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Any action to report?
Signed up for anger management? I bought a GSR 2 Biofeedback device today like Dr. Harley suggests in "How to Negotiate When You Are an Emotional Person"... and I think I have narrowed down my anger management search to two finalists, but I want to research some more about them and try to find other past users testimony/opinion of their course effectiveness. When you access it from work, do a print screen and email that image to your wife. Problem solved. It's an IT problem, I wasn't able to access it yet either. Employees like me that were hired before a certain date have an employee number that clashes with other corporate divisions that were added, and a new number that is specific to payroll only had to be assigned. The data wasn't transferring from the account with my "normal" employee number and the "new" one they created. My online timecard hours had to be input manually by Ceridian payroll employees in order for me to get paid in January, but the new EMPower website wasn't getting the data. I heard a few weeks ago the glitch was fixed, but I haven't tried to log in to it yet.
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Yes, We discuss together verbally (and with texts) and we talk about which bills get paid with what money, how much, and from which accounts. Does she have full access to all of your bank accounts, ie: passwords to access them online?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's an IT problem, I wasn't able to access it yet either. Employees like me that were hired before a certain date have an employee number that clashes with other corporate divisions that were added, and a new number that is specific to payroll only had to be assigned. Companies are obliged to give you full and immediate access to your paystubs. My company switched to online paystubs a couple of years ago and those who had trouble accessing them, received immediate help from HR. You can go to HR and have them print them up on Monday. Problem solved! That coupled with online access to all your bank accounts will give your wife the reassurance she needs.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Any action to report?
Signed up for anger management? I bought a GSR 2 Biofeedback device today like Dr. Harley suggests in "How to Negotiate When You Are an Emotional Person"... and I think I have narrowed down my anger management search to two finalists, but I want to research some more about them and try to find other past users testimony/opinion of their course effectiveness. When you access it from work, do a print screen and email that image to your wife. Problem solved. It's an IT problem, I wasn't able to access it yet either. Employees like me that were hired before a certain date have an employee number that clashes with other corporate divisions that were added, and a new number that is specific to payroll only had to be assigned. The data wasn't transferring from the account with my "normal" employee number and the "new" one they created. My online timecard hours had to be input manually by Ceridian payroll employees in order for me to get paid in January, but the new EMPower website wasn't getting the data. I heard a few weeks ago the glitch was fixed, but I haven't tried to log in to it yet. Why do I feel like you're lying????
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We aren't getting paper stubs anymore... it's some new payroll system called EMPower and I haven't figured out all the bells and whistles of it yet. It is only accessible from work computers. I want to finding time to learn it, but when I am at work it's like drinking from the firehose since there was a 50% reduction in my dept (meaning I am working twice as many jobs) and I get distracted and forget. As long as the direct deposit still works we can pay the bills, but I definitely need to get this task accomplished. Ernie, this is all so much gaslighting and balderdash. Do you think you are convincing us of this? Several of us posting to you have online systems and know that there is a simple answer to this, and all of us know that you are making excuses not to tell Elaina how much you earn! Reading this account is like looking at my naughty little son when he was about 5 years old and trying to lie to me. He was convinced that he was doing a good job of lying to me because he was so clever and how was I to know the truth? Your monthly salary is paid into your bank account. Show Elaina your bank statement, whether paper or online, and let her see how much you earn - and how much you spend. All that stuff about IT and employee ID and HR and how things don't match up is just so much ballcocks. Be a man, Ernie, and tell the truth to Elaina now.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I'm confused. Why can't Alaina just look at the bank account online and see how much was direct deposited and what's being spent. Heck, a lot of banks have a mobile app you can just throw on your smartphone or tablet and access the acct
Husband (me) 39
Wife 36
Daughter 21
Daughter 19
Son 14
Daughter 10
Son 8 (autistic)
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I think many of you probably looked over this and missed this: Yes, We discuss together verbally (and with texts) and we talk about which bills get paid with what money, how much, and from which accounts. So the paystub issue hasn't been such a big deal as long as we are still getting paid. Well, good news for us: We signed up for the Marriage Builders� Online Program last night. Elaina is very happy, and we are both very hopeful! 
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Ernie wow I'm so happy to hear this, from what I hear you two can get started right away on what is going right and how to build from that. You two will get a firm foundation together that will make the day to day pressures sink back into perspective. Best wishes in your journey, and please keep us posted!
Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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I very much like all your news except this one. Yes, We discuss together verbally (and with texts) and we talk about which bills get paid with what money, how much, and from which accounts. [/quote] You need to show, not tell. It's her money so she should see the aactual accounts, so I would sort that IT issue out as a very high priority.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Have you joined an anger management group yet?
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So the paystub issue hasn't been such a big deal as long as we are still getting paid. It is not a big issue to who? Why are you treating Elaina like a child who cannot even know her own finances? Any debts you incur in the marriage can be her liability as well. Any income you accrue in the marriage legally belongs to both of you. Why are you so intent on hiding her own finances from her? Also, was very disappointed to read the LOOONG explanation about why your IT problem at work prevents you from showing her your paystub (really? why not give her the bank account password, then?), immediately followed by an admission from you that the IT problem wasn't really still a problem - it had been resolved two weeks prior to the LOOOONG explanation. Earnie, you're not fooling us OR Elaina. I'm disappointed that she is settling for the crumbs of knowing the bills are paid, instead of knowing her financial situation (her liabilities, assets and income) in full, and knowing how you use financial resources that also belong to her. What are you hiding? A secret second life? A gambling problem? Large debts? What?
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Elaina deserves to know, confirmed by her own eyes on the credit card accounts and the bank statements, that you are not running up a large marital debt that she can be liable for.
She deserves to know what you are doing with joint assets (your salary) - yep, it belongs to BOTH of you.
She deserves to know how much money you are spending to build the giant salvage yard that is in and surrounding the home she lives in.
She deserves to know when this salvage yard will be removed from the property.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Ernie how is the online seminar going?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Ernie, I re-read this Q&A from Dr. Harley today, and it sounded like something you could use: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2318590#Post2318590Dear Dr. Harley,
My wife says that she wishes she could talk to me about the things
she is dissatisfied with in our marriage, so they could be addressed.
But when she does talk to me about these things, I get frustrated
because it seems like she is never happy with me. The progress I
make doesn't seem to matter.
I often see her explaining what she is upset about as complaining and
only focusing on the negative. I don't often feel like she has
recognized the good things about us. I want her to be more positive.
I think she complains too much and does not see the good in some
situations. I want her perspective to change, but she doesn't think
she has to do something different to make this happen.
Thanks for your help.
R.D. The answer Dr. Harley gave is in the link.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ernie, we will be happy to work with you to help supplement the coaching you are receiving in the Marriage Builders online program. It will go a long way toward helping make you accountable, which will go a long way toward helping Elaina feel safe.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ernie, if you'll turn to and follow the advice here and fix your marriage, you will have earned a lot of respect and admiration from us and can probably hang around here helping others as well. Ernie, I'm not sure if you're still following along out here, but I just wanted to comment that based on your last posts to Dr. Harley, you have earned my respect. I am glad to hear that some things are going better for you guys and hoping that that will continue and increase and that you will be able to provide valued support for your wife in the difficulties she is facing. Good work!
Last edited by markos; 07/15/14 11:20 AM.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ernie, I'm not sure if you're still following along out here, but I just wanted to comment that based on your last posts to Dr. Harley, you have earned my respect. I am glad to hear that some things are going better for you guys and hoping that that will continue and increase and that you will be able to provide valued support for your wife in the difficulties she is facing. Good work! Thank You, Markos. I don't drop in here as often because work is very busy, and I really don't log in very often at home because my home life is pretty busy as well. It has definitely been a challenge to change habits that have existed for nearly 40 years! I am very much enjoying my restored marriage with Elaina, and although I still have a ways to go - - I feel I have at least conquered some of my greatest faults and am always striving to be better. Thanks to everyone for all of your help!
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