Love languages doesn't work unless you are buyers, and even then, it only works because it's meeting each others needs, and assumes no other problems.

Marriage Builders is far more in depth. Being buyers, meeting each others needs, avoiding love busters, learning to negotiate and avoid sacrifice, etc....

Yes, I have been reading the links so not totally in the dark with what people are saying. I will admit that I WAS a renter, back when I met someone else, mostly because I was getting nowhere with my SO.

I truly believe I am close to a buyer but I don't want to be the only buyer in the relationship. I am authoritative by nature but when I say I want things one way, that does NOT mean I am not negotiable. She takes it as fact and resents me for it. She feels she has no voice.

I would step into the buyer area if I knew she would follow but that is where the problem is. She wanted to wear a ring, NOT be "married"

bobby, for the sake of your kids why dont you follow Dr. Harley's methods for 6 months before throwing in the towel?

This honestly has nothing to do with me. I did not pull the plug, she did. For some reason, she has severe attachment to anything she ever paid for and claims I don't contribute. I pay the mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities, trash, and auto repairs. I guess that does not seem fair to her. I have ALWAYS requested we sit down and write down expenses but she then feels offended.

If we are to do on a trip, I like to know what things might cost. It is responsible budgeting. She just wants to go and not think about it.

As she cleared out the house, I just let her take whatever. She got rid of my stuff and replaced with her stuff, then took her stuff so I am now back to about nothing. Kitchen table for instance. I owned one. She gave it to a friend, put hers in, then took it...NICE!

I just forwarded a list of expenses on one of the cars totaling over $2K. Since I don't pay for anything.

I honestly would love to work out our troubles because in the end, I really do like spending time with her and we get along great usually. However, she moved, collecting every little thing she owns, and for the sake of my pride and sanity, I am reluctant to pursue anything without her outreach.

I don't really plan to date because I have a mountain of work to do in fixing my old house to sell, build the new one, and my business. She seems a little bitter about me dating saying I will probably hook up with some hottie and get married within a year. I would not have put the time in on her if I did not love her but this is very lop sided.

The bitter side of me wants to tell her someday she might wear a ring but she will never be married. Her mom is on her 4th husband and pretty much no on in her family stays married. She told me when we first met, "I never want to marry or have kids". Our first was an accident that stuck us together.

Are you just here to blog?

As a update, after receiving an email from her, it seems that the move has stirred up some feelings. It shows promise. I have the book on order. Have to hope I can find what I need in it. Pretty obvious we both love each other but totally lack the tools to keeps things together and happy.

Sorry, I did not realize this was not a discussion forum. I will end here.

It is a discussion forum. But usually people come here to get Marriage Builders solutions to their problems. That is how we can help.

In a nutshell:

Her top need appears to be Financial Support. Women who require this (most women who intend on having children have a high FS need) require a man to cover all the essential living costs. Any money she earns should be viewed as 'extra'. Otherwise you won't be meeting that need for her and it will affect her love for you.

You're both renters. There's no reason why you should make a life long commitment to a renter, but renters can be encouraged to 'move up' from renter status and become buyers. They only do this when passionately in love.

She won't be motivated by you because you don't meet her top need.

But she could be motivated if you did and since children are involved, you might try.

Have you read any of the basic concepts?