Perfect.



"I forsee a future where we have nothing to do with him ever again"

"As a couple, we need to exclude this adulterer from our lives"

"I don't want an adulterer to befriend my wife"

"I would like to make sure he never makes trouble for us again"

"Yes I do feel harrassed by the way he attacks my marriage."



Really? Is she taking money on that cause I would like some of that action?

Another really good trick is to say nothing at all when it is your 'cue' to react. Then when they impatiently go: "Well!!??" You say: "Oh nothing honey, I am just listening to you. I really care about how you feel. You go right ahead and talk." (If on the phone you can have a good book to hand so you don't actually have to listen). Then after they've spewed more fire say: "I guess the affair is very embarrassing for you and that must hurt. I am here for you." That drives them bonkers.

When she told me about him being her friend, I said you're having an affair, She said you don't know. I said yes I do.

I really love how you told the OM you have hard evidence yesterday.

Great stuff Indie

Me too.

Even if there wasn't an ongoing affair, he's got form as an adulterer from his marriage.

He shouldn't be allowed near any married woman.

Indie she got a hold of my ex the serial cheater and is saying I tried the same principals to her. I think 9 yrs ago I may have looked into this website to try and save R with Ex, but I never gave an effort, Maybe the EX is jealous. My ex has treated me as if I was the one who cheated and it was her with last count of 9 different fellow police officer. She still is angry at me for what ever reason. I was never violent during that break up, but I was crazy that I found out about her cheating.

The minister was contacted.

Great job on exposure and keeping your cool during difficult conversations. That is not easy to do.

Hopefully you have delivered some fatal blows to the A and helped speed up it's death. Exposure is all about speeding up the demise of the A. I would not expect it to end today but more that over the next few weeks/months it most likely will die.

Can you wait it out?

If it were me, I would let things cool off and really think about myself and WHY she had the A. Really focus on her reasons for why she did this and how to map out/create a different scenario in your M IF she decides to consider it in a way that you both win.

Now, what is your plan now to win her heart back? What can you do to allow her to see you differently and as her best option?

You know that her LB is closed to you. How do you plan to lay the groundwork for her to even consider being married to you as an option?

Even if she is the one being crazy right now, she sees YOU as the crazy one. Twisted, yes. But she still sees it this way through her eyes. You have to change this perception.

That is the million dollar question.

I have made huge 360,stopped drinking completely, I'm gettng on the day shift, I haved stop being a cop at home, more of I don't care attitude, I was giving her all kinds of attention, putting her kids as a priority. I was doing house work laundry etc..

On the phone today she mentioned those changes and she again said that was working and attractive, This exposing and me acting crazy is not attractive and ruined it for any chance..Foggbabble

Translation: she would find it so much more attractive if you didn't interfere with her affair. click here

Thats why I'm here for some help, a Plan that we can come up with.

Nice Fog Horn

That is great! Good for you.

I encourage you to keep looking for internal improvement. This effort is critical right now. You must identify the reasons your M broke down and create a lifestyle that won't allow it to happen again.

When I was were you are, my FWW told me that she was very hesitant to accept the changes I was showing. She thought that I was only showing changes to win her back because I am competitive. She was not confident that the changes in me were real and long-lasting. It took a very long time for her to see me as changed and that I was indeed serious about creating a great M.

Patience is the key for you right now if you are going to have a chance at this. It took a long time for her to fall out of love with you..now that she is in love with someone else, those feeling have to die and it will take a long time for her to fall back in love with you.

Being in Love is not a requirement to enter R. However, it is very difficult for most to enter R when they are not in love with that person.

Your best shot at this is to start today trying to get her to have feelings for you again by continuing to avoid LB's and change the negatives about yourself into positives.

She will not come back to you if she thinks the future will be the same as the past.

So coming up with a plan. I don't really know how to come up with a plan whn she isn't in the house anymore. I Would need one if she is in the house.

I know I'm not going to call or text her, I'm sure somwhere down the road I will, especially if she doesnt come back, or I just go into plan B

The more time you can spend with her without any relationship talk AT ALL and having FUN is Crucial.

Try to date her if you can. I would wait about a week without any more fireworks and then try to get her out for a date.

Getting her to associate good feelings for you is what you want to achieve.

You have come so far. Don't drop the ball now. Expose is just 1 step. All this does is put pressure on the A to stop and speed up it's death. That's all.

This next step is CRITICAL friend.

After D-day, I kicked my FWW out of the house. I dated her while she lived in an apartment and got her to fall back in love with me.

You have to be super cool right now. Really watch what you say and do.

WD, your plan is Plan A and you have been doing a super job. The goal is to make sure she understands you are willing to meet her needs and eliminate/address the problems in the marriage in the future IF SHE ENDS HER AFFAIR. That is your plan and that is what you have been doing. You stopped drinking, changed your shifts and have showed her you are willing to meet her needs. *THAT* is your plan and your mission right now is to just stick to that plan.

My wife had told me thesame thing, she see's the changes and has told me herself that, I will go back to the way I was before. I havent yet, The big one I think was the drinking and secondly the relationship with step son. We had a huge blow up about 1 1/2 yrs ago about SS while I was drunk and I had said an awful thing to him. I apologized that night to him and wife. I promised an outburst fight like that would never happen again and it hasn't happened again.

Through all this, I haven't even wanted a drink. I have really been helping with SS, I love him and he does have respect for me, he does what I ask. I noticed lately since I've been home during the evenings he seems cold to me but then warms up, It might be the way I have been treating him, paying him attention, pouring him coffee in the morning, just little things.

WD, you have done a super Plan A and just need to keep doing those very things. THAT is the plan. I also predict she will be back soon enough. Exposure has her affair in a freefall, so as it crumbles, she will draw back to you.

I agree!!!