The quick 'n' dirty:
Wife left me for another guy 3 mos. ago. They're together all the time. We have kids. Going through divorce.

The problem:
Now, she's claiming she misses me, our life, wants to try again.
I suspected this might happen but I'm not sure how to handle it and certainly not this fast.
Problem is, I also do want our life back. I miss her and was devastated when she left. I had full Trust in her.

Forum: What do I do? Do I follow my feelings and take her back? Or, do I stay stanced and keep divorce going. She left me once, it could happen again, she shouldn't have left so quickly, etc.

Welcome to MB.

I suggest you click "notify" and ask for your thread to be moved to the forum Surviving an Affair. You are not committed to a divorce and so this is not the forum for you (yet, if ever). If you want each other back, then the logical thing to do is kill the affair and build a new marriage.

In the meantime, please tell us about your marriage and about the affair. Who is the other man? Is he a colleague, or an ex boyfriend? How did they conduct their affair - in your home, in hotels? Do they travel for work?

How many kids do you have?
Who do they live with?

ok, I will change the venue, thanks for recommendation

The Quick: Wife left me for another guy 3 mos. ago. They're together all the time. We have kids. Started going through divorce process, I got a lawyer, etc.

The other man: she's known him for years, they work together. She started showing signs of affair and claims was emotionally disconnected from me. He was married and got divorced 6 or so mos. ago and started calling her (I think) for comfort. They began spending time together, I found this out later, she had been lying about hanging wtih her girlfriends and such.
I didn't see any early signs of her checking out, we were generally happy. Finally, I confronted her and she admitted that she had a connection with him. We tried counseling, she was so checked out, didn't show up for some of the sessions (instead, seeing him). Then, she just moved out, said it was over. The guy has pretty much moved in with her.

The kids: 2 girls, One is mine of previous relationship. One is ours together.

The Problem: Now, she's been emailing me, claiming she misses me, our life, wants to try again.
I suspected this could happen but I'm not sure how to handle it and certainly not this fast.
Problem is, I also do want our life back. I miss her and was devastated when she left. I had full Trust in her.

Forum: What do I do? Do I follow my feelings and try to take her back? Or, do I stay stanced and keep divorce going. She left me once, it could happen again, she shouldn't have left so quickly, etc. I can't go through that breakup again. She claims there was no sex with him, it was purely a supportive relationship. This would usually be totally unbelievable to me but the guy is known a druggie, it's possible he can't have sex.
Whew, the drama we live through ...... I'm a wreck.

Who has custody of the kids?

I would tell her she will need to prove she is serious outside of you, if she cuts the OM out of her life first.
Starts being honest, maybe even a lie detector so you can be sure.
Then if everything is up and up you can start dating again��.
You can't do anything or engage as long as the affair is going on��She is getting her fix from you, the OM must not be filling all her needs, she is cake eating�
If she is serious she will do what she asks in order to prove herself���.there is no rush, take your time���.

Thanks for replies.
Custody is shared for both children; if I did get divorce, there wouldn't be huge issue with custody. We've both agreed that we'd split time with our child evenly. For most part it would likely be easy split.

Her position is she'll boot the other guy and come back to me and we work on fixing our relationship. I really would like to do this.
But by choosing to run away with him, she devastated me. I think she realizes the other grass really isn't much more green.

My fear is that if I forgive her and try, that we can't make it work and get into breakup mode again. I don't think I could handle that and it would be stressful on the kids. I'm really torn at this point. Do I try again with her? Or end it now.

You wouldn't forgive her, though. You would give her the opportunity to give Just Compensation, which is appropriate in the case of infidelity.

Just Compensation is this:

Extraordinary Precautions for life to avoid ever having another affair.

Integrated and transparent lifestyle; never spend another night apart.

Eliminate all the conditions that led to her affair.

Create a romantic, passionate, and safe marriage that is better than it was before the affair.

Is this the only time your wife has been unfaithful?

It's a good point you make. But, I really do think so.
And, I kind of believe the no-sex part (or maybe just I want to).
I did see the behavior change and the indicators so I'm fairly positive that this was only one. Prior to the radical change, I was really happy. I'm struggling with whether I can deal with this forever and wondering if it's possible to get back to that place. I'm getting the vibe from this forum that it would be ill-advised to take her back. That was my initial reaction, but too much thinking has led me to this point, I do want to be back to the good place. Is it possible?

I don't see from the responses on your thread that there is any such "vibe" against giving your marriage the opportunity for recovery. Anyone would understand if you decided to divorce your spouse, but if you would like to give your wife the opportunity to EARN your forgiveness, you can get help for that, too.

You would need to get the whole truth from your wife and she would need to agree to a program of recovery. If you and she both follow all the steps in the Marriage Builders program of recovery, you will both be in love with each again. Trust would return in 2 - 5 years.

At this point, I'm more concerned about your kids safety.
You said her boyfriend is a well known drug addict.
Drug addicts are very dangerous around kids.
Are you concerned about the safety of your kids?

There are a few conditions that you should demand from her before you even consider reconciliation-- a polygraph in which she answers all questions, quit her job of they work together, and write a no contact letter to him.

Ask her if she will do these things