abccba,

Can you make a good attempt at finding OM's XGF and expose? Weren't they together for a few years and "broke up" when this affair started?

Take your pick ded, did, dod, dud, and sometimes with a y, dyd.

Yes can try again. You are correct, they were together for 14 years (apparently).

An update: met with one of her closest friends and her husband. As I thought she is totally downplaying the affair to her friends, to the point of making it sound like nothing at all and then painting me the villain. I told them some of the details which shocked them greatly, but also took responsibility for my part in it all. I hope that I have an ally on the side of marriage now who can talk with my WS about things. It may of course all backfire and my WS take offence at me talking to one of her friends again.

You said that you exposed this affair.
Did you miss expsoure to her best friend?
They should have already known the facts.

Hi JK, yes I did expose to her friends. I used the template off here. I realise now that that was another mistake because I did not provide enough detail of the affair to her friends. This has meant that when my WS has spoken to them she has been able to trivialise it.

Just found out that my WS left her wedding ring and engagement rings when I asked her to leave. Really painful to handle, and makes me really sad. It feels like there is not much hope left.

My WS has left hers in marital bedroom, I see them everyday. It also serves to remind me that I do not want to give them back I want her to take them back. She could of sold them! Do not hope do something and expect no return. If you focus on the dark that is all you will see

The irony is that you are missing your wife, who has probably had more sex with OM during her affair than you have your entire 4 year marriage.

Typically, cheating spouses dont like to wear wedding rings anyway. Cheating girlfriends dont like to wear engagement rings; it isnt conducive to the cheating atmosphere.

I'm sorry, the above post was incorrect. i had his thread confused with another poster on SAA

How's it going trying to find OM's XGF? They were together 14 years, so she should know something.

People forget the difference between being truthful and brutal.

Something else I realise now is how much friends can help or hinder recovery. My WS has truly gone on the offensive and has taken every argument we pretty much had in the past 5 years and used it against me. The problem is then that all her friends then back her against me. Even when I spoke to one of them, they dont understand what is happening to believe that my WS could lie, gaslight or not be her normal lovely self. In addition the MB methods make me appear controlling - exposure and EPs are two examples where I have had comments that they think I am trying to control her.

You cannot control her friends' reactions. In almost every case of exposure here, some people on the exposure list react in the way we wish they would while others support the affair.

When I contacted OW's sister on Facebook to ask for her help in stopping the affair, she responded with an abusive attack on me (obviously directed by her OW sister), castigating me for "washing my dirty linen in public" (this was a private FB message to her) and telling me that my H could not have loved me to have done what he did. She was clearly enjoying sticking the knife into me. She had known about the affair from the start as her sister confided everything in her and even took her to meet my H when she was in London for a week. She had never had any moral objection to the affair and would have been happy for her sister if she had managed to leave her husband and kids and find happiness with my husband.

Some people are just amoral! There is nothing you can do about that. Let this reaction of her friends go. You keep bringing it up as if it somehow affects your course of action. It doesn't.

Have you heard back from the Harleys? They always tell you when they are going to discuss your email on the show.

Hi, I suppose I brought it up hoping for a solution, it doesn't sound like there is one, so thank you for telling me straight!

Have heard back from Joyce Harley who asked me if I wanted to ring into the show. I have replied telling her that I don't live in the US, so am waiting to hear back from her.

If there's any way of ringing in, that would be the best. It's worth a very expensive phone call to get their advice.

When I exposed OM to OM brother, he sent me a message MONTHS LATER (actually after divorce) telling me to "grow a pair"..

Birds of a feather flock together, ..

That's ironic, Jedi, because it usually takes BS's "growing a pair" to do the exposure!

Have received an email back saying from Joyce Harley saying my question will be discussed on the radio and she will let me know when.

My WS moved out over a week ago, she has made no attempt to contact me. I have passed some of her stuff she left to her via friends of hers and asked them to ask her if she wants to take the dog (she left the dog when she moved out, even though it was always her dog) but not heard anything back yet. I am keen to hear what Dr Harley recommends although not sure there is any chance of getting to move back in with me.

Well after a week of silence, she text me, saying she would take the dog and thanking me for letting her have the dog. She also apologised that it had come to this and that she would always care for me. She also wished me all the best and happiness for the future. Sounds pretty final to me, but if she is seeing the OM then I suppose it would. Also annoyed me that still there was no remorse.

What do people suggest I do, reply in a similar way or just ignore her?