Hello, all.

I have a situation arising that I could use some 'veteran' direction with.

Signed up our S for little league baseball, and just got his spring season schedule.

2 of his games are located at ballfields at a high school that is located at the end of the street that the POSOM lives on.

1. I Haven't told W about the schedule/game location yet.

2. I Haven't told S about his schedule/game location yet (and he is unaware that this is POSOM's street).


What is my plan of action to proceed here?

Thank you.

To avoid all triggers and places where OM will be.

Did you guys move?

Nope.

3 more years.

Told W about the games; will be explaining to S why he won't be playing those 2 games.

Move

Move.

Also can someone else take son to game and you and wife just not go?

That's not a solution right now. But I know it IS the solution.

1 going to college in fall, other in 3 years.

Then

Why can't you move, helpfordad?

Possibly. Its in May.

Not a bad idea. Temporary, I know.

Yes, it is a solution. It is a standard solution Dr. Harley advises to Survive an Affair.
Harley places the marriage first....children needs second

Really 2 reasons, Mel.

First, we'd take a bath with the sale, and we need equity to help with college.

More importantly, mom just diagnosed with dementia/ alz and we're being depended upon for elder care for mom and dad now...

Fine...its a solution that we're choosing not to utilize right now.

Brainstorming other solutions...

Things have been good...hate these bumps in the road.

Too long. We moved out of state 1 year into recovery and it was the best.thing.we.did.

Then 3 years later we moved out of the country for 2 years. Second best thing we did.

We are in the process of moving back Stateside again. We will never move back to Affairland. Ever, ever, ever. Due to medical reasons I have been back in Affairland for 8 weeks recovering from major surgery and it's triggering me. I had forgotten how bad I trigger when I am here. It's no fun.

We have 4 kids, the oldest is now almost 18 and the youngest is 10 and they have done fantastic through all of these moves. Kids are incredibly resilient and would much rather move than have their parents D or be in constant turmoil due to triggers.

Don't underestimate what moving will do for your M and your recovery. I am not saying moving is easy; I am saying it's necessary for the type of R you desire.

Oh, Gosh...we talk about it all the time.

We're both so ready for it. This recent medical issue makes it tough to move away.

And I know its not the 'accepted' answer, but I think we're staying until youngest completes Hus high school.
That's why I was brainstorming a solution to thus minor ballgame item that did not involve moving, which is THE solution that we just can't pull the trigger on yet.

Well, if you want a solution to *this* situation, it will be just that ~ *this* situation. And you will continue putting out these constant fires because you won't pull the trigger and get the heck out of Dodge. So prepare yourself for what to do *next* time a situation like this arises.

So yes ~ either your son does not play in these games, or he rides to and from the game with someone else and you and your W do not attend. Either way you are going to trigger that day because you will know exactly why you and your W are not at his game. Not the best situation.

MF,

Yes, I know...

Things have been really good for awhile now, and this is really the first 'fire' to put out.

W has stated -- and I agree -- that simply "everything about this place around here" is or can be a possible triggers...and getting out is THE major solution.

It's having an idea how to have a plan for these minor issues that I'm trying to balance...

Your post is right on -- even the 'solution' is a reminder why we need a 'solution' for the event...

I say alll this assuming the POS still lives there; I don't keep tabs on it anymore. The location is still a trigger, however, just like any 'old' place associated with that time will be.

We've been wrapping up college visits this spring...getting out of town, or out of state, just feels like we can breathe. I don't feel like I'm looking over my shoulder.

Just so exhausted always feeling 'on guard' because of this.

Will handle this flare up the best we can, and continue planning for the big move...some day soon, I hope.

There will always be reasons not to move. After these two are resolved, there will be new ones. It really comes down to putting your marriage first. Can you do that?

I guess our actions are saying 'no'.

The only reasons not to move right now are child in high school and care for ailing parents.

There are no other reasons. The first one will be resolved in 3 years. The other...who knows?

Looks like we need to be ready to deal with minor flare-ups until a major move.

Just have to learn to deal with it, but it gets tiresome...why can't the POS's life be turned upside down? why can't HE move, or worse???

Sorry, just venting my frustration...

Make it a great day!

I don't see how you're going to make it 3 years. We've all seen marriages thrown back on the rocks because of accidental contact and you live in trigger city. Can't your younger child do the last few years of school somewhere else? In the UK most people go to a different school or college when they turn 16 as standard. Why not?

As for the dementia thing it's tough, but surely you're no good to them drowning. Couldn't you do a whole family move?

Indie,

I don't want to seem all doom and gloom.

W is graduating from grad school in May, dughter leaves for college in Fall, son in high school.

Things have been going ok for us, not perfect, but moving forward. Haven't had any 'issues' come along, until this baseball thing. Feels like swatting at a gnat, you know?

The bigger picture is definitely a move -- but that has to be POJAd as well. And if HFM doesn't want to move 8 hours away from her elderly parents, now 1 with full onset dementia, but I do...it may be difficuly to negotiate that. Even though it IS HFM's desire to move away from here...even more than me, actually (is that abnormal for the FWS to want that more than the BS?).

Anyway, just need to find A solution -- not always the best solution -- to this issue. I think many have suggested one that could work...knowing that THE solution is getting out of Dodge all together.