My ex husband and I separated 2 and a half years ago after 7 months of marriage counseling when I was notified of his affair by the other woman. I didn't want to just throw in the towel without attempting to save our marriage but although he pretended to want to work things out, he was dishonest in counseling and asked for a divorce. I left that day with our 5 month old son. The next two years were a nightmare. He moved the mistress in our home, we had a very nasty divorce and our divorce was finally finalized seven months ago. He and his girlfriend currently have a 6 week old son.

I told my self that I would NEVER consider ever getting back together with him. EVER. However, about a year ago, he started seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist and have been put on medication to regulate his newly diagnosed ADHD Inattention Disorder. Since the divorce was finalized he has been asking me to consider reconciliation. He goes out of his way to help and support me, financially and emotionally. He finally admits responsibility for his affair and the damages that he has caused. He child with her was not planned, but we all know he's a gift from God. He knows that the grass was not greener on the other side. He says that he loves me and is still in love with me, and he wasn't thinking clearly because he was not on medication. He and his girlfriend have had a strained relationship since before their unplanned pregnancy. In fact, he admits it's always been a challenge because it never started on a solid foundation. She revealed in a text message that she knows he'd rather work things out with me rather than be with her, if I'd take him back.

I'm not making any decisions now, but want to know what are the chances of a successful relationship together after divorce and now the dynamic of a child and woman that will forever be connected to us. Should I tell him to go swim up a creek and not give it another chance or is this something to consider?

I'm not getting it, he says he made a mistake because he was on medication, but now he's on medication and still has the mistress in your home?

I have done that so many times, driving myself crazy thinking about what-ifs over pretty words that haven't been been backed up with action yet. How about continuing working on moving on until there are actions to match the pretty words? I think you and your son are more at risk of you taking him back to soon, than of you not seeing it if there was actual consistent change in him.

Does his GF know he is talking to you about reconciliation? Do they still live together?

I'm not sure if the GF knows he talks to me about reconciliation. Up until this week, I've barely talked to her, as ExH and I usually do the exchanges of our son.

They are still living together, she just had a baby 6 weeks ago, and is going back to work from her short maternity leave of 8 weeks.

He says that he believes she is going to move out once she's back at work and receiving full pay.

He claims he sees things clearly now that he is on medication. She is still there, because according to him, "he's learned that if you don't know what do to, don't do anything". So he doesn't make rash/wrong decisions. He feels she is suffering from post partum depression, and she needs help with their new son.

I absolutely agree that nothing at this point other than him seeing a therapist/psychiatrist and medication have been a step in the right direction. I told him the other that day, that I would not even consider "dating" or spending time with him outside of anything related to our son until his relationship with her was over and she was no longer living there. And I have still not even have decided that giving it another go round would be a good idea for me or our son. I am extremely hesitant. I want what is best for my son first, and myself second.

Honestly, it sounds to me like he is playing both sides of the fence. He learned through his affair how nice it was to have his needs met in 2 places and wants to set up a similar game. He never learned from his mistakes in the past and it sounds like he still feels very entitled to seek relationships outside of his current relationship. In other words, he has learned nothing so any future with him would be more of the same. You can rest assured that if he met another woman that interested him more in the future, there would be nothing stopping him from pursuing it.

If I were you, I would run for my life. It is clear he has not changed the boundaries - or sense of entitlement - that led him to seek an affair in the past, so the past is doomed to repeat itself.

ADHD does not cause people to have affairs. And it sure hasn't stopped him from cheating on his [current] romantic interest. He will just cheat on you again too if given another opportunity.

Another thing to consider is the fact that the OW will be in your lives forever. Her presence will be a disaster.

A great book to read in your circumstance is Buyers Renters Freeloaders by Dr Willard Harley.

Thank you so much for your advice and insight. All your points are the same ones I have thought of. : )
And thanks for the book recommendation!

If you want to restart your relationship then you must tell your XWH that he must move the OW out of his home and go NC with her before you will even discuss the ground work to getting back together.

This gets my vote. Rebuild your life with your son. The ex is a loser.

Sam, ask yourself this: what has changed that would stop him from pursuing another affair in the future if you got back with him? Nothing has changed at all. He has demonstrated to you in a thousand different ways that nothing has changed by his actions in the present.

All you would be doing is setting yourself up for more of the same.