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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 1 |
Hi All. I am 39 yr old male with a 9 yr old daughter from a prev relationship. My daughter lives with her mom & spends 2 weekends per month with me. Me and my girl friend plan to get married This year. One thing that bothers me is that my girl friend does not come around on the weekends that my kid is with me. I've discussed his with her and told her that I dont want my kid to feel unwelcome in my house once we married and that I want her to around when my kid is with me so that they can get to know each other. We been dating for 5yrs now. I feel that I cant marry her if she doesn't want to be around my child. Am I wrong or right?
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108 |
Yes you are right. Why are you marrying a woman doesn't have some sort of relationship with your child...at all? That seems very odd to me.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
Hi All. I am 39 yr old male with a 9 yr old daughter from a prev relationship. My daughter lives with her mom & spends 2 weekends per month with me. Me and my girl friend plan to get married This year. One thing that bothers me is that my girl friend does not come around on the weekends that my kid is with me. I've discussed his with her and told her that I dont want my kid to feel unwelcome in my house once we married and that I want her to around when my kid is with me so that they can get to know each other. We been dating for 5yrs now. I feel that I cant marry her if she doesn't want to be around my child. Am I wrong or right? Welcome to MB. What does your girlfriend say about this when you discuss it with her?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 235
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 235 |
Like the other posters said, there are two things to very closely pay attention to here:
1. Why does she not want to have a relationship with your daughter? That's a huge red flag, and it's obviously bothering you or you wouldn't be here.
2. When you confront her on this, what does she say? If she isn't seriously workable and honest, then that is another red flag.
Since you are thinking about marriage, I very highly recommend that you read Renters, Buyers, and Freeloaders by Willard Harley. It talks about how people have different views on relationships and marriage. You want to be absolutely certain this girl is a buyer or it will result in serious difficulty in the future.
Apologies if this sounds harsh, as we don't know each other, but this forum is filled with people that have survived affairs and some have stronger marriages than before, so around here we are pretty much only interested in what works, and tend to be pretty blunt about it. As someone new, we want you have have the best relationship and family life possible, so please take a look at that book, make sure she is a buyer. This issue with your daughter should be pretty revealing of her true heart.
ak
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5 |
Have you read any of Dr. Harley's material on Blended Families? Blended Families #1 Blended Families #2
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 4 |
If she loves you, she love your kid too.
Yes, you have good decision not to marry her.
She must to accept of what you have and she must to love it too.
Your daughter is more important than her. You still find better than her.
I'm just afraid if you marry her then she abuse your daughter if you are not around.
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