The other man is not married, I don't know who his parents are. I can tell her, Dad, Step Mom, Brother, Sister, Grandmothers, Her best friend who has alot of influence on her. My wife already pulled her facebook down, the other man pulled his contact info down, I already have it. So I have to do this. It scares the heck out of me. She was pissed the other day, and its simmered down. This first exposure was on Monday. Unfortunatly someone told her how I found out. I talk to her last night and she said this marriage has been destroyed, I told her yes but we can rebuild it and she said no she has to take care of her and step son, she said it can't work and still moving forward with divorce.

I would find out who the OM's parents are and get to them. You can also send exposure letters to his contacts from facebook. Did you read my exposure thread for instructions on how to do a facebook exposure?

I would do this right away because the more you trickle this out, the less impactful it will be.

Once you have it exposed, I would pay this loser a visit and let him know you will not be giving up easily and that he has no future with your wife.

And lastly, I would tell her you are sorry for the way you have dealt with your step son and let her know that you know of a way to deal with him that would make you both happy. Tell her you want to work with her to correct the problems in your marriage. BUT, she has to first end her affair.

Step children are very explosive issues that destroy many marriages if they are not handled correctly. She needs to know you are willing to resolve this in a way that makes her happy. We will TEACH you and your wife how to deal with him.

Do you know for SURE the OM is not married?

I checked in circuit court records it looks like he divorced AS OF 2005.

Can you tell if he remarried?

There is a lot of good information in this single paragraph. There are many things you should change if you reconcile and I would tell her this. For example, working the night shift and drinking are obvious marriage wreckers. If you can overcome this affair, that is something you will want to change.

I realize and understand that she is probably exaggerating grievances [don't tell her that] but there are 3 things in this one paragraph that are sure fire marriage wreckers: the stepson conflict, your drinking and the night shift.

I stopped drinking, I have always tried to talk to step son etc.. I'm suppose to be going back to days in a week or two.

That is a great start! And we can teach you how to handle the step son issues in a way that will preserve the love in your marriage. Your wife needs to know this will change. Harley has a completely different approach to resolving problems in blended families: How to Raise Children in a Blended Family and Keep Love in Your Marriage

So, I need to expose to her family and friends, my family already knows, I just simply told them what I found out and that I want to save my marriage.

I have to get a list together over her friends and family, I have alot on my face book, is that a good way through the private message, Do we have a scripted way to send and say on phone.

What do I have to lose at thios point.

I would not expose to YOUR facebook contacts. Write out a short list of her family and friends. Call her parents and tell them personally, using the talking points in my template letters in my thread. Then send an email to the other family members and close friends using the template in my thread.

Then expose to the OM's family and friends from his facebook contact list. Make a list of his contacts and prioritize them by listing family first and then moving through married friends. Just do a handful of people, around 40-50 and try to target his closest friends and family.

Were you able to find the OM's parents?

Our goal is to SAVE, not lose.

I have to be careful if I confront the other man, I'm a police officer so I have to make sure I don't violate any of my department rules or laws.

Can you take a witness? Like a BIG BUDDY? About 6'5" at 350?

And like I always say: leave your pistol in the car!!

So would it be best by phone or FB, and is there a scripted version on what I need to say. I truly know I want to save my Marriage and family.

I just talk to my wife on the phone she said she feels depressed and I just listen and did hmm and ohh. She seemed calm, when do I ask her about other man if she still is seeing him etc.. she still hasn't fully confessed about the affair.

I googled for parents and I couldn't find anything, I'll try some more.

It depends on who it is. Did you read my exposure thread?? Use facebook to expose to the OM's family and friends. CALL her parents on the phone. Send an email to close family and friends using the templates on my thread.

You need them all to CALL HER and let her know they know. That is your goal.

I know I'm a Police Office, I have to be careful we have laws and rules for obtaining information through our computer system, cant do it, have to do it just like every other average joe.