My dear husband of 24 years has recently decided that he would like a separation as he no longer supposedly has feelings for me but in the last twelve months he has had depression and also rented a room from our son's x girlfriend and they formed a very close friendship possibly too close as she would always say to him that he needed to put his skirt on when she wanted advice and I feel she knows more about my relationship with my husband than I do - she was also heard saying both by myself and by others that my son should be careful of his new girlfriend as she would get pregnant just to trap him and I feel she was in my husband's ear over the same thing but he was never trapped. When I would go and stay down there with him at times he would always make me feel unwelcome if she was around the couple of times I stayed when she wasn't there he was loving and caring and the same when he came home for his days off - he has since moved away from there and is now working elsewhere but keeps telling me he does not know what he wants but yet before he decided to officially tell me we were separated which is not what I want he put himself on a dating site I just happen to get a secondary email about it. He deleted that profile straight away when I asked about it but has since put himself back on there again under a different user name but is saying he wants only friends. He keeps saying that he at the moment does not have the same feelings I do for him. He has claimed that he feels I trapped him into the relationship with the unplanned pregnancy of our first born but yet he stayed for 24 years. I feel he is going through a mid life crisis as well especially after seeing how the young one he was renting off lived her life and maybe he thought he had missed out on something but he has always been able to drink, have time with friends, go away on his own and his hobbies, he has at times said I never contributed to the household financially but I have as the money we got from having the kids on a fortnightly basis paid for the groceries for the house and also bonus money paid for the house rates as well and I stayed home and looked after the children. I really feel we can and will work out problems but how do I get him to re fall in love with me and not listen to stupid little girls who have had no life experience like we have. When I talk to him I keep saying yes we can and gets cranky with me but I know we can do it he just has to realise it. Alot of people have said no walk away and take him for everything but I cannot and will not do that as I am in love with him more now than when I met him. He has only taken clothes that he needs for work to where he is living now otherwise everything is still here in the house where I am residing at the moment I would love to live in the same household again as him making it home where we can share our lives together.I am currently looking for a job which is hard here at the moment so that I can share the financial costs as well I have recently gone and started volunteering again to get out of the house more. Really hope he comes around very soon

Welcome to MB. It sounds like your husband is having an affair possibly affairs.

Notify the MODS to have your post moved to SAA.

Do you have any snooping techniques in place?

Also please read these.
Surviving an Affair-Start Here First

I'm sorry you have found yourself here under these sad circumstances.

Your husband is most likely having an affair and wants to be a player. He's not having a midlife crisis.

I suggest that you hit "notify" at the lower right of the posting box and ask that the moderators move your thread to Surviving an Affair. You will get lots of help there.

Meanwhile, have you read this? Start Here

Brianhurts - I have some snooping in place but because he lives with his sister in another town now it is hard as I am left in the family home with very little finances because of him deciding that he wanted the separation

Some ideas on how I could do some more snooping would be good

I would love to tap his phone but have no way of getting hold of it at moment to do so

Do you have any minor children in the home?

No both children are now over 18

Since he insists on carrying on his affair and has moved out, I think Dr. Harley would encourage you to enter Plan B.

Have you read about Plan B?

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

EDIT: I suggest you hit NOTIFY and ask the mods to move your thread to Surviving an Affair. Other more qualified posters can advise you on which plan you should take. However, get a copy of Surviving an Affair by Dr. Willard Harley ASAP

Can you look into hiring a PI?

Chookie, if you can, the PI would be the best way to find out exactly what your H is up to.

You need to find out what he's up to, then you should expose to his family and friends.

Meanwhile, make sure you eliminate all your love busters. Don't argue with your H, if he calls, or try and convince him to come home.

I agree that since he is not living in your home, it will be difficult to snoop. Hiring a PI would be the best bet.

If he moved out recently, it still may pay for you to have a look at past cell phone and credit card bills to see if anything sticks out at you.

Read the "Start Here" link that BrainHurts and LongWayFromHome posted for you, and then feel free to ask more questions.

Yes a PI would be good but however due to him leaving and not splitting any assets as yet I cannot afford a PI at all.

We only have prepaid mobile phones so I cannot look into the bills and we did not have any credit cards but he has already closed me out of the internet banking to his account that I had third party access too.

Have you had a chance to listen to the VAR yet? Were you able to put a GPS on his vehicle?

VAR ??? - how do I put a gps on his vehicle if he lives away from the house and how much would that cost me as I am limited for money these days

Here.
GPS Units
Voice Activated Recorder

I would not be able to afford them and also would not be able to get them anywhere close to him at the moment

Do you have any contact with him?

What does your son think of all this?

I do have some contact with him but only if I phone him. As he will not contact me he keeps saying to give him time and space so that he get his feelings back. Our son and daughter are pretty appalled at him with this whole situation.

He lost his job where he currently is living at the moment on Friday so it will be interesting now to see what happens as he told the daughter on the weekend that he would move back to where he was as an absolute last resort. So I spoke to the son too see if he knew about him loosing the job but he had not heard so the son said he can move back down there but in with him as he has a spare room at his house. IF H moves back in the son's x he will loose all 3 of us . I am still hoping we get the chance to turn the marriage around for the better. I feel we are worthwhile.

Just had a quote from a PI - $1200 a day plus a $300 once of payment there is absolutely no way I can afford that type of fee.

Call around, there has to be cheaper.