This is a question for justthe3ofus but others are welcome to add their comments too.

I wondered if you would mind posting how exactly you did a plan A separated from your wife?

I am in the same situation and I cannot imagine how to even to get her to meet up with me.

You should read Justthe3ofus thread

Ah ok thanks will track it down

Click on his name and select "view posts" from the drop-down menu. Then select "topics created" and one of them should be the thread with his story.

abccba,

Once my wife was out of the house, I did everything I could to avoid disrespectful judgments and angry outbursts. That was very difficult to do because I was very angry. Had I given in to my anger, I would have said things that would have made her hate me and driven her farther away. There were times that we would argue by text. But I learned to not let the arguments go on and on. I would disengage to avoid love busting. I feared my wife and I would hate each other forever if we had it out verbally.

Though she was not living in the home, I would see her once a day because she would watch our daughters in the house until I came from work. Whenever I saw her I would say hello and be cordial, but we did not engage in conversation. I did not try and be romantic as her heart was with the POSOM. She was not open to it, and I did not believe it would work with her. In hindsight, though, I wish I had sent a few dozen flowers to her work a few months after she left. That would have been a LB deposit.

I did things on occasion to profess my love and care. I wrote her a letter asking her to consider coming home and reminding her of how special we once were. I included a letter that she had written to me. Much to my surprise, I learned when she came back that she had held on to the letter. I remember once texting her the Youtube link to the song, "I will not give up on you." I also brought soup to her when she was sick. She never said a thing when I did any of these Plan A things, but she still remembers them.

Also, she saw the changes I had made. I became a better, more attentive father, and I stopped doing the things that had made her lose her love for me, mostly independent behavior and annoying habits.

Once the fog lifted, my wife realized she still loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and the girls, not alone with the other man. As you can see, my Plan A was not earth shattering. I did not know at the time that it was working. I thought for sure that any love she had for me had died. But to use the analogy so often used here, I kept throwing the pebbles and rocks in the river, and a bridge was built for her to cross back to my side again.

The significant difference between Justthe3 and abc is that Just has children, and so his wife had a need to be in contact with him. Unless for some reason she had decided on a version of Plan B - which would have been an odd thing for a WS to do - she needed to see him to exchange the children, and unusually, to look after the children in the marital home after she had left them there. Just was able to make what he describes as "not earth shattering" Plan A deposits when he had the opportunity, via their necessary contact. These deposits might have seemed small but they were significant. And as I said before, the WS's knowledge that she is breaking up her children's home and depriving them of their father, or in Just's case, leaving them behind, is a powerful pull to go back to the marriage, even without Plan A.

Your task, abc, if Dr H advises you to stay in Plan A, is finding a way to make Plan A deposits when your wife has no need to see you.

Have you heard back from the Harleys about being on the show?