Her cousin lives in another state, so its not like they hang out etc... I don't even know the last time she talked to her. That cousin told me not to contact her and she supports W decision. I seem to feel like airing it is a bad idea. I stood out the bedroom door listening to her conversation with OM, them laughing talking about her divorcing me laughing and then hr saying when we are together we won't talk about it that is our time to be with one another. She even did her little giggle and laugh with him when he said he was going to do something to her sexual, I know the giggle and laugh etc...

I haven't responded to his message yet. I did use checkmate, I have another pair to test. I was just going to simply tell him, I understand his concern however have some faith in me , I know what I'm doing.

Good sleuthing work my friend, my word you catch on quick.



He's wayward. However he may just be on the brink of an A, so keep trying.

Call XW, get as much detail and info on OM as possible. It's likely you will get a lot of dirt and eye opening information.

Then you can call up her dad and tell him man to man there's proof he is using her for sex and pass on any dirt about him that XW gives you. It will likely be a lot given her reaction.

His plan is probably to see you continue to befriend and support his daughter while she does as she pleases. So, you can make it clear that won't be happening. You will try hard to save her but unless recovery is on the cards she will be at the mercy of a loser after a very nasty divorce.

Wayward dads are notoriously uncaring and unprotective though. My father would have killed any man who got me involved in an affair.

This is why Exposure is useful. You need to know who the naysayers are. You need to know that there are people who would encourage your wife to have an affair or 'friends like this' so they can be excluded in recovery. An affair proof marriage is only surrounded by supportive people.

Yeah that's the wayward deal. Only talk about fun stuff - never unpleasant stuff.

Guess how long this deal lasts in the real world?

That is a GREAT contact to have!!! See if she will give you his parents contact information and get as much information about the OM as possible.

I do!! You have been a champ.

Me too. Highly impressed.

Keep your chin up champ.

My Wife has had a bad relationship with her father, she told me she has always felt second best to him, he remarried and had two more kids, and he never paid my wife any attention, so now he is going to be the hero.

why do I feel like a nervous wreck, Like I did something wrong??
My wife actions, suspicious behavior, taking showers when she gets home late from work, smells funny, lies and said she was at work late, when in fact she wasnt, i over her phone conversations, tmobile familywhere drives her to file for divorce because its controlling to monitor family phones, she goes out every weekend with GF's, My brother who has been stayingwith me said, even before her filing she wasn't home on friday's when kids where at other parents, he didn't think anything of ot, now he's like makes sense. Wife tells me back in august, she is unhappy etc.. I ask we can work on it etc.. she said no I dont't think I want to anymore, and our sex life wasn't good then. she is smoking again, I ask if she is she lies, I seen on credit card she bought them. My brother see's her on the phone smoking cig in sept around 1:00 am, while I'm working a double shift. now I know why everday I come home at 12:45am she is crabby, she has to get off the phone with OM.

My wife is just like the top list in black typeccc indiegirl posted that was from pepperband, sleeping alot when home no real interaction wth me, she would cry in my arms, I notice she smelled more like alochol when she comes home from being out.

I followed her and the next day she tells me what she did, I didn't even ask her and its a lie. totatly opposite of what she did. She has been guarding her phone for a long time. she even has been guarding her purse ever since she filed for D, next to her in bed, she doesn't leave it alone for very long, she tried to gas light me so many times.

So the question is if its just a special friend then why all thebehavior lying, and why get so mad when she was exposed?

Home Run!
You did it!
You are a CHAMP!
I am impressed, you stayed calm and executed.
The amount of anger the wayward express is directly proportional to the effectiveness of the exposure.
Ignore the naysayers- they are enablers.
Get a hold of the OM ex wife- that has to be a huge source of information.
Finish the exposure to the kids.

Make no mistake, there is no such thing as a special friend. That is total BS. Men and women cant be truly friends like that, the sex thing always gets in the way. (this is my opinion)
The wayward never initially admits to anything. If they do admit anything, it will be one or two levels below what the did. In other words, he is just a friend = we were heavy petting in the back seat of the car.

wife didn't come home last night. I have a question, when she was exposed to my family accidentaly she was furious, and it only lasted a couple of days, she then was ok. See, my family didn't contact her, but some did yesterday when I resent out IM, My sister did, she text her, a nice text asking her to work it out with me.

I sure don't feel like I hit a homerun!

That is a typical reaction to a spouse's anger. Men are wired to not "hurt" their wives and exposure feels like he is hurting her because of her reaction. In truth, exposure is therapeutic. It is good for the wayward spouse because it brings her bad behavior out in the open and it is good for the betrayed spouse because it can actually kill the affair and gain support for the marriage.

I think one of the biggest problems has been your night shift. Can you go to your director and ask for a couple weeks off until your shift changes? Or ask to be switched now?

I called the OM ex wife she didn't answer she could be at work. I will try again later. I have to get my brother inlaw to pick my Daughter up from school and have him take her to his house, wife was suppose to pick her up in the kaos she said she isn't. I have to work this afternoon, sucks working 4p-12a it defiently is another contributing factor in this, I've been on this shift for little over a year now and this when everything went down hill. I'm suppose to go to days in a week or to, I went to my department and told them I'm trying to save my M and I needed to be on days. We have to deal with contractual rules and everything, however they can temp assign me out to days for 90 days. so this is a plus/

Can you text the OM's XW with your phone # and ask her to call?

That is great news. My question would be if this can be permanent?

The one day she came home and lied about being at work late, she a strange mark on her left hip like a wrist watch or braclet pinched her skin, she had no idea how she got it. My wife is accident proan don't get me wrong, but this mark looked like it hurt. just thinking out loud..

unfortuanetly, everything is senority based, I do Have 18 years, but only 1 year as a Sergeant, so I'm low person on the pole by senority standards. I will be on the day shift for a least 6 months, until we re-bid for shift assignments. I might even start looking for a job in the private sector. I loved being a Police Officer, however it has taken its tole on me. I actually have changed back to the person I was before I became a Cop. Its extremely hard to explain what I mean and what happens to you when you become one.

I agree it would be a good idea to find a job in the private sector where you can work the day shift. Working night shifts will always cause you problems, in marriage and personally. Dr Harley references a study that showed that people who work nights tend to suffer from low level depression. And in your case, you can't fix your marriage if you aren't home at night.

Do you know if your wife has ever had an affair in the past?

My wife had to work today, I wonder if she is. on a good note, she got a flat yesterday and I fixed it for her in the morning, nice act of service, she told me I didn't have to she would get the maintence guy to change it and she would take on her lunch break.. I went to her work and fixed it.. I wonder if anyone even knew she was having an affair. Her immediate boss she works with had an affair on her husband and he divorced her, I actually work with her ex-husband for long time. He actually talked me about 2 yrs ago and told me about it and to keep my wife away from her. Ironic.