**EDIT**

Good grief Brian. **EDIT**

But...but....but....she agressivly seduced me!

I confessed last night. I was alarmed at her calmness; said she suspected something but had no proof. She said there's no point in getting angry with me as I'm nothing but a disappointment and she's been waiting for the other shoe to drop. There's no saving us, she wants a divorce. She took the kids to her cousin's last night and when she comes home today, she doesn't want me here.

It's good that you told her, she deserves to know, and as you were well aware, it's her right to decide to try to salvage the marriage or end it.

Sorry Brian. I was trying to get you to see how weak and foggy your logic was.


Honesty and facing your actions are the first step. Coming clean on your own is the best thing to have done.

You now have the opportunity to turn yourself around and make amends.

Glad to see you told her. You are correct, there is likely no saving this, when you chose the girl who was being paid to care for her children while she was out working, I think that is the line where, for most women, recovery becomes impossible. I think she'd rather it was her sister or mother than the woman paid to watch her children in her own home.

If for some reason she chooses recovery in the future, you will have to start by selling this house, do not expect her to ever return to it.

I am glad you told her. I would suggest you tell the nanny to hit the road and move out and find a hotel room.

The other posters are correct...YOU ARE A SERIAL CHEATER!! Is there more than one AP? Well there ya go!!! If you can't admit BASIC FACTS like this you are only deceiving yourself.

That fact that your wife knew of one affair..yet stayed and was trying to recover...and you were STILL cheating with another IN HER HOUSE with the children's caretaker...that would be a dealbreaker for most. You have crushed this woman. You may have destroyed your marriage but TODAY you can decide to be respectful of your BW. If she wants a divorce, don't be a jerk about it.

Telling her was the right thing to do.

You can choose to be a decent and worthy man (for whoever is your honest to goodness mate) in the future.

You don't have to be the guy you have been.

Learn about the concepts here and be a better father and work on how to be a better man.

Good job for doing the right thing by telling her.

Did you fire the nanny?

BrainHurts,
Yes, my wife called the nanny last night to fire her. She also had a few choice names for her as well, fortunately my kids didn't hear. She emailed me at work today and said she's not ready to come home yet. When she is, she wants me to stay with my brother.

Did the nanny clear out? And are you moving to your brothers?

Did you and the nanny have a last hurrah last night?

Good for you to tell her the truth. You are not being judged here understand that you are simply being provided with honesty. Your actions were cruel, unfair and selfish and nothing else will explain better than those three words. Now that you have done the right thing and made your BW aware you must let her maker her decision. The principles on this board teach us that anyone and everyone is wired to have an Affair so nobody thinks you are a bad person. You simply didn't protect your marriage from an affair, you had poor/no boundaries with the opposite sex.

If your wife gives you another chance, follow the principles outlined is SAA completely. You have already proved your current lifestyle does not prevent an A so you must follow the MB plan completely to prevent another affair and you must provide just compensation to your BW so she doesn't build with resentment and come to hate you.

Everybody here is willing to help you, your wife and your marriage but the principles must be followed exactly. Since you are a serial cheater any deviation from Dr. Harley's plan would be disastrous to your marriage.

I would actually go on step further, Brian, and say that you should follow the MB plan REGARDLESS of what your wife decides to do. Learning the principles here, and learning to apply them, will make you a better man and a better father. AND you will be a better husband as well, whether with your current wife or not.

This can be a big turning point for you. Why not grab the opportunity here with both hands? You will be teaching your kids a wonderful lesson.

You had the courage to tell your wife about your A. Do you have the courage to make these changes in your life?

You need to expose to the Nanny's fianc� too. Consider seeing your physician for an antidepressant.

This x1000. That poor guy deserves to know what he is getting into before he makes vows to that woman. It is your duty to warn him since this is your fault.

I wish you would've fired the nanny yourself. To show your BW you're serious about protecting her.

Have you written a NC letter to the nanny and given it to your BW to send?

When will you be exposing to the nanny's boyfriend?

Have you emailed this thread to your wife? Maybe she will come here for help?

Send this to your BW.

[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

Brian,

Glad you did the right thing, I really can't imagine you going through the rest of your marriage trying to avoid mention of the nanny that your BW loved, each time you hear being a trigger. Living in fear of being discovered is no way to live.

Everyone here understands why you went for the young nanny, and given a lack of personal boundaries I think any male here would fall for those charms.

God Bless
Gamma