I have had no contact with my STBXH since October or so. I have seen his mother in January and spoken to her on the phone. We do not discuss him or the situation at all. I don't even ask how he is. She does not offer the information.

His last message to me in Oct told me how he wishes me well in life, how he hopes I can move on and find happiness and how he just doesn't love me like a wife and there is nothing that would change this. I did not respond. I went to an I/C and worked on letting the marriage go so I can sign the papers.

All the chaos stopped. No more hang up calls from anonymous callers (though of course they weren't her trying to run me off, oh no, it's just a coincidence lol). No more doorbells. Life became normal again and oh how I missed normal, I lived on edge for so long I didn't even realize how much I missed peace and quiet.

Just before Valentine's Day I picked up my phone and it was him. He's worried about me, am I ok, he'd like us to be friends and still talk sometimes and mostly he just wants to know I am ok. I assured him I am ok, better than ever in my life actually and said I couldn't talk. He sounded so annoyed. Why do they get mad at us? I mean really.. anyway.. he called again on 2/15 no message and then on 2/17 stating in his message that he was just making sure I am ok. He wants to know I am fine. I texted back I assure you I am fine. have a nice day. Nothing since.

Why is he doing this? Is my silence un-nerving him? Was me just walking way not part of his "plan"? I am not going back into that loop, and it's why I did not pick up the subsequent phone calls.

Is he trying to drag me back in? I am not going back. I am done now.

Is this fog babble?

And in both the phone call and the message he sounds like he has a chip on his shoulder. Like he wants to start with me. I was pleasant and upbeat. I would not let him bring me into whatever his argument was going to be. There is nothing to fight about anymore.

Also, the divorce is still just sitting there. He has not pushed it through but tells people we are divorced.

Hello. He is saying something along the lines of

"I'm having second thoughts about the divorce. OW is showing her true colors and I need an excuse to delay it. She is b@tshit crazy."
and
"I miss having two women fighting over me. I was hot when there were two of you paying attention to me. The 3 legged stool balances just fine. The 2 legged stool won't stand up. Please re-engage with me so that OW and I can reunite against my b*tchy crazy wife. Make my life interesting again."

But what he is saying to you is, "You so crazy you need to be coddled and assigned a keeper and I will help you stay sane."

Because you let him


Probably


nope. the more cake, the better


Good, now change your number. He still has the IM's email should he want to get in contact with you.

"I am hungry and I want to eat cake and your denying me cake!"

Bellevue: I thought the same thing, that there is nothing for them to "talk" about or "work on" since I am no longer part of the picture. And it's growing boring so he is trying to re-engage me in his drama. I don't think he's having any second thoughts at all he is as done as I am. I felt like he wanted an argument so he could go home and tell her how I am batcrap crazy like you said and how I just flew off at him and I am toxic. Instead he got a cheerful, happy person glad to be rid of him and his drama. One little thing he said which I think was meant to set me off but actually made me realize even if he begged me I would NEVER take him back was when I said I couldn't talk, he said, "I was able to get out I don't know if I can make another call".. I actually heard my internal self laughing. And thought OMG, he is trying to make ME the OW now and just felt such disgust for him. He is sneaking around on HER now and I am willing to bet there are OW all over the place by how calm he was about it and flippantly he said it and how he expected me to be all like Oh I will take the call then since you're not "allowed" to call again.. it made me want to hang up that much quicker.

My number will be changed in a few hours. Already made the call RQ. Made it this morning. And his mother will not be getting the new number either. I really felt like he was mad that I was ruining his love life by not running after him anymore and not letting him see into my world. I think of him now and my skin crawls I hate him so much. I never thought I'd feel that way.

I have also called my lawyer to schedule refiling for divorce.

I am off this crazy train for good.

This has been going on since 2011 and Harley typically recommends that you move on after a couple years.

So I think calling the lawyer is a good step

My wife had an affair in 2011, and i filed for divorce immediately. I was divorced about 6 months later and have had all this time to recover (with no contact too).

You have been through too much drama and will benefit immensely from just cutting this off and starting a new chapter in life

Tranquil Dark's translation was so much pithier than mine.
Your life is about to become so wonderful with WH out of the picture. Hope you get some chuckles out of the most recent attempt to rope you back in.

Go to "Surviving An Affair" and look for a post referring to Pepperband. I tried to cut and paste a link but I'm out of practice.
Put a sanitary pad into your panties as a precaution. You will be laughing hysterically!

My number was changed yesterday but just before that I got a message.

"I want to make it clear that I don't think you're crazy. I just wanted to know how you were doing that was all, have a nice weekend"

Of course I did not and will not reply. So he knows I think he thinks I am crazy. He does. I mean, it's one of the reasons he listed that he said weren't the reason then said were the reason.

I am so at peace with this. I needed the insanity to stop.

I do know there is nothing that would ever make him change his mind so I don't think it's the loss of me that is so much the problem as the me not chasing him anymore is for his ego. I know if I were to change back to wanting to save us, he'd disappear again. He just wants the attention of me and the feeling superior to say no to me over and over again. He has no interest or desire to reconcile and he never did. He just wanted strong footing in his new life first so he strung me along. I know. It was always over and it just took me a long time to "get it"..

Dr. Harley would encourage you to have no contact with him.
I would pursue the divorce through your attorney and then send him a No Contact letter.
This is exactly what I did...I texted it to my wife the day of divorce!

And it has been so much better with no contact!

I have been reading other forums to help me move on and realize that there is nothing else I could have done when I came across a forum by wayward spouses.

I wanted to share one in particular. He was ranting about how his OW did NC with him. And how his R with his BW is not working and all he can do is think about the OW. He was going on about how NC isn't a solution and no matter what the other FWS were telling him about why it's important and how even thinking of the OW was not allowing him to R with his BW he argued. He was saying just being able to talk to the OW occasionally helped him feel better. They explained the whole "addiction" concept and how it is the ONLY way to reconnect to his wife and how he will never get those feelings back as long as he gives thinking time to the OW still.. all he could do was argue it saying that just because it works for some, doesn't mean it's the only way... I was reading this and seeing how angry he was getting at the other FWS for telling him he was wrong etc.. it made me think, some WS really never do get it and stay in that denial. Even the other FWS were giving up on trying to reach him.

It made me think.. if you don't have a remorseful WS and one who decided to end the A then chances for R are also unlikely.. and I don't have a remorseful one. I had one who continued to justify. "It's not anyone's fault" type talk.. or it was "my fault for being impatient or a bad wife" never once was it HIS fault or something HE did to us.. I think I needed to read that stuff. I think I finally get we never had a chance as long as he refused NC with her. He has no problem at NC with me it seems.. but he could not NC her.

I get it. And its sad. I wish it were different. But it is what it is.

This is what I posted to you in February.
Have you entered into Plan B yet?