Dear friends,<P>I went out on a limb and invited H to Thanksgiving, but he already has plans. OW I am sure - I didn't ask.<P>Here is how it happened. I am doing PlanAPlanB for almost 2 weeks. Avoiding H who doesn't live here, but is still using the house as his primary office (he does field management).<P>H popped over yesterday morning with his male buddy he is living with n (1st time to see him in almost 2 weeks). I was in the shower and surprised to find them here when I got out. They stayed about an hour - had coffee and we all just chit-chatted. When they left, H goes in other room and then runs back into the kitchen and grabs and kisses me and holds me like he will never let go - kisses me two more times. Then he says I sure smell good (he likes my perfume!) and I said you sure feel good. H leaves. I get a bit excited because I start thinking there are some embers left.<P>Today, H pops in at 1:00p. I had a Phil Collins CD blaring and the song was remake of "You Can't Hurry Love" (how appropriate!!!). Right before H walks in, my daughter and 2 grandkids came in. I grabbed the baby and we were dancing and singing and laughing. H walked in to this scene. He stands there grinning and laughing and then grabs gradndaughter and sings and dances with her. He looked happy to see us all.<P>H visited a bit. I offered lunch and he ate. We sat on the deck and he smoked a cigar and we chit-chatted. He was here about an hour. Then he got up to leave to go motorcycle riding - to meet his guy friends. Motorcycle is stored here. It blew a gasket in the driveway and he couldn't ride after all and then he left to go back to where he lives.<P>We talked by phone later and I said I hate to risk this, but do you have plans for Thanksgiving? H says Yes and I said goodbye and hung up.<P>Why did I take a tiny glimmer and turn it into false hope?? I know he is actively involved with the OW. Although she lives in FL, he has been spending alot of time there. They are going on a trip to Michigan this week together. Why do I keep on trying????<P>I already told 2 of the kids he won't be here for Thanksgivng and they are of course extremely disappointed. Me too. I just keep setting myself up for getting slapped down. I think I am my own worst enemy here.<P>To all my friends who are having so much trouble getting back in sync with your spouse who is still home, I really ENVY you all SOOOOOO much! And, I am just really sorta sad right now. <P>But, I am going to give my kids a good Thanksgiving nonetheless. It is my favorite holiday, because this holiday revolves around thinking about all the things in life we have to be thankful for. My life is rich in every other respect except this relationship with my H. I need to focus more on what I do have - the many blessings and wonderful people that I am fortunate to have in my life.<P>Well, I am just a long-winded kinda person. I am really sad tonight...Hope they cancel Christmas....<P>Roll Me Away

Roll Me Away, I'm jealous of you. You get to see your H. I haven't seen mine in three months. I canceled Thanksgiving can handle the faimily thing. My parents are moving to my sister's. She didn't want to do Turkey day 'cause it is Xes turn to have the kids, so we are moving that week. One way to take care of things. But I can't get out of Christmas 'cause I live with my daughter and we couldn't disappoint the kids.<P>I still think you are making progress. Remember sometimes it is one step forward and two backward and it is always baby steps. Just don't let it get you down easier said then done I know. Hang in there.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

di,<P>I guess I should be grateful I saw him 2 days in a row. Quite unexpectedly, too, since we are avoiding each other. It was nice - as friends and NOTHING personal at all was discussed. <P>Thanks for taking the time to read my really ong post,<P>Roll Me Away

Sometimes we just have to get it all out. I know and this is a good place to do it. There is always some type of support here and that helps. I think you are really going forward two not one and back only one. I think there is some improvement. Keep hanging in there.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

RMA - wish he didn't already have plans for Thanksgiving....but that other stuff didn't sound too bad to me at all.<P>Can't blame you for a little hope. Maybe there really IS a glimmer.....<P><BR>Hang in there, ok?<P>Lori

Lori,<P>Crazy in love with him as I am, how can I NOT have hope - even against the odds!?!?<P>di, Thanks!<P>Roll Me Away

That hope keeps me going against all odds. Even when I want to give up. See both my post for today. What would we do without hope!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>di<P>