She is in a difficult position now where if she tries to bring her affair out in the open like she planned, she will indict herself as a liar. If you continue to be nice to her and reach out to her, it will give her second thoughts.

Are you saying she will have second thoughts and want to end the affair and return to the marriage??

Eventually people are going to ask her what she's going to do. She can't go to OM, she can't stay at a girlfriends forever (that's mainly to scare you), her plan to 'respectably' divorce is bust. It's going to become increasingly clear you can't be bullied into recanting exposure and playing nice with the plan to destroy you.

That's where you offer her an out. Come home and let's show everyone we're trying. Appeal to her sense of reputation. She may only come home to cake eat but it offers you a chance to Plan A.

Then once she's home write everything you were told about OM down. Put it in a big envelope and write 'Affair evidence' in red on the front and leave it where she can find it.

Hey she asked for the evidence!

My wife is trying to play psychological warfare with me. She took FB down and up the past few days, now its back up and she removed me as her from her status as married to me, but I'm still a friend.

I came home and she was here earlier my brother said getting stuff, well all her clothes are here still, she took her robe and pillow and small tolitries, but she took all are wedding pictures and any group family picture that were hanging on the walls and mantle even the ones with the kids and us. The pictures are gone. I checked the trash cans etc.. nothing MIA, anyone heard of such a thing?

I checked to see if her car was at OM not there unless in the garage, checked her mothers, grandmother and father, not there. I think she went to her GF, why would you take your pillow to OM house...Is it wrong that I don't feel to troubled by this???

indiegirl, thanks for the info. Lets see here, She really can't go to OM, apparently she is telling people OM is a friend, at least her Dad thinks this, he has told me this. Now if she comes back home, I'm the sociopath, crazy ontrolling man and what ever else she has told people, how can she come home to this, arent I causse of it all??? How is she going to explain I went back to that.. Just wondering..

My wife told me in yesterdays tantrum of screaming and yelling this exposure did make it to her work, some of her friends I sent it to, work with her.

this is exactly where you want her to be, she is stuck now with the perfect fantasy plan she had. She is going to have to come clean with one story and she will realize that admitting to the affair won't work because she has already lied to so many people about that. So she either puts herself out there as an adulterer or she admits that the marriage breakdown that she claims isn't what she said that you aren't the problem. She has no where to go and the reality of who she has chosen to be is hitting her square in the face. Sit back quietly be still and let it happen let reality do it's job now. The secret is out there to never be put underground again�..You so bravely took care of that. Both families will support you when they have time to realize you are fighting for her and your family it is all new you have to let the thought processing for everyone including your wife take place now.
Affairs aren't real, families are�.marriages are��.no matter how she spins the affair she is going to look badly, believe me there is all sort of conflict going on that the exposure has created and that is a very good thing, the affair couples warts and all will show through, they will be fighting and there won't be a thing she can do for him either without looking bad herself and leaving that legacy for herself���
Sit back, keep busy tackle some home projects exercise a little and let her fight it out in her own mind��
don't apologize just be calm and loving when you do speak to her, tell her you love her and will not stop fighting for her that you believe in her and your life that you understand she is lost right now, but the rest is up to her��..
Taking the photos is a great thing, if that is all she took it must be all that she is worried about losing�..good thing wife, she isn't putting them up at the OM's is she She is worried about losing her family.
You know what you are doing is right and you know she is lost and it will only take time before she sees it too��

I would keep cleaning the house so when she comes she sees it and sees you moving forward and not just sitting around depressed���if there are little things she would notice without any words when she comes to get things that is a good way to do some love deposits�laundry, maybe flowers on her dresser or kitchen table��I think you are doing great I know it's an awful feeling and it's so hard to be still but now is the time for that except for any love deposits you can make in a non threatening way��..
When she complains or yells just keep saying you understand she is upset and that you can be there for her when she chooses her marriage and family again�..
In the meantime you work on being a better husband and father and changing and learning how to make that a reality that the affair was an eye opener for both of you�..and hopefully a second chance�.

As far as I can tell only our wedding pictures and pictures that have all of us kids etc...Or is she destroying them? I looked in her closet znd most of her clothes are still ther. I did notice a ring her grandmother gave her is missing it was in her top drawer. Maybe she is going to pawn. She did threaten to get a PPO, thats a personal protection order or also known as a restraining order...

One thing I can tell you.. My wife has actually never came out in words to this date saying "I want a divorce" She has only ever said things like "I filed didn't I" she has never said I'm divorcing you etc... I just find that strange...

I just sit back her and things pop in my head that I realize now looking in.

One of our conversations a couple weeks back was about losing our family, she was crying and she said she is losing her family, I told her you don't have to, we can keep it together...
I do know my issues and the problems we were having, that is why when she filed I began to change, giving her more words of affirmation/gratitude, affection, making her and the family priority, helping with cleaning, making sure the little things were being done, which turn out to be the big things.

Did she file for divorce? Were you served?

The biggest thing was the affair. All of those other things were issues that could be overcome.

Yes she filed on 2/13/14, I was served, I have an attorney, we answered the complaint, I requested for reconcilliation, MI is a no fault state.. My attorney said she can stall for an extra 60 days or so..

I totaly agree with you mel, Now I know why she didn't want to work on the marriage, the affair was going on...

I think her antics about taking down the pictures was designed to get a reaction out of you. She is grappling to get this all back under control and it is not working. Her affair is in free fall. Can you imagine the crying and raging she is doing to the OM? He will get tired of it soon enough.

I would also step up the spy resources and get some surveillance on her car. A good GPS and perhaps a VAR would do well. And I suspect she has a secret affair phone. Have you looked around for that?

Mel, whats the deal taking the wedding and family pictures only??? I know she pulled me off her FB as Married to, but i'm still a friend...I was just wondering your take on this. You seem to know my wife...

You were right when you said it was psychological warfare. She is trying to punish you and break you down. I suspect she thinks it will shake you up and put you back in her control. It just means her affair Titanic is sinking..

Do you have the kind of relationship with her XH that you could call him or write him and tell him what is going on? It would be nice if he could tell the son.

My wife just text me this,

"sister tried calling me yesterday and your Dad emailed me. I'm notsure what sister wanted, but after the way you have completely humiliated me and embellished things in every sense of the word... I probably don't want to know. Your Father sent me a very sweet email and I appreciate it. You have ruined any chance of me ever having a relationship with your family. You have drug me through the mud and run me down just as you said you would never do. you have turned this seperation/divorce into being completely my fault and trued to make yourself a saint. It makes me wonder if this is your history. I cannot forgive for what you have done. I am asking you to leave me and my family be. You have caused enough pain in my life. I regret the day I ever met you. I guess my purpose for you was to put you in a better place and yours to destroy me".

How do I respond to this text???

I am working on a response. hang tight!

I looked for other cellphone. Her cell use to be under my contract until she got the new one with her mother, She might of already disposed of it, since she has new bill under her mothers. I checked the cell records, she had called him from her old phone about 4times to is office, which is a pharmacy. 16 min calls each during her lunch break on like 2/4/14, she filed 2/13/14. Her new phone has a lock on it and she guards it. I'm sure she could of been calling him from her office phone, she called me all the time from it..

I haven't said a thing about the pictures or FB.

"Dear Sally, your affair has caused me incredible pain and suffering. I am asking that you end your affair with OM. Even if our marriage does not work out, there is no excuse to have an affair. I am not asking for your forgiveness, but for you to end your affair. All my love, XX"