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My H will be moving into his own home and filing for divorce in early March.
We have agreement on all the financial aspects, but I have one question for the guys out there:
How many separated or divorced dads allow their teenage daughters to bring their girl friends over for sleepovers, assuming the dad is the only adult in the house?
Or, is this typically a non-issue?
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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I have younger daughter, 9, and she has sleepovers with friends sometimes.
I'm a single dad.
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Not a man, but my bf has a teenage daughter. She is allowed to have her gfs sleep over while at his house. He makes sure to let the parents know that he is the only adult in the house so if they are not comfortable...they can tell their daughter no.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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So far, the consensus is no big deal.
Is there anyone that thinks it is?
Is there anyone who would not allow their daughters to go on a sleepover in this circumstance?
(PS to Jedi: wait until you see how her friends show up in when they are teenagers!! Many teenage girls these days don't "dress", they "display". Some of my girls' friends could just as well be painted butt naked with the tight yoga pants that go up inside their back end parts.)
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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I wouldn't say it's not a big deal but who the parent is (and who the kid is) makes a difference. My bf is very vocal with his daughter about appropriate and inappropriate clothing/behavior. If one of her friends looked like a hoochie, she wouldn't be coming over to begin with. He tries to discourage her having trampy looking friends or questionable friends to begin with. If the friend was on "display" at his house, he would tell her to put some more clothes on (or tell his daughter to tell her)...or else she would be going home and she would never be coming back.
Since you have a WH...who knows what his attitude is.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I wouldn't say it's not a big deal but who the parent is (and who the kid is) makes a difference. My bf is very vocal with his daughter about appropriate and inappropriate clothing/behavior. If one of her friends looked like a hoochie, she wouldn't be coming over to begin with. He tries to discourage her having trampy looking friends or questionable friends to begin with. If the friend was on "display" at his house, he would tell her to put some more clothes on (or tell his daughter to tell her)...or else she would be going home and she would never be coming back.
Since you have a WH...who knows what his attitude is. That sounds like a good approach. The problem is that all of my kids friends are raised by single moms and most do dress inappropriately even as kids (boys with pants hanging down - I tell them to pull up their pants or wear a belt....)
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Black raven, the WH label is not in my signature - you must have read my old username thread.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Joined: Jan 2006
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My bf is very vocal with his daughter about appropriate and inappropriate clothing/behavior. If one of her friends looked like a hoochie, she wouldn't be coming over to begin with. He tries to discourage her having trampy looking friends or questionable friends to begin with. If the friend was on "display" at his house, he would tell her to put some more clothes on (or tell his daughter to tell her)...or else she would be going home and she would never be coming back. Your bf has his head on straight in this regard. What a great attitude.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Black raven, the WH label is not in my signature - you must have read my old username thread. I don't know lol...sorry my goof.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Nearly every girl dresses like hoochies in our girls' public school.
Our girls went to a Christian school through the 8th grade with a dress code, and they know how to dress decently. I was shocked that even they are insisting on wearing these stupid pants.
My H does not agree that they are unacceptable, so I have not been able to stand the ground against them very well.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Joined: Jan 2006
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Black raven, the WH label is not in my signature - you must have read my old username thread. I don't know lol...sorry my goof. Well, the WH incident under my old user name is why I am sensitive to this issue. Yet my H insists the lesson was learned and I am being ridiculous.
Are you living in a covenant with death? With bitterness in your marriage? Read Isaiah 28. The bed will not be long enough or the covers wide enough for you to ever find comfort in that life. In Isaiah 28, God tells you to take a stick and beat these conditions out of your life.
Isaiah 28:29 "This [command] also cometh forth from the Lord of hosts, which is wonderful in counsel, and excellent in working."
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Single or married, there are a lot of parents that let their kids do whatever they want and dress however they want...then they wonder what went wrong. hmmmmmm
When I went to my children's school orientation at the beginning of the year, the 6th grade girls were even scary. Their parent's should be slapped.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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A couple of the kids' friends just waited until the kids were here at my house before sleeping over, but most were fine sleeping there. And I'm lucky my kids' friends know how to dress. I think part of it is this is Florida so it's hot enough without clothes sticking to weird places.
Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010
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My H will be moving into his own home and filing for divorce in early March.
We have agreement on all the financial aspects, but I have one question for the guys out there:
How many separated or divorced dads allow their teenage daughters to bring their girl friends over for sleepovers, assuming the dad is the only adult in the house?
Or, is this typically a non-issue? I wouldn't concern myself with what he does after divorce, unless he does something to your daughter.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Nearly every girl dresses like hoochies in our girls' public school.
Our girls went to a Christian school through the 8th grade with a dress code, and they know how to dress decently. I was shocked that even they are insisting on wearing these stupid pants.
My H does not agree that they are unacceptable, so I have not been able to stand the ground against them very well. I don't predict your STBX husband and you will have a lot of success negotiating issues after divorce. If he were willing to learn to negotiate issues with you successfully, he probably wouldn't be divorcing you. I would work on detaching from him as much as possible. After divorce if your daughter begins to feel that he is putting her or her friends in an unsafe situation, I would contact the appropriate authorities.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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DR. Harley would probably encourage you to have No Contact with him after divorce
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Sunny, have you read about "parallel parenting" on this forum?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Black raven, the WH label is not in my signature - you must have read my old username thread. I don't know lol...sorry my goof. Well, the WH incident under my old user name is why I am sensitive to this issue. Yet my H insists the lesson was learned and I am being ridiculous. Could you provide some details or a link so we can know a little more about this situation? It might affect what we are suggesting. If your husband has a history of child abuse or something then I would suggest it would be best to press for supervised visitation or some other arrangement.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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You should be filing for separation from your husband instead of waiting for him to divorce you and trying to make arrangements with him. This will drive you nuts. I can already see he has delayed - your signature says he was going to file in January, and now he is delaying till March.
Your thread history is confusing to me but it looks like your husband has been very abusive to you and not at all interesting in stopping the abuse and disrespect. Dr. Harley would advise you to take control and protect yourself with a separation and not having any contact with him unless and until he decides to get a handle on the abuse.
The last thing you should be doing is trying to negotiate details of a divorce with an abuser. He's not going to cooperate with you - if he were cooperative, you guys would have a good marriage and wouldn't be getting a divorce!
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Here is what I posted to you awhile back. I see you did not follow this advice. I predict he is going to continue to make your life miserable, even after divorce (if he ever divorces - and he'll make you very miserable during that process). http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2758556#Post2758556Dr. Harley does not suggest that wives languish for years in a marriage while the husband engages in demands, disrespect, or angry outbursts. Dr. Harley classifies this behavior as abusive. Over time it will not only erode the wife's feelings for the husband but the abuse will cause her emotional and even physical problems.
So Dr. Harley would encourage a wife in your position to present the plan in Love Busters to her husband and see if he is willing to go through it. But if he is not; if he tries to argue that she should not be hurt, or otherwise dismisses her concerns, she should prepare for a separation. One reason to do this is because a separation is a last resort giving him one last chance to do the right thing and stop abusing his wife. But another, more important, reason is to protect her from his abuse. And finally, she should recognize that their marriage is only going to get worse over time if he does not address and correct his abuse. If there is any tolerance for this behavior, it will get worse over time, until it destroys the marriage. And even now you are not standing up to him - you are just waiting for him to divorce you. That gives him all the control and power over you that he needs to continue to make you miserable. And if you continue to try to negotiate with him after divorce, that will give him continued control to abuse you. Please read about parallel parenting, and please read Dr. Harley's article "When to Call it Quits": http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit.html
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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