What did you think of Dr. Harley's answer to your email on the radio, TQ?

Makes sense to me and I will follow it. Just canceled the appointment when I heard it. Going to crunch some numbers in my budget and try to get some outside income.

Why don't you ask her if she is willing to help out. Can't hurt, as long as you're not demanding. If she agrees your son will know that she is also supporting him. This might ease her guilt. It also might even be a good Plan A tactic as it indirectly ties her to the family. She might even start to think about the opportunity cost she is paying, which could become the incentive she needs to come back. You never know.

When I divorced my wife, I did not ask for support because I didn't want to jeopardize the full custody arrangement that I had or the settle we had in place. Things were tight, but strategically, it was a good move.

Like justthe3ofus, I also did not seek child support.
Most deadbeat moms are afraid of child support so sometimes they will give up custody if the don't have to pay

My deadbeat first husband was more than willing to let my present husband adopt my child to get out of paying back, present and future child support.
His new little wife actually called me and said that "your kid is costing me my dream car". Done deal! Awesome!

I won't ask her for support. Don't want to appear weak, just got to do a re-budgeting and keep it tight, that's all.

TD, I'm impressed with your strength of character. I hope things work out for your budget numbers.

Well kind of feel like crap. Today was SS birthday, DS and I called and sang him happy birthday and I put a gift in the mail for him. When I got to talk with him he sounded distant like he didn't know what to say. Anyone with step-children experience this? My thoughts are he is/was and still unhappy with the situation and that WW is watching him on the phone like a hawk.

Spoke to WW for a lil bit as well. She uses this fake "I'm all right but I'm not voice. I know her when she uses it things aren't all right. DS stated to her "Please leave POSOM and come home" I heard her hold back tears some, guess this is the addiction factor of affairs. Things aren't good yet she still sticks to her POSOM. When I asked SS what is he doing for his birthday WW quickly replied "I got him a cake and a present", didn't let him answer at all. Poor guy is miserable, I know he misses DS and me. I remember the last thing he said to me when we were talking regularly. "Mom, won't listen to me, I'm just a kid." Guess its true in some regard, while snooping I uncovered another fight between POSOM and WW.

It happened approx. 2 days after my last package. Apparently, he likes to just leave when they start fighting and stay out all night. Returns like nothing happened, only a matter of time before he runs out. Pics of them online together for some reason doesn't make me mad at all. I guess its because she has a phony smile in each one and POSOM doesn't smile because his teeth aren't up to par lol.

I feel for your Step Son.
To be honest, i have no sympathy for your wife.
As you know, my wife left me and our 3 kids for her OM. They still live together, although Ive heard from the rumor mill that "their relationship has downgraded to a friends with benefits" living together deal....

The problem is that your step son has NO moral role model in his life.
Its good that that you reach out to him.
Hopefully he wont turn to drugs sex or booze for whats missing in his life.
Try to encourage him to go to a church youth group. They can pick him up in a church bus every week

I have 100% custody of my S-10, soon to be 11 in a month by default, similar to JK and i have my boy involved in After School Sports, Martial Arts and Cub Scouts bridging to Boy Scouts next month.

Do you think you might be able to get the boys involved together in some sort of agreed upon extracurricular activity so they, along with yourself can continue the family and friendship bond?

It would seem as if suggesting this would be something that could be viewed as being In The Best Interests Of The Child/Children together, with you unselfishly gaining some ongoing positive contact.

LTL

They live in different states

Oh! I didn't remember that.

Thanks for reminding me.

LTL

So, DS and I had a tandem conversation with WW. It was not planned he wanted to talk to his mother so I let him call her. She answered and talked with DS and DS talked with her and SS. SS will not talk to me even at the behest of DS. I don't if he shut me out because of POSOM being an "awesome" figure or that he is being watched by WW and can't speak his mind. Well somehow it turned into WW wanting to talk to me. We made small talk for about 30 minutes.

She sounded worse for wear, probably just a ploy to get sympathy from me. I wasn't falling for it, she kicked around the idea of me and DS meeting her at a amusement park for a vacation like trip. I told her I was open to the idea and plan to bounce off suggestions and planning with her in the future. SS and DS are stoked about the idea. I am indifferent and I am not 100% sure she will even show up but either way DS and I will have fun.

I look at the trip as a way for her to see me under the pretense of seeing her son. I am sure this is how she will spin it to POSOM. I know with my snooping in place that he goes and sees his daughter without WW. So, sacrifice is in play in this affair. It can be a wonderful opportunity for Plan A and I am sure she is missing my positive qualities over my negative ones. I heard Dr. Harley discuss this on the show, I guess my lovebank deposits are starting to pay off.

I notice that I feel empowered even though the situation is what it is. I receive a lot of support from my friends and fellow military members who know the whole story. I tried a IG report but that didn't fall through. However, I now work with the highest ranking enlisted member of the unit she is attached to and plan on exposing to him. Will this be ideal or should I just leave exposure alone since I already done it. I exposed to the unit that was in Illinois but since she relocated to Florida (the unit where POSOM is in) I am not sure if they know the whole story.

DS loves our new home and his new school. We spend countless hours together, whether its playing video games, coloring or reading books. I know for a fact I am a superior father and always have been. DS is very smart and witty for his age as well. He told WW without me coaxing him that WW should leave POSOM and come home. I kind of chuckled at her gasping, stuttering response. WW told him that daddy doesn't want her there and I clarified it with her on the phone and DS listening. "I'm willing to work with you to create a marriage where both our needs are met only if you end all contact with your affair partner."

Thanks in advance for your responses and support, God Bless.

As always TD, you did a fantastic job.

Maybe her fog is starting to break.

Yes I think Dr Harley would encourage you to expose.
It will cause love bank withdrawls but will cause damage to the affair too

I agree, definitely expose.

Well the fight continues, spoke with WW multiple times and she seems very depressed. She tries her best to hide it but the cracks are showing. On Valentine's day DS and I sent her a package with stuff for SS as well. We made her a card and I included an old anniversary letter that she sent me when I was away on training. It hasn't arrived yet and she was very adamant about making it so she has to sign for it. We also called her on Valentie's day and sang a song to her upon greeting, she was extremely pleased and thank me repeatedly for the call.

She was complaining how she has to work six days a week 9-10 hour shifts. Folks, please keep in mind when she was with me she was a housewife, don't think she is enjoying affair land too much. My guess is that pride is keeping her there, I try not think of it too much. Wasted energy that can be used toward other more productive things. I also feel she is hoarding my pictures and things I send her in a "secret stash" and reliving those key moments in our marriage before the affair.

DS is doing well in school! He's in kindergarten reading at a 2nd grade level, so proud of him and me. Starting to warm up and I am making plans to go out and do a treasure hunt with him and hiking. I think I know the answer to this question but still would like some input. I looked into going to a amusement park with WW and SS. I haven't brought my plans up to WW yet but should I pay for her and SS to attend or does that fall into the category of fianacing the affair? Thanks for your help everyone and God Bless!

Oh to anyone with kids GO SEE THE LEGO MOVIE it was awesome, best animated movie in a long time!

TD,

It hasn't arrived yet and she was very adamant about making it so she has to sign for it.

Because OM is turning into an obsessive control freak, OM may also be cheating on your WW now that she is his "wife".

God Bless
Gamma

I don't doubt that at all they don't call them POSOM for nothing lol!

I think you are right..pride is what is keeping her there.
The Devil whispers in her ear, as he did with Eve.
Keep praying for her, pray from the book of Hosea