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It's in the dating forums. A different poster is engaging in behavior that likely will not pay off long term, and rit makes the very impactful statement to "think for tomorrow". http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2785406#Post2785406
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Today could be the first day that I respect her whishes and don't make contact with her (txt/call)... she wants a month with out contact... that doesn't sound like a women that is ever going to be looking to give the marriage a second chance... plus she said the both no contact was for my benefit..
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Today could be the first day that I respect her whishes and don't make contact with her (txt/call)... she wants a month with out contact... that doesn't sound like a women that is ever going to be looking to give the marriage a second chance... plus she said the both no contact was for my benefit.. Remember to hyper down. Patience wins this race. Don't be needing gratification (progress) in every "now". I'll let others speak to the 30 day no contact problem, but this instant gratification outlook you have needs to change.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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I would not be an expert in the no-contact area.
I know I wanted Stuebenville to move out for 6 months so our contact was limited to meeting needs and to avoid the day to day lovebusting that would not stop. He chose not to do that, and I did not enforce it because his tactics of avoiding it involved hurting the kids. The day to day lovebusting never changed, and you can see from my signature how that worked out.
HAD we done the 6 month separation, we might have a different status.
You need to not be in contact with her if you are going to lovebust her.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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In our relationship, the lovebusting was similar to what you are doing. He simply would not control his words.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Blake, how often is it that you were drinking prior to verbally lovebusting her?
How often do you drink?
Last edited by Sunnytimes; 02/25/14 03:36 PM.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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only once was I drinking when we had fight and that was 12/24.. and that was when I got in her face and she got scared of me.... I don't drink more and 1/2 a glass of wine a week...
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What you might do during the 30 day no-contact period (if the MB experts here agree) is to send her a short note by mail every couple of days about something in your day that reminded you of her. This will show her that you are thinking of her, care for her and miss her. Once in a while you can include a Hershey's kiss, or other small thoughtful token, in the envelope.
Her no-contact request may be based on the hurtful back and forth in the mediums you use now (texting, talking on the phone). Perhaps a non-threatening note, where lovebusting back and forth is not possible, may be welcome.
Just a suggestion. Other MB veterans may be able to confirm if this is a good idea or not.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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only once was I drinking when we had fight and that was 12/24.. and that was when I got in her face and she got scared of me.... I don't drink more and 1/2 a glass of wine a week... Excellent update. Great to hear. So, you will never "drink" (I assume this was substantially more than 1/2 glass of wine) around her again, right? The "only once" that you did drink didn't turn out so well for you. Drinking does a wacky thing with the filter on the mouth. Not good in your situation, obviously.
Last edited by Sunnytimes; 02/25/14 03:45 PM.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Sunnytimes, I'm not sure what you are saying to me when you write: A different poster is engaging in behavior that likely will not pay off long term
can you explain
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We never talked about the not drinking after she separated.. as I said drinking has not been an issue... But on 12/24 it was a big issue and I'm sure was the cause for the way I acted.. I told myself a few weeks ago that if she and I got back together that I would not drink when we went out... I will drink at home.. but as I said at home I drink 1/2 of wine..
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Dr. Harley advocates for no sex prior to marriage. This is not based on a religious philosophy but on the reality of how those relationships don't develop as well as the ones who abstain prior to marriage do.
Knowing all of the downsides of premarital sex, the other guy is engaging in premarital sex and had his very new girlfriend spend the entire weekend with him.
Rit posted on his thread to say "think for tomorrow".
Rit's comment is a perfect perspective for you in your situation, too. If you stopped to think before verbally lovebusting your wife about how what you say to her today would help (or hurt) your tomorrow, it would help you refrain better from verbally lovebusting.
Rit's statement is a good measuring stick for you to weigh your words with.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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We never talked about the not drinking after she separated.. as I said drinking has not been an issue... But on 12/24 it was a big issue and I'm sure was the cause for the way I acted.. I told myself a few weeks ago that if she and I got back together that I would not drink when we went out... I will drink at home.. but as I said at home I drink 1/2 of wine.. Good man! You saw the error and then made a wise decision.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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I don't have the $220 or $250 to drop on the course.. can I buy one book at a time and which one would you recommend .. But if I don't drop $220 or $250.. with that hurt and or imped my progress and lessen my chances to get my marriage back on track.. ?
Last edited by blake1960; 02/25/14 08:21 PM.
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Get the book Lovebusters and read it.
Also, purchase a membership to the radio archives and search for shows on Angry Outbursts and Disrespectful Judgements.
Start listening to the radio show daily. It's free.
You need to get educated so that you can make a plan.
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I was just reading the statistic for 3rd marriages (80% divorce rate and add to that normal divorce rate of separation 70% ) and my chances of saving my marriage are very slime... does anybody our there married 3rd. time and have separation and was able to save their marriage... (that like looking for a needle in a hay stack )
I what to save my marriage more than anything... just doesn't look like it is possible.. or the statistics of doing so are very low.. (3%)
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Blake, you are in a "long sales cycle".
You will drive yourself nuts if you obsess about the time this will take or the chances of success every day.
The specific actions this site prescribes (don't lovebust and do make love bank deposits) are the only way to allow your marriage to succeed.
If you change those, then your wife can restore her love for you.
Your lovebusting behaviors were probably in your other marriages, too, which could be why they were unsuccessful.
Some of the guys here have gone on antidepressants to get them through the long sales cycle of winning their wives back.
The main thing is you are just too pushy about needing results, assurances or resolution TODAY. You didn't originally fall in love in a day, you didn't break your marriage in a day and you will not restore it in a day.
Last edited by Sunnytimes; 02/26/14 08:56 AM.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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One reason most 3rd marriages fail is because the lovebusting habits that broke up the prior marriages follow the person to the next marriage.
If you treated your other wives the same way, you have your answer as to why your other marriages failed, and how to fight against the failure of this one.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Those stats don't apply to you if you eliminate you LB and meet her needs. Most of the couples in the data pool are LB like crazy. Those would be the odds if you continue your past abuse.
Focus instead on becoming the partner your wife deserves. Meeting her needs. Never hurting her. We can't tell you the odds, but they will be better that way than on any other path
Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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