doing?

"What to do????????????"

Get divorced, of course.

My WH?

Yes, I had thoughts but I faced the reality that he is a messed up man/unsafe/bad marriage material/a chronic liar/etc and that I was better off divorced.

7 ONS and 2 longer affairs makes it sound like your H is always trolling around for side action. You could have been exposed to STDs and STIs. Have you ever been tested?

But, really, why stay in a marriage with this level of adultery? Your H would have to radically change. You could get divorced and IF he changes and begs you for another chance, you could always look at that option.

You are better off without this.

I'm sorry.

Please read this and listen to the clips.
Serial Cheaters

Thank you everyone

Soooo what do I do when he says he wants to reconcile and he makes the appropriate amends...If theres such a thing...

What are your conditions? Your bar must be set very high for a serial cheater. VERY high.

Have you listened to the clips that were posted to you? Have you read the articles in the links? What did you think?

Were you tested for STDs and SDIs?

Yes tested... MANY times.

I don't know about conditions and what I should set...

Yes I listened...Again, I'm so lost...

The conditions of recovery would be:

Extraordinary Precautions to prevent another affair from happening.

He would never again visit another bar without you. Dr. Harley would probably recommend no more bars either way. No opposite sex friendships.

You would get all the information you need about every affair he's had including who these icky women are/were.

He'd write a letter of No Contact to the most recent one and any he's still in contact with.

He'd never see or talk with any one of the OWs again.

He'd have to change all his contact information.

He'd need to account for every bit of time spent away from you.

You may even need to move away from the area.

Just Compensation.

Not only would EPs be instituted for the rest of his life, he would also commit to building a marriage with you that is way better than the pre-A marriage. It would have to a vast improvement to make the huge effort to recover even worth your while.

That's what MB means about having conditions. MB doesn't advocate forgiveness; rather, MB advocates Just Compensation. Forgiveness just sweeps the whole horrible thing away, but rarely does the marriage improve and quite often more affairs are in the future.

So you're in Plan B? What are you doing for yourself that will make you happy and healthy?

So you can let your IM know the conditions of his return, IF you are still interested in him after his current affair is over, and your IM would let him know, if he ever calls her to try to reconcile with you, what the conditions are.

He should not be able to get in touch with you except through your IM.

Im just curious if anyone commenting has returned to a marriage where there was a A...and how you dealt with it...worked thru it if I may ask

There are plenty of people here whose marriages have suffered an affair, sometimes two, but serial cheaters make recovery much more challenging. Many serial cheaters are unwilling to change their lifestyles as radically as needed.

The folks who have recovered here on this forum followed Dr. Harley's advice on how to end an affair and on Just Compensation to restore a marriage. Our own individual stories don't matter quite as much as following the plan that Dr. Harley has laid out. The reason we promote this plan is because it has the best chances for success.

Success is defined as the recovery of a marriage and the marriage becomes better than ever.

OR....

The recovery of the betrayed spouse into a healthy happy individual who sets her standards for the adulterer HIGH and is in Plan B until it is met. Or divorces the adulterer and moves on with life in a healthy way.

thank you

I know you want to stay married and that you still love your H, but until your H makes some radical changes, I'm afraid you are in for more of what you've been getting. You don't want that, do you? One affair is hard enough to recover from. My H had two and other inappropriate stuff. The only reason I took him back is because I found MB and set the bar high. I wanted an MB marriage or nothing. MB isn't about marriage at all costs.

You can't go wrong filing for divorce and going very dark in an airtight Plan B. If he contacts your IM and is willing to meet ALL your conditions, then recovery of your marriage is a possibility.

And if he doesn't ever return or if he wants you back but under your "old" marital rules, you have lost nothing but a marriage in which you were uncared for, not protected. Who wants that kind of a marriage? I sure didn't.

Meanwhile, either way, you will be in Plan B and not talk to or about your wayward husband. You will find peace and joy in a life without the drama of a serial cheater and drinker.

Doesn't that sound pretty healthy to you? Don't you want to live a life where you are not constantly thinking about your WH and what he's going to do next? Who cares if he feels bad about his crappy behavior toward you and your daughter? He certainly doesn't feel badly enough to actually make changes, does he?

Go ahead and file for divorce and go into Plan B. You really can't go wrong with this plan.