Also this.
Men Don't Leave your Home

Don't worry, I'm not leaving my house as a matter of fact she told me I couldn't sleep in the bed on Monday when the A was exposed to her by a family member. I was back in the bed on Wednesday, I will continue to be in the bed. She hasn't come home yet and she hasn't called. I will just have to ride it out.

Exactly. You would do everything to save your wife from throwing her life away. Dr. Harley considers affairs to be an addiction because waywards behave like addicts. They will throw away everything most important to them and risk losing everything to keep their drug (affair partner.)

Think of your WW as an addict.

You are taking all the right steps to kill this affair and save your WW and your marriage. Don't let misguided people distract you.


It may seem that this was lost on your WW at the time but it is something that she will remember and think about as her affair crumbles around her. You are a natural at this.


Let exposure and reality do its work. I would imagine your WW is in desperation mode right now.

It takes nerves of steel to kill an affair. You are doing great. Nerves of steel... whatever she throws at you next.

Oh great pokerface there is more to come... It is amazing to me that I go on the streets of the most dangerous city in the country and have been shot at, people wanting to kill me fight me, scream and yell at me etc... and I face it like nerves of steel and I expose this affair and I feel liking hiding. Don't worry I wont hide and I will remain calm during everything she throws at me. I'm just describing how there are two different extremes here. Just blows me away.

I'm assuming since there has been no contact or fist of fury coming my way right now isnt a bad thing is it.

So when do I began Plan A, which I know no love busting etc... Do I do it immediately when she finally gets back to the home etc.. Not sure when she is coming back, being that I'm on afternoons, she may try to avoid me.

The key is to be prepared for anything and always stick to the PLAN especially when you start to feel doubt.

Yes.

You not only avoid Love Busters, but you attempt to make deposits by meeting her ENs. You be the best husband you know how.

When will you be exposing to the kids?

Not sure about step son he is at his dads,I don't know when he will be back and I can tell my daughter tomorrow morning. I have to get my brother to pick her up from school, I have to work this afternoon. My wife was screaming and yelling at me on the phone yesterday in front of her son, and I asked where he was at, b/c of the screaming and yelling even though he was with her she said he was at his dads. She did drop him off there, I asked her a few time yesterday evening she did let me have several times yesterday on the phone.

My Father in law just sent me an IM stating to leave his other daughter and mother out of it, and it was unacceptable to post wife was having an affair.

I don't think I will be responding to him anymore.

You are in Plan A already. You fixed her tire at work yesterday (the carrot of Plan A) and you also exposed yesterday (the stick of Plan A.)

Do not do anything to allow her to rationalize her choices, but at the same time do not have any angry outbursts or disrespectful judgments with her. Avoid arguing. There will be a lot of attempts to drag you in to an argument and she will say things to provoke you. Just bow out by saying, I'm not going to argue with you about this.

I think the key to meeting her needs is to look for opportunities to be there for her, as you did yesterday, but not to crowd her and not be weak and to look desperate. Show her the good, strong, caring husband that you are. She will be angered and confused by this, but that is because she is in the fog. Her mind has been kidnapped by aliens.

When I was in your position, I told my wife to either leave her affair partner or to leave the house. She left the house, and that enabled me to more successfully avoid AO's and DJ's. I really hated her, but I also loved her. Having her away helped me to preserve my self-respect, live my life without out anxiety and constant anger, and I could more easily be kind to her from a distance. I made it clear that she could come back if she ended her affair.

Simply tell him you let everyone know about the A because it has hurt you and continues to hurt you. Tell him you are looking for support to save your marriage because you love your wife and you will do everything possible to fight for your marriage. If is he is unwilling to help then that is his decision.

I would not respond further than this and let him know your intent is only to save your marriage and he can help or not. You have no reason to argue with him.

OK sounds like good advice justthe3ofus.

It can DRAIN your life force, to have a lying cheating wife at home.

However. Dr Harley does encourage men to try to compete with the OM for as long as possible.

Are you a cop?

Do you work 12 hour shifts?

Did you run a background check on OM? I ran one on my wifes OM and found out that he was a felon! Make sure you check his background carefully

It is hard to implement a really good Plan A when you are separated.

But not impossible.

Wayward dad could unintentionally be a help. She probably has a historical habit of despising his opinion. His support may be the last humiliation!

Pokerface,
My marriage is fully recovered. After DDay it was easier for me to Plan A with my WW out of the house. As soon as the affair was verified she was given an ultimatum. Conducting her affair in my presence was affecting my sleep at night and would have had a deleterious affect on my mental health had she stayed in the home. Also I needed to set boundaries, that I believe later (now that we are recovered) she respects. The consequence of her actions were clear, and today that serves both of us as a reminder that we are both accountable.

I was able to do an effective Plan A while separated, and I didn't lose my job in the process. Once her affair crumbled, she was able to return home.

WD might be able to Plan A with her in the home. If that works, great. It wouldn't work for me.

Not impossible but a lot harder from a distance. I would not ask her to leave at this early stage (as suggested earlier.) I am hoping she will return after her initial anger settles so you can do a stellar Plan A.

I totally get that Justthe3ofus. It just seems too early for wifedivorcing. In my honest opinion.

fyi, it is harder to recover a marriage when you are separated. This is why Harley reocmmends not doing it if it is a wayward wife. Hold out as long as you can!

At this point I won't give her an ultimatum, I will make sure she is in the house, if she leaves that's on her I can't stop her. She really does despise her dad. So should I tell what was said above about I'm trying to save my marriage..