I would reply with this : "I am willing to work with you to create a loving marriage where both of our needs are met but you must first end your affair"

Thanks JK, now done.

One question should I be reposing my WS because the affair is continuing?

Since you already exposed, there shouldn't be a need for further exposure. If you properly exposed, then the affair has been brought into the light of day.

abccba,

But did you expose the OM / builder professionally? And did you expose him to whatever family he has?

God Bless
Gamma

Hi Ithanks or the question. exposed to his current client and all his work colleagues. Also to his sons. One person I still haven't managed to track down is his ex gf, who I think would be really useful to find, problem is i don't know how to find her.

Did you run a background check on the OM? Sometimes they will link a person they've lived with. OM and his XGF were together for 14 years there has to be a record of her.

I'm not sure that we have "background checks" freely available here in the UK, but if you can find last year or an older year's online electoral register for the constituency where he lives, her name will be on it.

Hi Sugarcane, great idea will have a look. Thankyou

Have checked the electoral register, his ex gf doesn't seem to have lived with him, so that's going to make it hard for me to track down. Any other ideas? Thanks

You need to find out her name. Once you get that you will find out a lot via the Internet. With a name, you might find her on her workplace website and be able to send her an email. You have to think of ways of getting her name. Can you FB message OM's grown-up sons?

I have asked you about being on the radio show, but I don't seem to have a reply on this. I really want to listen to your show because I have been advising on this thread and I need to know what Dr H says about men in relatively short marriages with no kids going to Plan B. If I've been advising wrongly, I really need to know.

Hi, sorry the delay. Joyce Harley has said it should be discussed on Monday.

Thanks for the other advice will see what I can do. If I do unearth other exposure targets should I carry on exposing? For example I think I have found the OM's mother via the electoral register.

Yes, you should continue if you find a key target like his mother. Remember not just to say "he's having an affair with my wife" but to ask for her help in putting pressure on OM to end the affair. Tell her that you want to resort your marriage. You are appealing to her good will and sense of decency.

Was your email read out on Monday? What was the advice? I have been trying to listen to the rebroadcasts but I keep getting different segments that do not seem to be yours.

That's what I have noted also.

Radio Clip of abccba's question

Hi, it was answered on Tuesday, the advice was that I would need to ask her to move back in and for me to leave if the affair continued.

I think he also mentioned plan B but will need to listen again as only caught part of the program

I still haven't managed to track down the show, so I'd appreciate a bit more information. Did he tell you to ask her to move back in because you should not have asked her to leave so soon? What were his reasons for saying that? What should you have done instead? And why would you leave, instead of her, if the affair continued? How long should you try and hang on if the affair continues?

Hi, I need to listen again myself but my understanding is that by asking her to leave she will have viewed that as a punishment therefore a big love buster. By me leaving it would have conveyed that I was not willing to tolerate an affair but was not punishing her if that makes sense. They suggested I should say I made a mistake and ask her to move in but didn't sound hopeful for my chances.

Things have moved on since I sent the message to them anyway, I have now also moved out of where we were staying as it was only temporary accommodation to get away from the OM. I had the dog but have given it back to her as it was always my WS that wanted one. She txt me to thank me but the txt was very final wishing me all the best for the future. Not heard from her since that was over a week ago. To be honest don't think I have a chance at reconciliation especially as she is still seeing the OM.

Here is Tuesday's show. Is your segment on here?
Radio Clip of abccba's question

Email your update to Dr. Harley and ask if you should try to Plan A or enter Plan B, waiting for her affair to die.