If you are doing Plan A correctly you will not seem wishy-washy at all. Your wife will see that you have set clear limits and are abiding by them, but that you are still maintaining respect for her and demonstrating the you love her. The key is to be firm, quietly confident, and caring. And don't commit angry outbursts and disrespectful judgments.

She is in the fog, and when you're in the fog you don't see clearly. That's exactly why they call it the "fog."

In my judgment 3 months is a very short Plan A. If your objective is to save your marriage, you should rework your Plan A and commit to it for a year.

If anyone can Plan A for that long, you are a hero.
Dont get me wrong i support it, i went through plan A(wasnt always perfect) for 3+ months and it was the hardest thing i ever did.
Doing it for a year is an incredible feat. I applaud you on your efforts.

I apologize, i am not trying to hijack.

I did a plan A while divorce was ongoing.
Like yourself, I discovered the affair and filed for Divorce in December.
I plan A during divorce for 6 months. My wife would come and go from the house at this time, sometimes staying for an hour or a few days and then leaving.

I did plan B the day of divorce in July.

I understand how its frustrating and emotionally draining to plan A while being stepped on.

If I ever remarry and discover infidelity, I will just file for divorce and plan B.

I feel that you should pursue full custody of your kids because she's a terrible role model for them at this time.

My attorney is working on the getting me custody.

I'm doing Plan B. I did Plan A only for three month, it was hard and I probably could endure more. BUT...I started to notice that my feelings toward my wife were starting to turn to resentment and even hatred. If she showed some kind of empathy, maybe it would be different. She is actually meaner to me know that when I first found out and did multiple AOs & DJs. She seemed more concerned about losing the marriage then than now. I have not done any AO/DJs since December.

I am glad you put a stop to her hanging out with the family in the family home. The more real this becomes for her, the more she's realize what she's giving up.

I'm not one of those posters who insists that you continue on with plan a if you're out of gas. Protect yourself and let her feel the weight of her actions. Let her deal with uncomfortable and complaining kids as she drags them into unfamiliar places.

Get some peace for now but whatever you do DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR EXPOSURE. You've just been spreading the good news about her new love. She's just trying to make you feel bad because she cheated on you. Twisted logic is all it is.

Dr Harley use to say to plan A for 6 months. He now says that most women are only strong enough to plan A for 3 weeks/months if I remember correctly ( I can not find the new time frame on the MB site).

However he now says men should go past the 6 months if they are strong enough. Again I am relying on my memory. If a man can handle two years until the divorce goes through then do it.

Though no woman or man is to go past what they can physically and mentally handle.

You have your plate full as a single parent anyway.
I would just focus on that adjustment.

I became so weak during Plan A, literally exhausted. Your kids need you to be strong for them, since their mom has basically just abandoned them so she can conveniently jump in bed with her boyfriend as a "separated" woman...

You need an IM for plan B and should write a Plan B letter.
You can copy the letter in the book.

Do you have someone to use as an IM for child exchanges? In Plan B, there is to be NO direct contact.
She is to not even hear your voice on the telephone.

I sent the letter. I need to find an IM, maybe our neighbor/friend can do it for me.

No one said Plan A is easy. But if your goal is to save your marriage, then you should stay in it.

Your feelings of anger and resentment for your wife are natural. When I was in Plan a hated my wife for what she was doing. I had a very hard time seeing her. The sight of her made me ill. Many times the best I could I do was say nothing to her when she would drop the kids off home. Avoiding AO's and DJ's was often the best I could do when I was in Plan A.

But there were moments where I would see past my emotions and send her a letter or do an act of kindness. And I learned later that those acts were what kept the door open to a marriage that I firmly believed was dead in the water. Truthfully, had I followed my feelings I would have divorced her quickly and ended it with no contact. But I didn't, and I am eternally glad.

If you slam the door shut now, you may be satisfying your immediate emotions, but you could be losing out on a chance to recover your marriage and your family. Having been there and now being in a recovered marriage, I am very thankful that I stayed in Plan A and kept that door open.

I wish you would have posted it here first.
Did you copy it from the book?
The one in the book has IM contact information, you should have lined that up first.

What did the letter say?

Have you written Dr. Harley?

BH808,

The IM needs to handle all communication.
Ask your neighbor or a friend from church.

I didn't make a copy of the letter, and I hand wrote it. But I used the template from the book. It was almost a carbon copy. And I tried to set it up so that there is no need to contact/see each other even when dropping off the kids. My neighbor and good friends said they can be the IM.

I know Im supposed to think positive, but I see almost no hope for our marriage. I'm doing Plan B more for my own sanity/well being, not so much to get my wife to snap out of her affair bubble.

Do your neighbors understand Plan B?

You can send them here and they can receive advice if needed.

Basically, you should have NO direct contact with her.
You dont even want her to see you.

Block her emails and text messages; use a cell phone for the kids to talk to her on that you dont answer or use.
She will ask the kids to put you on the phone; tell them "I will not talk to mom until she ends her affair" (thats what I told mine)

You will feel a lot better after a couple weeks in Plan B.
DO NOT BREAK PLAN B!

You also need to tell your attorney that you are having no contact with her and need to have legal exclusive use of the residence;

in the meantime CHANGE YOUR LOCKS