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Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 12
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Posts: 12
She travels a couple of times a year for work. If it's somewhere I can also do work, Photography, I'll go with her.

She takes a generally passive role in our relationship letting me take the lead so after I get these messages sorted out, I've got a talk planned. Still learning Harley's lingo but I'm starting to get the larger picture of how his ideas work. Will keep gathering data.

Here's one conversation I had an issue with:
------------------------------
WIFE: working on getting that submission question added. but it needs a name.
this is the one about whether it was solicited or not
MALE COWORKER: Internally Solicited
WIFE: gross
MALE COWORKER: you love it
WIFE: you know it
------------------------------

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 12
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Posts: 12
Just before we took a trip overseas, she was booking our flights
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MCW: orbitz dot com OMG you are not even working!
WIFE: nope. "We have been notified by the airline of a significant change to your travel itinerary."
MCW: that means your flight leaves 15 minutes later probably
WIFE: ok. because i am panicking.
MCW: relax
WIFE: this flight is the thing i'm most worried about. i don't care about getting home. but i need to get there on schedule.
MCW: you likely have many hours between legs right?
WIFE: nope
MCW: how much space between your legs?
WIFE: like an hour and a half or some nonsense
MCW: you want as large a gap between your legs as possible
WIFE: yeah, that's not possible
MCW: see...jokes help people relax
------------------------------

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 12
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Posts: 12
Wife talking about having a mammogram and dental appointment in the same week
------------------------------
MCW: teeth and boobs. they go very well together good luck. i will probably take a day or two off around my bday, but who knows
WIFE: ok, what do you want to do for your birthday lunch. do you want me and FEMALE COWORKER to take you out by ourselves?
MCW:

I got this from ANOTHER FEMALE COWORKER (over instant message)
"do you have a couple of minutes? i want to talk to you about equipment
like, tennis racquets and stuff?"

WIFE:"equipment"
MCW: i know she wants to talk about that
WIFE: fortunately, you could talk about your equipment all day
MCW: well, i'm a man, so there's not much else to discuss
WIFE: not really
MCW: if you'll excuse, i'm going to send a lengthy email to Dong Wang about some extended member benefits me*
WIFE: heh
------------------------------

Last edited by WarmGray; 03/23/14 02:38 PM.
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 12
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Posts: 12
------------------------------
WIFE: so you've never had someone...do things...while you were driving?
MCW: not lost in my own sickening fantasy, that's not the same thing, and you know it
WIFE: hahaha
MCW: that's an entire world apart
just like...ok, i'm driving...i'm bored...hey, i think i'll beat off
WIFE: that's trust right there. because if you crash, your head is going straight into that steering wheel, and you're breaking your neck immediately
------------------------------

Joined: Dec 2007
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Originally Posted by WarmGray
Wife talking about having a mammogram and dental appointment in the same week
------------------------------
MCW: teeth and boobs. they go very well together good luck. i will probably take a day or two off around my bday, but who knows
WIFE: ok, what do you want to do for your birthday lunch. do you want me and FEMALE COWORKER to take you out by ourselves?
MCW:

I got this from ANOTHER FEMALE COWORKER (over instant message)
"do you have a couple of minutes? i want to talk to you about equipment
like, tennis racquets and stuff?"

WIFE:"equipment"
MCW: i know she wants to talk about that
WIFE: fortunately, you could talk about your equipment all day
MCW: well, i'm a man, so there's not much else to discuss
WIFE: not really
MCW: if you'll excuse, i'm going to send a lengthy email to Dong Wang about some extended member benefits me*
WIFE: heh
------------------------------

This is not appropriate work place co worker talk or that of a wife with an OS friend.

Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 12
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Posts: 12
Discussion about a promiscuous co-worker. This one's long.
------------------------------
WIFE: we need some anne shirley up in here
MCW: we already had COWORKER WITH RED HAIR, that was quite enough
WIFE: comparing those two things is an abomination
MCW: :@
WIFE: anne shirley is not a lying whore
MCW: get it? red...head, that's not fair or nice
WIFE: really? how?
MCW: there is no confirmation COWORKER WITH RED HAIR ever accepted money in exchange for sex
WIFE: dinner=money, saying it's not is only semantics
MCW: she screwed a dude for dinner?
WIFE: don't most women?
MCW: like, as a business arrangement? most = all, last i checked
WIFE: no. not all. most
MCW: shirley you're not calling them all whores
WIFE: yes, i am, just my opinion, of course
MCW: ({)(}) slippery slope, my dear bosslady, can i call you my bossom friend, it's a bosom friend, but also a boss
WIFE: haha. yes. how is it a slippery slope?
MCW: because you're saying women who have sex in exchange for niceties provided by men (money, dinner, company, activities, companionship) are whores
WIFE: actually, i'm saying any woman who has sex outside of marriage is a whore. again, just my personal stance.
MCW: what are men who have sex outside marriage?
WIFE: whores
MCW: why not whore mongers
WIFE: i think of a whore monger as a pimp. is that not accurate?
MCW: hmmm good point, the real possibility that i'm one of the few people in your trusted circle of current and former work companions who qualifies as a whore,
MCW: is dawning on me, and i like it
WIFE: laugh
MCW: i should probably go back to grinding away at my guilty, guilty life now
WIFE: yeah, that sounds weird to me (about a work issue)
WIFE: is "that's weird" not sufficient?
MCW: it was sufficient enough for you to define what a "whore" is, evidently :'(
WIFE: you realize i'm not actually the one who defined what a whore is, right?
MCW: but you apply it that way, guilt by association, and besides, the definition only refers to women and promiscuity, not marriage or men
WIFE: you're really hung up on semantics. would you prefer i use tramp, trollop, slut, or any of the other synonyms? what about we just stick to fornicator?
WIFE: is that gender-neutral enough for you?
MCW: if you said COWORKER WITH RED HAIR is a promiscuous skank, that's fine with me
WIFE: but, you know, most people are fornicators, so we really do need a word for those who go, how shall i put this, above and beyond.
WIFE: ok, she's a promiscuous skank. most women i know who have regretted their promiscuity have labeled themselves as whores. if that bothers you, so be it.
MCW: that wouldn't bother me. it bothers them and if it bothers them...why does my opinion matter, again?
MCW: all i wanted to talk about was Anne Shirley and i got a load of Judgey McJudgernaut
WIFE: you brought up COWORKER WITH RED HAIR and got a load of judgey. what did you expect? *brought.
WIFE: you cannot utter her name in the same lines as anne shirley and not expect a brutal backlash.
WIFE: anne shirley is all that is good in the world. the imaginary world. that does not exist.
MCW: i was just going on the redhead angle, but hey, we have one of those, not named RF
WIFE: p.s. she's not a real redhead
MCW: carrots!
WIFE: she dyes her damn hair, that does not and never will count as being a redhead
MCW: thank you, bossom friend
------------------------------

Joined: Mar 2014
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Male Coworker getting hit on by older women in town for a conference
------------------------------
MCW: i went down there to get coffee already.
MCW: it is kinda stupidly arranged, the regular line and the express line
MCW: some MILF was chatting me up
WIFE: i'll bet she was
MCW: I'm like "hey, ring? ring much?" pointing to my rang
WIFE: the conference badges go on, and the rings come off
MCW: you know what's better than sex with strangers? not feeling guilty for the rest of your life. +o(
WIFE: good man
------------------------------

Discussing JFK Assassination 50th Anniversary
------------------------------
MCW: who do you think killed JFK?
WIFE: who cares? he cheated on his wife. if you cheat on your wife, you kinda deserve whatever you get.
WIFE: and vice versa.
MCW: i love talking politics with you for this very reason
------------------------------

Last edited by WarmGray; 03/23/14 03:10 PM.
Joined: Sep 2008
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I don't think it is productive for you to reproduce any more of these messages. We understand the kind of thing that is said in sex texts, and we have already agreed that this kind of conversation isn't appropriate for a married woman to engage in. Folk on Marriage Builders know that better than most.

This is becoming rather voyeuristic and it isn't helping you with your strategy.


BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
Joined: Mar 2014
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Not trying to make it voyeuristic. I posted so many because it's a mixed bag. Some of it is inappropriate. Some of it is marriage affirming.

I'm unable to delete any now.

Mods, please delete anything you feel is excessive.

Last edited by WarmGray; 03/23/14 03:32 PM.
Joined: Nov 2010
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Are you trying to figure out if you need more evidence to expose?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Joined: Jun 2011
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It's all highly inappropriate and if it isn't an affair yet, it will be. It could well be already. I would never talk with a man like that unless we were more than friends. It's very flirtatious and not even remotely professional. That level of contact makes it likely the threshold of emotion is high. I work with my best friend and we'd only send one or two, five messages tops to one another in a day.

I would seriously look into getting a PI to follow her at lunchtime to see what happens. If you don't you'll always wonder.

She deleted the messages because she knew this is inappropriate and wrong. But does it anyway. It also proves she cares more about his comfort level than yours.

A big worry which I would take seriously.



What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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