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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Joined: Jun 2011
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What email did you send him?
Confronting the OM is great but not yet! You need to lay low and get your proof first. It's unfortunate he has blocked you. Can you access his account another way? via your wife's account?
You just need the names of his friends. Accessing her account would be a good idea for other reasons too.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 395
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Sounds more like BULLwinle than Rocky to me.  Sorry, just couldn't resist. "Nothin' up my ....er... sleeve!"
Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I know her willingness to go through counseling maybe to placate me, so I am on guard and cautiously optimistic. Meeting with a lawyer and protecting my children and myself are my next step, in the event that things do not turn around. A very risky move if she is having an affair. If she is having an affair, counseling can be a set up to get a marriage counselors blessing that the marriage is over and persuade you to get out so she can quietly replace you. We have had many MC's actually recommend "trial separations" [an absolute disaster when there is an affair] and even advocate friends of the opposite sex. If the MC does not have a PLAN to restore the romantic love in your marriage you are screwed.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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If the counselor recommends a "trial separation" so your wife can "get some space," then you need to say HELL NO and run for your life. If you agree to such a set up, you can bet the OM will be moving in while you pay the mortgage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Typical counsellors are only interested in putting oil on the squeeky wheel - the wayward. The wayward comes in armed with a barrel load of complaints about the BS and requesting 'space' (for her affair). The BS, is completely shell shocked, because they were not aware until recently that anything was wrong. The BS typically sits there blank faced and with nothing to suggest. The only person in the room who is more clueless is the counsellor. They look from the silent BS to the whining WS and just endorse everything the WS says. It never occurs to them that the marital complainer is having an affair or lying. Or that it is rather strange that they will agree to something like counselling to work on the marriage, but strangely won't agree to something far simpler, like going on a date. I guarantee you the whole reason she gave you the ILYBNILWY speech is to ease you into a separation. Probably with the support of a counsellor so she can say 'I tried' to her family and friends. The unsuspecting jilted spouse usually senses a problem when an affair begins. When the spouses are together, an emotional distance usually prevails. Sex is almost always a problem for women who are having an affair, and many men having an affair find they cannot make love to their wives, either.
In many cases, intimacy in marriage becomes so bad that a separation is requested to "sort things out." An affair is often suspected by the jilted spouse, but almost always vigorously denied by the offending spouse. It usually takes solid evidence.
I've seen so many spouses lie about affairs, that when one spouse wants a separation, my best guess is that he or she is having an affair. I'm right almost every time.
Why would anyone need to be alone to sort things out? It makes much more sense to think that being separated makes it easier to be with their lover. Granted, there are many good reasons for a separation, such as physical or extreme mental abuse. But of all those I've seen separate, most have had lovers in the wings. Just prepare yourself for this request!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Please listen to these clips. Beware of Bad Counselors
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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