Is it this one? Some of the days/shows are messed up in the archives and so I'm not sure if this is the clips.
Radio Clip
Segment #2

That's the one! Thanks Brainhurts!

You're welcome.

How are things?

Brainhurts,

Things are going well with 20year. We are 2 years into recovery. Daily life is getting better, the lows aren't quite as low as they used to be and we are having more good days than bad. The program does work if you apply it. I can tell when we aren't getting the UA as we should. We start to feel disconnected. Usually some good UA will help that.

I am getting better with my openness, sharing my thoughts and emotions on a daily basis. 20year is doing great with listening and trying to see my perspective. We both have become better people in this process. I am though, having issues dealing with complaints. I get very emotional. I emailed Dr. Harley about 3 weeks ago and haven't heard back yet.

We still have our triggers but we try to minimize them as much as we can. One major trigger is the city where it happened, my hometown. We no longer go there and that, along with some other issues, have caused some discord with my parents. We are having a hard time finding a solution. 20year and I are going to email Dr. Harley for some help on handling this situation.

Even with those issues, 20year and I have fallen back in love with each other and are looking forward to the future. It wasn't an easy road to get here, but it has definitely been worth it! We are on our way to having the marriage we always wanted. I am fortunate that 20year had the capacity to give me another chance when I didn't deserve it. And I won't let him down!

Thanks for asking Brainhurts!

If you emailed Dr. Harley 3 weeks ago and he hasn't responded yet, I suggest you email him again.
He usually responds promptly and may have missed your email.

I agree clearmind. Send another email to Dr. H. Also, could you and 20year be on the show together?

About the triggers in your hometown. How close are you?

Also clearmind, notify the MODS if you still don't hear back from the Harleys.

Thanks for the update, clearmind. What sort or issues are you having in dealing with complaints. Is it the way the complaint is expressed or the complaint itself?

Sorry about the difficulty with visiting your town and your parents. Have you and 20 brainstormed various solutions?

I am certain that you will hear from the Harley's soon if you re-send your email. They are usually very responsive.

AM

Jedi Knight,

I will send them another email soon. 20years wanted to add more detail to help explain the full picture (I tend to be succinct at times)

Brainhurts,

20years and I have talked about being on the show together. We will definately be sending an email soon.

My hometown is 70 miles away.

Armymama,

I tend to become very emotional and have negative feelings towards my self when some complaints are made. 20years expresses them in a respectful manner and they are valid complaints. The problems is the way I handle them.

20years and I have brainstormed. We are at an impasse with my parents. We can't go there and they dont feel welcomed at our house. We have suggested meeting at a restaurant about half way. My dad has been having heart issues so they don't like to leave far from their town. I hoping Dr Harley can help us.

Clearmind,

Have you told your parents that you will not tolerate the disrespect your parents shown towards 20years?

What complqint exactly is it that your parents have? What complaint is it that 20years has?

clearmind, can you give an example of the way your husband complains? It's important to make sure that his complaints don't come with an element of criticism - that they aren't demanding, disrespectful, or angry.

Prisca was also pretty emotional with most of my complaints.

Yes, most often if something is expressed as a complaint, I don't become emotional. When the same issue is tinged with criticism, I react negatively.

clearmind,

I am sorry that I cannot recall enough of your situation and didn't see the information in skimming your thread. Is the trigger with your parents about your parent's reactions to the affair or is the OM a neighbor of your parents? Did your parents facilitate the affair somehow?

AM

Never mind, I see the answer in your husband's thread.

Brainhurts,

Yesterday I wrote an email (but did'nt send) to Dr. Harley regarding my parents. It was tough to write because it had to refer to a lot of things in the past. It brought back many painful memories to me and to 20years. We decided it was not the path to take right now. I have read 20years thread and the advice that was given. Very good points were made. It is something that I need to work out with my parents. I really appreciate everyones concern and help. This forum has helped me in many difficult situations. I'm sorry Brainhurts that I am not answering your questions at this time. I will have to type again many things from the past that is too painful right now. It is an extrememly sensitive topic. Thanks again for your concern.

Clearmind, you are not just going to sweep this under the rug, are you? Are you planning on following the advice given?

clearmind, I don't think that the past should be referred to at all in solving this problem. And I also don't think that it should be yours to solve alone without your husband. There are a lot of ways this can be addressed.

It sounds to me like your husband is open to a continued relationship with your parents if they will be respectful to him. It sounds to me like the ONLY way for that to happen is for everyone to agree to leave the past in the past.

My suggestion is that after a day or so to calm down and recover from the trauma of reviewing the past, that you write another letter to Dr. Harley about the present problem, not mentioning the past other than perhaps as the reason you guys can't go to the city where your parents live.

It sounds like there is a massive history of details of the past here. As I mentioned in your husband's thread, this is never going to be resolved by going over all of those details and establishing what the "right" interpretation of the past is. It sounds like your parents were offended a very long time ago and an effort was made to talk them out of being offended. I don't think efforts like that will ever work - instead I think the need is to call a truce on the past and establish a new future that is acceptable to both sides.

Marcos,

20years complaints are not demanding, disrespectful, or angry in any way. They are worded respectfully in a calm manner. The issue is with the way I handle the complaint about intimate conversation. I have always felt that I am not social enough/talk enough for 20years. It is my highest insecurity. When he makes a complaint, always in a respecful manner, I take it very personal and get extremely emotional. Negative feelings from the past surface. I know complaints are vital for a healthy marriage and I need to find a way to handle them better.