My wife has posted on here in the past about an affair I had with a coworker and we're working on our marriage, but she isn't aware of another affair I had. I want to come clean about it, but I'm terrified it'll end us.

For the last few months, I�ve been having a sexual affair with my children�s after school nanny. She�s a student at a local college who was recommended to us by my wife�s coworker. If I�m honest with myself (and it�s no excuse whatsoever), I got caught up in a younger, attractive woman aggressively coming onto me and I didn�t stop it. It was fun and exciting and I compartmentalized the guilt by telling myself that I loved my wife and it was only sex with the nanny. I finally ended it last Thursday and the nanny said she understood that I didn�t want to jeopardize losing my family. It�s over, but I feel my wife should know; it�s not fair to her if we're going to build a new marriage on trust and respect.

It's real important that you tell her the full truth right away. She may end the marriage, but that is her right.

Brian

The longer you wait the worse not telling the truth will become, in it's effect on you, in your wifes response and in delaying your ultimate recovery.

There is no recovery without revelation.

Tell your wife everything now, then offer to take a polygraph, and get tested for STDs.

God Bless
Gamma

What is your wife's posting name?

Have you been tested for STD/I?

Obviously the extra marital sex hurts BWs like myself, but what hurts way more is the fact that we are married to liars who treat us like fooled dupes.

It's the lies, more than the intercourse that stings. So if you are voluntarily honest you can go a long way to alleviating that pain for your wife.


Also worthy of consideration is the fact that you are definitely going to get caught anyway. This nanny is an attention seeking powder keg. She wasn't bowled over by your particular attributes. She probably causes chaos like this in every household, like your wife's coworker. When she gets caught, you will too.

Mistresses like these, who are highly sexual and aggressive WANT the wife to know. They view it as a competition. When your OWs attempts to draw you back in fail (however it's more likely that it won't fail) she'll go to your wife.

There are also a million other ways this could come to light. If it happens in ten years, your wife will have ten years of lies to recover from. In twenty, twenty years of memories will be wiped out overnight.

So do it now. If your wife throws you out that is her right. However you can continue to show her a transparent and faithful offer if you are dedicated. If you are the best guy for the job she may eventually see that.

Don't wait for the decision to be honest to be taken out of your hands.

Also do not allow this dangerous woman to enter any more happy family homes. Your mistress should be exposed before she hurts anyone else.

Tell her the truth today! Besides, she will wonder why you fired the nanny. The nanny is gone, right?

This. I'm pretty sure he conveniently left that out because she is not gone only the Affair "is over".

You obviously have poor boundaries around women, you need to come completely clean and push for a polygraph so you can get everything out and be completely transparent. Unfortunately your W will not believe anything you say for a long time but you need to do everything possible to be completely transparent. You must have no contact with the A women and must put together a list of EP's that will protect your W so you don't have the opportunity to be unfaithful again.

This is all assuming she even gives you another chance. Honestly, you are not entitled since you are a serial cheater but it's ulitmately your wife's choice.

So do you still have contact with this "nanny"? Good post, as I was thinking the same thing.

If it wasn't all so terribly sad and disgusting, this sly little response from the nanny would be funny. She knows nothing is going to change. All she has to do is wiggle past a few more times and it's all back on.

She's smiling into her employers face, taking her appreciation and money with one hand and stabbing her in the back with the other. This poor BW has been paying this jumped up ho to 'aggressively' open her legs for her H.

Yet the nanny suddenly 'understands' this is a bad idea! Does she also 'understand' she is now out of a job and can't come swanning into the family home to do her two-faced act anymore?

It's a bit like a burglar understanding that you might not want to lose any more stuff. Is he still so understanding when you call in the cops?

How much money has this ho-bag taken from this family under false pretences?

Let's ask if she 'understands' she can't have any more! Like she has a vote! Good grief.

BrainHurts,
I don't know my wife's username. Last year she had mentioned posting to this site for advice and support, but I didn't ask for her username or to read her posts because I wanted her to write what she truly felt without worrying I might read it.

I was tested recently, thankfully all tests were negative.


cyllanlisa,
The nanny is still working for us; she'll be gone by the end of May when she graduates. I think it'll be worse to admit to my wife while the nanny is still working for us than when she's gone. Sadly, my wife likes her very much and she's great with our kids.


txstunnedman, TranquilDark
I know I'm not entitled to anything. I've been married to my wife for 16 years, together for 18 years total and I was faithful until I messed everything up last year. It's very judgmental of you to call me a "serial cheater" without knowing our history. I came to this site for advice and help, not to be made to feel like a bigger POS.


indiegirl,
As ridiculous as it sounds, our nanny is in a serious relationship with a guy she's sure about marrying. She doesn't want to break up my marriage or rub anything in my wife's face.


Bottom line, I know I need to confess to my wife but I'm terrified of the outcome. Ultimately it's her decision to stay or leave me and I guess I'm holding back because I know she'll leave me.

Why in God's name is the nanny STILL working for you?

You must tell your wife and you must get other child care OR your marriage doesn't stand a chance.

If you don't tell your wife yet and keep the nanny....later your wife will be even MORE hurt that you kept it longer from her.

How awful it will be to reveal this but it would be more awful if you wait or never do it.

There is no chance for a true, intimate relationship with your wife if you don't do it without further delay......now.....

Brian, allowing this OW to continue caring for her children, day in and day out, keeping this from her, really ranks up there with one of the most cruel things anyone has done here in this section. It's really right up at the top, my stomach twists thinking of your poor wife. You "ended it" what, five days ago? And will continue to see her for months, allow her to be in your home with your children? Because you are scared your wife will know who you really are?

Yes, you messed up. And you are making it much much worse right now. You are now going way beyond messed up.

You're only thinking of yourself and what's going to happen to you.

If you cared one bit about your wife you'd get her enemy out of her house TODAY

Why should this woman continue to taint your wife's home? Get paid for flirting with you?

Why should your wife be denied the chance to fire her?

What is your plan exactly?

"Honey, I want to come clean. I was having sex with the nanny. I ended it in March but thought it was 'easier' to keep lying for a few more months. So my mistress wouldn't get fired. You don't mind do you?"

You aren't getting rid of her. She's leaving anyway. You're just trying to take credit before she goes. But you'll slip back into the affair long before then and the two of you will get caught.

Like it or not you ARE a serial cheat and not even a one time wayward would be able to resist a backslide when the addiction is under his roof.

I weep for your poor wife.

Your wife "likes her" because she doesn't know she is a marriage wrecking slut who is attempting to destroy her marriage and your childrens family. She doesn't understand she is the enemy your children and herself.

Tell her TODAY. Pack the slut's bags and kick her out. MY GOD. Your wife will never forgive you if you don't warn her about what you and skanky are doing to her and her children in their own home!!


This is a lie. The skankhoe doesn't care about your marriage or your children. Neither do you. Such an immoral person should not be exposed to your children.

*BECAUSE* she is his booty call, that's why!!

Plan wayward typically looks like this:

Step 1 - Concentrate on how all this is going to affect me. This will involve ignoring my wife's right to the truth and her right to leave me/and or fire OW.

Step 2 - Allow the chance for the A to reignite at any moment. Keep the affair within reach. As long as I make a half hearted attempt to end things without actually changing anything I will choose to believe that's enough.

Step 3 - Juggle the above steps until it all blows up in my face.

My friend your wife is not safe with you. You've smashed her heart twice and you are raising your arm for the next blow.

It does sound ridiculous. Happy fianc�es don't bang their bosses husband. This woman has sex for kicks and is happy to devastate the home of those kids she is so great with.

Most OW have a husband or boyfriend too. They are not exactly the faithful type. Wake up.

Why do these guys fall for the OW act so easily?

"I love my boyfriend. I don't want to hurt your wife. But that's no reason to keep my panties on"

Do me a favour.

Brian,

Sadly, my wife likes her very much and she's great with our kids.

Ouch, for Gods sake please make your confession to your BW.

As ridiculous as it sounds, our nanny is in a serious relationship with a guy she's sure about marrying.

So there is one other person whos' life you are damaging, after confessing to your W, please advise the OWs unfortunate fiance not to marry her and make your apology to him. There is a chance the nanny will confess to her fiance and he will come after you with a baseball bat.

God Bless
Gamma