The financial negotiations have gone very well. We're in agreement as he has a generous nature when he is not angry.

He is cooperating on everything except this provision (no teenage girl sleepovers).


The old situation is at:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...;Main=61052&Number=652244#Post652244


It was a long time ago.

At your (the MB community, including you) vehement advice I asked for a separation in July contrary to EVER expecting I would do that. This started the ball rolling to resolve the situation, and it took until Nov for him to finally say he was filing for divorce.

Our church does not allow remarriage unless the non-believer abandoned AND filed for divorce. (1 Cor 7).*

I had to choose a slightly longer path to not run into church discipline problems in my future.

Edited to add: *Unless on grounds of adultery, of course.

What was the "WH incident"?

He has already filled out the divorce forms online and is arranging an appointment with an attorney who will represent us both in filing the divorce papers. He has asked the attorney to file the week he moves out (now set for early March as he is closing on his house tomorrow).

We're both very financially literate and I'm able to ensure that I am not getting the bad end of a negotiation. My career involves negotiating financial matters with C-level people, so while I waited for him to put the numbers out there first, due to the divorce being his action, I was not at all going to accept them unless they were fair and also what I wanted. They were fair, and the one change I wanted was readily agreed to.

Why is it his action? Why did you ignore our advice to separate from him yourself? This is putting him in control.

According to her previous post, it was to satisfy Church rules. She is not permitted to divorce

Why is this of concern to you?

And you'll never be able to get him to. Divorced people do not provide care for one another. There is no reason why he would follow your rules for your daughter when he has her.


It still doesn't say what he did, other than the statement that "it was sexual but not an affair." (If it was sexual, it WAS an affair.)

Did your husband molest an underage girl?

Are you wanting your husband to avoid having teenage girls over to the house because it triggers you? It's not likely that he will care whether he triggers you or not - if he cared that much about you, he would invest in the marriage and recover, which he has never done. So you will have to protect yourself from this pain and these triggers. YOU will have to take responsibility for doing this instead of expecting him to - because he simply does not care.

The best protection I know to suggest is to avoid any contact with him - please take a look at the article I suggested and at the other women on this site who have chosen to go no contact with an abusive husband. Typically when women block contact they begin to feel MUCH BETTER inside of a few weeks.

I took your advice. It was the hardest thing I've done in my life.


I either had to choose a longer resolution, never remarrying or giving up a church that I have very deep roots in.

I chose to stop being passive, start speaking up for myself and let things resolve how they will. They resolved in him deciding to divorce.

Now I get a healthy resolution, the possibility of remarriage AND keeping my church.

I will admit it was very difficult to prolong it, but I was emotionally detached enough that I could cope well enough with the abuse while waiting to see if restoring our marriage was worth it to him or not.

In part, each flare-up confirmed that my plan of flushing this out was correct. I have NO doubts that this resolution is a definition of success for me.

What was the incident?

It was his luckiest day the other person in the incident had turned 16 just several days prior.

The situation still may have resulted in criminal penalties but I told him to hire an attorney as I didn't want my children to grow up under this cloud. The attorney did a lot of work to get the police to stop pursuing.

H was late 40s.

Although I wanted to end the marriage over it, I didn't think I had biblical grounds as it was not quite adultery.

I wish I had reached out for some better advice at that time.

Sunny, what did he do? Geez Louise already!!

Nudity and kissing, but not the full act.

Edited to add: I can put together that she was not a willing participant, she just didn't know how to take control of the situation. She was not forced; she just didn't know how to say no.

He kissed a nude minor?

This is adultery

We did not suggest that you wait for him to agree for a separation or that you ask him for one. We suggested that YOU go and get one. This is a unilateral action, not a bilateral action where you wait for his agreement and leave him in control. Do you see the difference?

It sounds like you are deep in the fog. You are more concerned about your interpretation of Biblical grounds for adultery than taking action. It cripples you.

Good grief! Of course he shouldnt be around teenage girls!

So, do I stand by my provision, or is it none of my concern?

I just feel my kids will hate me if anything is alleged (whether it did happen or not) and the kids find out I knew of this old propensity and turned a blind eye.

The Bible allows for remarriage if there was adultery, which your husband definitely engaged in according to your old thread.

He should be been pursued and required to register as a sex offender, but due in part to your enabling he is free to repeat.