blake, please go listen to today's Marriage Builders Radio broadcast - there is a lot of useful information there in today's show for a man hoping to win his wife back to the marriage. The show will repeat every hour until the new show tomorrow, so be sure and catch it before it is gone.

Here's the radio page:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com//graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

Thank you one and all.... so I did another thing wrong yesterday: I told her that I had sabotage our relationship because I the I didn't deserve her.. that she was to good for me.. and that our fights had nothing to do with her .. I was shamed of myself for the financial mess my life was and sometimes i jumped on any little disagreement between us and made it much bigger that it actually was.. I also told her that I did this because I did not have the courage to face the reality that it was my fault (choice) to let me life get so messed up..
I guess I should keep thoughts likes this to myself and my therapist... She txted me stop saying your sorry and stop feeling sorry for yourself... I say this trying to help. I guess saying things like that does not make to manly or make me appear as her protector or rock.. makes me sound like a whinny little girl...

Yes, definitely.

LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS!!!!!

Everything you say to her from now on needs to be for the strategic purpose of winning her back.

Do not say anything that does not have a strategic purpose.

This will help train you into controlling your mouth.

If it "feels good to say it", it is probably the wrong thing to say.

God I really don't know how to communicate with her.. I believe her and I were very close... that I could open up to her... I don't open up to anybody less..
Can I recover from this with her.. and not look like a whinny little girl..

Don't try to help.

Show her your new self restraint and focus instead.

Words mean nothing; there have already been too many of them.

You need to focus on the basics:
Make love bank deposits and avoid love bank withdrawls

So do I need to buy a book or program that will take me by the hand a teach me what to do and say.. I know I have to get the bio-feedback thing ... but what program should I get and how well does it work... and in your opinion do I have a better the 50/50 chance of winning my wife back? and how long will it take.. I hope not much longer than 6 months.. (to know that she will give the marriage and me another chance) then we will have to do more work.. or I will have to do more work

Trying to help (was her saying that to me)

How do I make love bank deposits if we don't live together and I don't have a chance to see her or go out with her..?

Dr. Harley says that as a general rule, men that keep the course stand good chances of winning their wife back.
As for books, have you read Dr. Harley's books?
I would start there so your information and training is compatible with this website

Sometimes borrowing a mindset from your professional life can help.

Would it help you to use the thought processes you would use if you were trying to win her as a customer?

Don't use any deceptive tactics, of course; just be your best you as if you were selling your suitability to her.

Everything you say needs to be with the goal of winning the "sale."

Be honest in everything, but find and live (for the rest of your life) your best behavior that would be worthy of someone staying in love with.

Focus on controlling the mouth and meeting her needs.

You can do it, but you must focus and you must start using common sense in your words.

If you look through the forums here, you will find similar cases. In one case, the husband started offering to shovel the driveway and watch the kids more often...and he is slowly rebuilding the relationship.

Harley says that in cases such as yours, she may only allow you to wash the windows. It wont make a lot of deposits but it will make a few....and then later she may let you make deposits through conversation etc ....where you can make massive deposits (after you retrain yourself how to converse with her)

This is a marathon, not a sprint. Hyper down, Blake. Getting her back is a process, not an event.

It will probably take several months of mature communications (without verbal lovebusting) coming from you to allow her to consider a second look.

Blake, another way to look at this is you didn't blow this with one event...it seems like you were finding creative ways to lovebust in nearly every conversation for a long time.

You won't build it back with one event, either.

Steady and strategic is the way to win her back.

And your strategy is:

a) To summarize, LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS!! No one falls in love with receiving verbal diarrhea.

b) Try to make a lovebank deposit, no matter how small with every interaction. Seek out opportunities to make deposits.

A new member just made an awesome, concise statement in another forum that may help you:

"Think for tomorrow." - rit

I just listened to the radio show... good stuff.

I could not find the new post you mention from rit