ljmom,
Maybe what can help both of you is a jump start. Take a vacation together--no kids or friends--and do something new. My wife and I took a cruise when we were recovering our marriage, and the time spent was fun, exciting, and it was a totally new experience for both of us.

We spent the entire time talking, eating nice dinners. site seeing, dancing, and, of course, romancing. Sometimes a flame needs a spark to get it going again.

We take our 15 hours seriously. When we cut back we notice the difference. Our 15 hours are best when we don't talk about business or kids, not that those aren't very important. We bond and empower our passion for each other when we spend time alone together doing things we find mutually pleasurable and fun.

Couples should take a few weekends a year and spend them alone away from home and away from everyone else. For us, the get-away recharges our marital bliss.

Ok, I just saw your other thread over at Surviving an Affair. There is a lot of work to be done to recover, and it goes beyond UA time.

You both need to get on board with the program and get your Extraordinary Precautions going. Otherwise there is no hope.