Blindsided,

Very disappointed in you - HHH is absolutely correct in that, after all this time you have spent here and the members as well, you have no plan! You conveniently replied to HHH that you 'kept it together'. That is not a plan! It's continuing a saga! From what I recall regarding your divorce, you did not have an attorney and you allowed visitation to be up to your exW, without any formal visitation order. Therefore, I think you're at her whim. More than that tho,, neither of you seem to be willing to communicate with each other regarding any change of plans for your daughters' sake, and the resolution to that could be accomplished with a simple phone call AND a mutually agreed-upon schedule BEFORE you two get into this hissy spit! With your constant debasing of your exW, think it's impossible for you to do a Plan A.

Quite frankly Blindsided, I don't think this is the appropriate forum for you. I think you would be better served on the Divorcing/Divorced forum because your primary issues at this point are visitation and child support.

Tom

You can ask the Moderators to move your thread to the Divorce Forum, just click Notify and send them a message.

I dont blame you for being mad with your ex wife.
Adultery is a terrible thing. I personally will NEVER tolerate adultery in any future marriage.

If I get married again and there is cheating, there will be no plan A for me...it will be plan Divorce!

Good for you, but there have been many who chose Plan A/Plan B over Plan D, and they saved their marriage and made it better then ever.

If it makes a difference, my thoughts are more focused on what I might do to get her attention and what I can do to show her that I am not the person I was a year ago. And I'm not, really. I do not have many episodes of depression, although when I do I post about it and it may seem like a lot. I am expressing it here rather than to her. I have been thinking about setting up a regular delivery if flowers but keeping it anonymous for now. Good/bad idea?

On a side note, I've been chatting with a female coworker who gave me a ride home last week. I told her the cliffs notes version, how the xW is still with the POSOM. She said "oh, that won't last." Funny how that seems to be the consensus. Maybe it is all over but the shouting and she just stays with him because she has nothing else going on.

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
--Lao Tzu

This would be Plan A.
You seem to keep changing your mind on what you want to do.
View this as a football game...or perhaps a battle plan. You need to have a plan and stick with it.

Instead of being upset YOUR kids are with you for an extra day. Enjoy that day with them. Forget what she is doing and who she is doing it with. I know its easy to say but hard to do but for your own health and sanity you need to. Stop over analyzing your ex's every move.

-You know she is in an affair
-You know she is sleeping with the [censored]
-You know why she had the kids stay with you for an extra day

Stop fretting over stuff you already know. Focus on the positive and stop ignoring posts then complaining that no one is reading your thread. Did you ever post the wording of the restraining order? I'm not buying the "I didn't do anything" excuse. Why was one put together? It seems like you conceded to your ex's demands because you became apathetic and lazy.

What did you do with your children for that extra day? I hope you weren't a Grumpy Gus and cherished the time with them. Remember this is WAR! Your kids are your allies! Do fun things with them. You think POSOM will do it? As you do these things with your kids they will relay those experiences to their mother. Thus, lighting the path back to you because you have made changes and witnessess (kids) to those changes.

First thing is first though, where's the wording of the restraining order? When you drop/pick up kids do you have any contact with her? Are you keeping a VAR on you? You need to get that removed otherwise Plan A is Plan Blind (pun intended).

Oh, I wasn't upset. I might have even done a fist pump when I read her text. I love being with my kids, which is why I say yes at every opportunity.

I am not grumpy around them, either. I probably give them too much affection sometimes because a lot of times when I want to hug them or tell them to give me a kiss, I am talkin' to the hand. I do as much as I can with them, although recently allergies have been killing me so we've been doing indoor stuff. I got them new puzzles which they love.

When I drop them off, a lot of the time my 5 year old will start crying, and I see her crying when she's in the xW's car. I can't imagine a mother being so callous that it would not bother her. Many times they don't even want to go back to their mother, and they get upset when it is time to go. I'll plant little seeds like "It would be nice if we all lived together, wouldn't it?" I don't do that much, though.. I don't want them to feel any pressure, but my 5 year old knows that it is not right. She will NOT mention the POSOM at all. when she slips up and tells me a story about something they did or where they went with the POS, it's always with "nobody" and "nowhere". So she is censoring hereof with me, and it bothers me because she is probably being coached.

Anyway. Meeting the engineer tomorrow. I have a feeling it will be a very fruitful meeting. He sold another unit to a good friend of his (She wants one when they are available). I think we have a dozen sold to people we know, and the protos aren't even done yet.

Cheers.

Can you please post the language of the restraining order?

Wow.. xW is assuming that I didn't want my kids all weekend because she unloaded them onto me last weekend. Since this is my weekend to have them through Sunday. She's not very good at adhering to court orders herself.

She's also being a b*tch about it. Nothing has changed on her side of things, that's for sure.

Okay, now I am pissed. Her best friend from high school is friends with the POSOM on Facebook. So she must have met him when she was visiting last year.

By the way, the "Christian" xFIL found a piece of scripture to justify not speaking to me any more.

It is complete.

What is the Scripture that the ex FIL is referencing?

So she didnt let you see the girls this weekend?

(with regard to child support)

1 Timothy 8
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

I had explained to him that I was talking to the case worker about getting the state refund credited and making arrangements to pay arrears. I had that hearing, which broke in her favor, of course. I start paying on the new schedule April 1.

Obviously he has either been talking to her, or hearing all the whining about being broke (despite being able to buy a new iPad and going on weekend skiing trips). Apparently she doesn't understand or care how divorce affects finances.

My daughter turns 5 next week. I am getting my girls for that evening, and I may see if I can keep them overnight. I guess xW's sister and her family are going to be there over the weekend so I am not seeing my girls Saturday like I usually do. I am quite positive the POSOM will be there too. This is really going to bother me even though I will try not to let it get to me too much.

My xW's sister adopted a baby last year. I have never seen her. I used to enjoy visiting with them, but I haven't seen them in well over a year, either. I know that her sister is not really on board with the divorce, but I am sure she will cave like very one else.

Everything has been bothering me again lately. Probably because it has been a very long week of work and I am missing my girls more than usual. I've also been going out on dates the past few weeks and all they have managed to do is reinforce the fact that I am really not interested in anyone else.

I want to do some kind of proactive Plan A, but I don't think it will do any good as long as POSOM is in the picture. Still feeling very stuck.

Before you go calling me eyeore again, I am just mentioning the past week and how I feel at the moment.

Hi BSNM,

While I am not an expert in MB, but IMO Plan A means that you have to meet your xW ENs fully.

From what you said so far, it looks like your xW ENs are Attention/Affection and Financial Support. Probably, you can add some more...

While you cannot meet them, Plan A is not going to work.

I cannot advise you but, again, IMO, I would focus on fixing those aspects first and then come to her with Plan A.

And, from personal growth point of view, it would help if you could eliminate "poor little me" attitude...

Blindside,
You need to make up your mind on plan A or Plan B.
We can help you with either but you need to decide and stick with your decision

The affection EN is in the form of sex. As long as she is getting that met by the POSOM, a Plan A will be missing that component. Having said that, the POSOM cannot meet her financial needs or any family-related needs. The best I could hope for would be to meet those and hope she switches sides again.

On a side note, I just picked up my girls. xW looked very unhappy. Nothing was said - she just got them out and dropped their bag in front of me. She did strap the little one into her car seat in my truck, which she has never done, as far as I know. She also lingered in her car until I was almost done strapping them in. Of course I stopped reading into her actions too far long ago, but it still makes me wonder.

Did you say anything to her?
In Plan A you would say, 'Hi, How was your day/"

Not really. I need to ease into that. She seemed unhappy, and I thought better than to talk to her. Old habits I guess. That's the big reason we're divorced - withdrawing from each other.