I was able to locate his phone on a map. It pinpointed it right to his mothers house...her address. At least I know I can use this app now. I am more confused than ever. I suppose he could be having an emotional affair at work? He is not a liar, which has been one of the reasons I have trusted him so much.

Good job!! Now, just keep tracking him today to see where he goes. You don't need to even call his mother.

And if he is having an affair, he will lie about it.

What is the app?

Have you scoured over his phone bill to look at his call pattern and ID every # on it?

The app is called "find a phone". I am embarrassed to say, I don't even know how to access our phone bill looks like I have a lot of work to do.

I hope that you are using this time to a) track his whereabouts and b) pull up his phone bill, bank account and email account and scour over everything. Look in his outgoing emails, trash, facebook message account, and everything.

I have been trying for the past two hours to access the phone bill. I have all the security questions and username correct, but can't seem to crack it. he doesn't have a FB account and there is nothing in his email, trash etc. I will check his sent calls on his phone when he gets home. I have tracked his cell phone and he is still at his mother's house. It is time to get my children's dinner around, so I need to focus on them for now. Thank you for helping me and steering me in the right direction, based on the facts. Hypothetically speaking, if there is no evidence of an affair, do I have any options other than to watch him leave and hope for the best? Keep presenting the new me throughout the whole process and hope it is noticed?

If there is no affair, which will be astonishing, you would do your best to make yourself an attractive option. I would also tell him that you won't cooperate with any separation/divorce schemes but would be willing to fix the marriage.

Thank you so much. If I give any indication that I might not agree to the divorce he gets angry. I think I am still in denial, because I don't want to face any of it. I will stand firm on my beliefs and wanting to work things out. In the mean time, I will keep digging. Thank you so much for all your help today.

Still baffled. He left a few days ago. Took nothing except for all his clothes, and some personal items. I've seen his new place and it will be nice for the kids visits. He has spent the last few days buying used/cheap items for his home and making it presentable for their visits.

I have scoured his phone bill and every call is either to me or his mother and sisters. I checked his texts, his online history, bank account, and email for the past six months and he is 100% clean.

I saw a lawyer on Monday and he suggested he might be depressed due to his father's death. He also said he shouldn't be making sudden, rash decisions at this point and should just be hanging tight and waiting it out...whatever that might be. He thinks he will be spiraling downhill fast.

He doesn't necessarily seem depressed to me, but he does seem to be stressed and has a very determined one track mind...he is hell bent on setting up a new life for himself and has not spoken any words of getting back together or working things out.

I don't know where to go from here or what to do or how to act. Is it over for us? I have not initiated any contact. He calls every night to say goodnight to the kids and we say goodnight too before hanging up. There has been no conversation other than who should be paying for what at this point. We still have a joint account and he has created a separate checking account tied to the joint. I can see all his transactions. I'm sure this is all an interim solution on his part, because he is likely trying to take it one step at a time, since I previously conveyed to him that I was still adjusting to his decision and needed time to come to terms with everything. I asked him to slow down.

He has not mentioned the word "divorce" for about two weeks. Does that mean anything or is he just biding his time? I have been pleasant and happy towards him. I don't cry or talk about anything anymore, because he used to put up a brick wall if I mention working things out. By all accounts, he should think I am moving on happily. Of course he knows my true feelings, I'm sure, because this has all happened in just a matter of two weeks.

Am I doing the right thing by going along with everything and maintaining a happy face? Should I be asking him to come back and work things out, or will that just push him farther away emotionally? I have shed many tears. This is so hard. The hardest part is not understanding and not knowing why..other than the weak reasons he previously provided.

I know nobody will have the right answers to my questions, but if anyone has any words of encouragement or thoughts, it would really help.

Also, does anyone know of any private online support group? I need help getting through this emotionally and would like to talk to others who may be going through the same thing or went through the same thing.

I am sorry but I am not baffled at all. He is having an affair. You just have to dig deeper. That is the best support we can give you. This is a non starter until you find the evidence. Sorry.

I am saddened by your situation and amazed by your composure. I am new to this marriage building and am actually the withdrawn one in my relationship. I think you have come to the right place, as it has given me hope and direction.

Thank you ladies. I just need some kind of support; I feel like I am falling apart inside and have no outlet. I have to maintain composure for my little ones and my tremendous responsibilities at work, but unfortunately when I get home I lean my head on their little shoulders and the tears and pain just flow. I know this is probably detrimental to them. I need to keep it together for them.

I just don't know if I should just do as he has requested and let go and move on; accept it is over or show him I love him and committed to saving the marriage at all costs. I actually did the latter in a phone call today and it didn't go well at all. I keep thinking about that saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Maybe I should just give him his space and show him I am moving on without him and happy/content. Maybe a little mystery will help things?

This is a hopeless cause until you have uncovered the affair. I would do nothing until you have uncovered the evidence. Because the survival of your marriage depends on that. Showing him love and commitment will avail you exactly NOTHING if there is an affair. Giving him "space" to carry on his affair will make the situation WORSE.

I don't know how to express how critical it is that you find out what is truly going on because there is no hope unless you do so.

The Titanic is sinking and you can either cry about it and give him "space" or you can get up and plug the hole in the ship. The ship is sinking right now. What will you do?

Unfortunately, despite my in depth efforts, there is zero evidence of an affair. He may be contemplating one or even looking forward to an emotionally fulfilling relationship. I suppose if I felt I was in a loveless marriage for the past ten years I might be looking forward to the same if I finally had the wherewithal to finally move on.

He feels I emasculated him to the point something finally broke inside and there is no love left for me in his heart. He said tonight he is dealing with years of repressed anger and I will never change. He also said when his father died recently it made him realize his own mortality and he didn't want to spent the rest of his years in a loveless, dead marriage. Anything I say about saving the marriage, he feels is just another way to control him, bully him, and control the situation. Of course I am not totally to blame in what went wrong. I definitely have my grievances, but I would have never ended my marriage because of them.

I suppose since he has moved out, I have lost my advantage to do much of anything, except watch the ship sink.

I don't believe it for a minute. I would keep looking. THAT is the key. A person doesn't up and leave for those reasons. Rather they stay and try to fix the problem. They will leave for an affair, though.. And 99% of the time the marriage is bad, so that is being assumed.

Dr Bill Harley, clinical psychologist and founder of Marriage Builders, has been doing this for 40 years and here is what he says:

here

The KEY is to find the evidence. If you can do that, we can help you save your marriage.

Thanks, I will definitely keep my eyes peeled. He is the kind of man that if he felt he was attracted to someone else to the point that he wanted to physically be with them, he would end the marriage before that happened. He told me that early on. I am thinking this this "could" have happened, but no proof. Not much I can do or "see" now that he has moved out, but don't worry, I am on the alert.

This is what most people say before they have affairs. But people in affairs never actually do this. Rather, they hide the affair from their spouse so he/she doesn't interfere.

I am concerned that you actually believe this and will not take serious steps to dig out the affair.

I don't blame you for believing this because you believe you KNOW your husband. But you don't KNOW or understand waywards. We do know waywards here.

But please, don't take my word for it!! I am just some kook on the internet. Hire a PI and you will see.