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I'm struggling with the burning desire to contact my wife today and ask her to give our marriage another chance.. I believe every strongly that this time things would be different.. but I know she wont even entertain getting back together now and maybe never... That thought is very hard to swallow, accept
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blake, is that you on the radio show today?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Yes that was me on the radio... any suggestions or advice
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I need to relisten, but what did you think of Dr. Harley's suggestions?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Dr. Harley suggestions 1) Never lose my Temper Again 2) Never Argue with her 3) Never be Disrespectful 4) Never try to Control her .... I think they are all excellent advice.. I think never losing my temper will be the easiest to achieve the other 3 seem very difficult to do only because what is considered disrespectful behavior can be almost anything.. one day x words would be OK and the next those same words can be disrespectful... its all in the interpretation me wife puts to it.. Arguing will also be hard and control again one day its control the next day its a suggestion... it's like quicksand one wrong move and your neck deep in it.
Last edited by blake1960; 03/07/14 05:41 PM.
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Have you listened to the clips in here? Anger Management 101
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Yes I listened to it about two weeks ago and I just listened to it again just now .. I thought is was very superficial.. generic .. not very enlightening ... I wish he would have given more info. on relaxation and different types of relaxation methods and which did he find the best for anger management... I don't know about you but I don't have 10 min to relax when I have an angry outburst... I have seconds...
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Yes I listened to it about two weeks ago and I just listened to it again just now .. I thought is was very superficial.. generic .. not very enlightening ... I wish he would have given more info. on relaxation and different types of relaxation methods and which did he find the best for anger management... I don't know about you but I don't have 10 min to relax when I have an angry outburst... I have seconds... Did you listen to the clips at the end? One of the clips talks about the biofeedback meter. Also, have you read this where he talks about the device? How to Negotiate When You're an Emotional Person While most of us know if we're tense or relaxed, some people find it helpful to use some form of biofeedback to help them quantify their efforts. A simple galvanic response meter can do the trick and they can be purchased on Amazon for between $50 and $100. A CD often accompanies the meter that teaches relaxation techniques. The GSR2 Biofeedback Relaxation System with CD by Bio-Medical Instruments, Inc. is about $75.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Dr. Harley suggestions 1) Never lose my Temper Again 2) Never Argue with her 3) Never be Disrespectful 4) Never try to Control her .... I think they are all excellent advice.. I think never losing my temper will be the easiest to achieve the other 3 seem very difficult to do only because what is considered disrespectful behavior can be almost anything.. one day x words would be OK and the next those same words can be disrespectful... its all in the interpretation me wife puts to it.. Arguing will also be hard and control again one day its control the next day its a suggestion... it's like quicksand one wrong move and your neck deep in it. The beauty about being respectful is that it solves so many other problems. For example, you cannot be controlling and respectful at the same time. Because you are listening carefully to the other person, you do not argue, you respectfully state that you do not agree and you say why. Listen to the amazingly respectful way the Harleys deal with each other. They model good behaviour on the radio programme. It isn't rocket science.
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My wife (we are separated / only married 11 months 3rd marriage for each) doesn't want to have any contact we me because we have different ideas on the marriage... She says the marriage is over and there is no way to ever rebuild it (she will never trust me again / anger outbursts) and I what to save the marriage and try and do any small thing we can together... going for coffee celebrating my daughters 12 birthday (my daughter from previous marriage) she had first suggested that we all get together to celebrate her birthday (me & my 2 children + her and her 3 boys) then she changed her mind and thought it was a bad idea and cancelled doing birthday celebration together because she said the kids would get the wrong impression about her and me..(getting back together) this all happened yesterday .. we talked on the phone and she is telling me that because we have different views on our marriage (she says it over and I want to rescue it) that she doesn't want to have any contact with me.. the more I try the further away she says she get from me.. As I mentioned before we need to stay married for 2 more years because of her VISA papers.. but she wants no contact with me.. on her facebook page it doesn't show her as married.. (she is not cheating on me with anybody, I know that... for now but with time away from me and no contact that will change) I really don't know what to do.. she clearly told that if it weren't for the VISA papers she would divorce me.. She is ignoring me completely doesn't answer txt. message... we have been in two week no contact and know she want indifferent time of no contact because we have these different view point or goal for our marriage ... what should I do..? should I divorce her and risk her and her children being deported. we never really lived together we each kept our apt. so the separation was very easy.. she told me she is very comfortable being her and the 3 boys.. they had been just the 4 of them for 5 years before we married on 3/30/13... so people what do you think
Last edited by blake1960; 03/10/14 10:20 AM.
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Blake, have you read any of the advice on your thread?
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As I mentioned before we need to stay married for 2 more years because of her VISA papers.. but she wants no contact with me.. on her facebook page it doesn't show her as married.. (she is not cheating on me with anybody, I know that... for now but with time away from me and no contact that will change) I really don't know what to do.. she clearly told that if it weren't for the VISA papers she would divorce me.. She is ignoring me completely doesn't answer txt. message... we have been in two week no contact and know she want indifferent time of no contact because we have these different view point or goal for our marriage ... what should I do..? should I divorce her and risk her and her children being deported. we never really lived together we each kept our apt. so the separation was very easy.. she told me she is very comfortable being her and the 3 boys.. they had been just the 4 of them for 5 years before we married on 3/30/13... so people what do you think I listened to your radio show and I did not hear any information about this visa issue. Did you tell Dr Harley about her residency issue? Did he take it into account when he gave his advice to you?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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I did tell him about the visa issue in my letter to them and again in the conversation he and I had before the show.
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SugarCane: my wife says the reason our marriage is dead, is that she will never be able to trust me again...and now she doesn't love me live a husband.... we have to stay together for two years... Q: Is my marriage doomed ? Can you restore trust, is trust something that a person can keep from feeling for another...? and how do you regain trust... (I guess you regain trust by your repeated actions)...
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I listened to your radio show and it was obvious that you are deeply upset by the apparent breakdown of your marriage. I am sorry that this has happened.
I don't think that your marriage is doomed, simply because there is a chance that your wife will be won over by your actions and might consider a reconciliation one day. Dr Harley gave you a plan to try and win her over. The thing is that this needs actions that she can see are consistent.
Let's go back to basic steps: when you first came here, two things were recommended and you said you would do them. The first was to obtain a bio-feedback device and use it to control your emotions, and the second was to join an anger management class.
Have you done either of those things?
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
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bio-feedback device and use it to control your emotions, and the second was to join an anger management class.
I have not bought the bio-feedback device not sure about it..just yet.. as for the anger management classes I have enrolled in one but it doesn't start until 2nd. week in April...
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I have not bought the bio-feedback device not sure about it What are you not sure of?
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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