I encourage you not to follow the Divorce Remedy, 180, or last Resort Technique.

Dr. Harley's plans differ from those and we can only help you using Dr. Harley's methods.

As I recall, you were last advised to snoop and find out if he is having an affair.

Have you made any progress?

People having an existential crisis might want to commit suicide, but why would they seek a divorce? After all, what good would it do to get a divorce, since nothing really matters?

Your husband has a goal in mind for himself, and it has nothing to do with existentialism.

He is not having an existential or midlife crisis. The reason he has asked for a D is b/c he is having an A. When a WH leaves the marriage it is usually because they are at the height of their addiction (A are a form of addiction) and the OW is is their ear to leave.

I strongly recommend that you forget principles referred to in your post and focus on MB principle. Dr H has 40 yrs experience helping couples struggling/surviving infidelity. He has a success rate, his principles can help re create a romantic marriage and help the BS heal.

You are correct to refuse to enable his destructive choices.

Let him pay for his own mess.

I have done some digging and come to the conclusion that there is no affair. So that is a relief.

Did you hire a PI?

How did you come to this conclusion?

You are in denial. There is an affair for sure. You just don't want to believe it. You're not going to be able to save this if you don't have the information you need.

You haven't been married long and you are young. It might be best to cut your losses and walk away, especially if you can't dig deep and find the inner resources needed to find and confront the affair.

I would not however, offer any financial help to resolve the lease. he wants to get out of this, so he gets to pay for it.

I was able to go through his emails, text messages, and call logs. I also talked to his friends who he had bragged to about having some girl at work who liked him who found out that there wasn't even a girl who worked there at all. :-/

Well just because a girl doesnt work there doesnt mean he didnt meet one at work.

i can't afford a PI so should I just wait and keep checking when I can?

Put a voice Activated recorder in his car, put a GPS unit on his car and keylogger software on any computer

Checking his phone may not help much; many people involved in affairs have "affair phones"

Funnily enough, that is not a relief. I know that sounds strange but, although finding your spouse is having an affair is deeply traumatic it is also an explanation for behaviour that is otherwise impossible to understand.

My XH was a serial adulterer who had been cheating with who knows how many women for 16 years when he slipped up and made a single phone call from a number where I had access to the logs.

Never a single email, I would have picked that up in a heartbeat as our emails were always open to one another.

Once I found the phone call, I used backups of his cell phone to look at stored data. The fat slag's details were cleverly disguised under a business name. She had an unusual first name and I ran a search for it. Never under estimate the cunning of a cheater. Secrecy is all part of the adrenalin rush.

He can delete emails/texts.
He could have another email address.
He could have a texting app which hides the messages - Google for the app names & see if he has one.
Or another secret phone. Search his car etc.
Bragging to friends about a girl is cruel. He's at least thinking about it.
Depressives can't motivate themselves. Yet he suddenly got very motivated about D. A woman coming into his orbit would explain that.
Look at the BIN and SENT folders on his emails.
Check his contacts for male names you don't know. Phone them anonymously to see if a male or female answers. Then hang up.
Check his googling history.
Definitely VAR his car. Tell him you will stay with a friend for a couple of nights & VAR your house.
I feel you haven't found out everything.
Keep snooping.

Well everyone was right. he is having an affair.

i am absolutely devastated.

I am so sorry to hear this, but at least now you know what the problem was all long.

Please tell us what you discovered, and how. Did you hire a PI? Who is OW? Is she an ex-girlfriend, or a neighbour? Do you know her name? (Don't write it here.) What do you know about her? Is she married?

Does your H know that you know?

Yayas, you're young and the marriage is only six months old. In that time you've proved yourself a faithful wife willing to overcome the rough spots when her H checks out. All he has proved is that he is unfaithful.

As to whether you want to recover or want to leave him, your next step is still the same regardless.

Now as to your next steps. You should discover who this woman is and complete an exposure. Tell everyone what they have been doing, do you understand how to expose? Try to come here for advice without confronting him and revealing your hand. Everyone should know what they have been doing.

As a young woman with no children ( like myself ) there's no reason for you to save this marriage. But we can help you do that using Plan A and Plan B if you wish.

If you don't recover you will still need Plan B for personal healing. This is what I did, and I am so happy and healed today.

Hugs. It is devastating. Do make sure you eat and sleep even if you don't feel like it.

Oh and don't leave that house! After you have exposed you can pack his bags and do it with your family supporting you. He has that house earmarked for his Hobag.

I was able to go through his phone. I found a separate email account and deleted call logs. Pictures... texts to friends, texts between them. Evidence that they may have slept together. I found her full name, phone number, and email.

Plus I found out he is going to go visit her this week for 5 days. Just before my birthday.

My husband knows I know. He is furious and wants to divorce me for invading his privacy.

Don't worry about it. He is furious that you found out about his affair and are interfering with it. This has nothing to do with his privacy, he is not entitile to a private affair when he is married.

You need to expose to family, friends and OW's family, friends. How did they meet, if its a workplace A the employer needs to be included in exposure.

Once you expose you need to decide if you want to salvage the marraige, if so there is a plan here for that, if not you need to cut your losses and have him hit the road and speak to your Attorney.