lol thank you, I do appreciate your words of advice. I just might do that. There is a lady at work that he shared our "situation" with. Seems she may have been some sort of support to him. I will let you know if I uncover anything.

[/quote=WalkinOnSunshine]Thanks, I will definitely keep my eyes peeled. He is the kind of man that if he felt he was attracted to someone else to the point that he wanted to physically be with them, he would end the marriage before that happened. [/quote]

There isn't any such type of person.

People with good boundaries avoid developing ANY such attraction. They don't develop any emotional closeness with members of the opposite sex. At all. Ever.

People with bad boundaries assume they have self control. They flirt, they have close friendships with members of the opposite sex. They assume being in love for their spouse/ the friends relative lack of appeal/ their own plan to 'end the marriage' before doing anything will apply.

The person you describe is the person likeliest to have an A.

That is the perfect example of the direct route to an affair.

Neither would anybody sane. If this were all, he'd be willing to listen to a plan to do things differently.

We've heard this woe is me speech before. Almost word for word.

If you were to hire a PI he'd get the goods in days.

People not having an A say: " honey I'd like more x, y and z as otherwise I'm considering separation"

People having an A say: "There's nothing you can do! It's hopeless! You made me miserable for either very vague reasons or very old reasons! Yes I know you can't change the past!"

Men don't leave a warm bed for a cold one.

Yeah they need an explanation for why it is so 'sudden'. Otherwise a reasonable person would ask why they didn't speak up before it was too late.

When I got the 'woe is me' speech it was his friends death that brought about the sudden realisation. It's funny how they use the same lines.

He didn't mention that he was in love with, and sleeping with, my friend the widow.

They were both moral people who never dreamt of having an affair before it happened to them. Just got too close while grieving and turned into monsters. Men and women who support each other, like your H and his colleague are playing with fire.

Thank you IndieGirl for weighing in. I really appreciate it. I must be really naive and blind, because it is just so hard for me to imagine. Shame on me.

Thank you so much. I wonder if a PI would take cash? How much do they cost? Are they expensive? Right now I have been tracking his location through the cell phone finder app. He goes home and to Home Depot, grocery store, Walmart to find things for his new rental house. Work is secure, so their is no access for a PI there. I really think he might be having an emotional affair, about to turn physical.

Here you go.

Private Investigators

Thank you!

Just checked the call log and apparently he started making and receiving calls from his coworker the day he moved out. They've probably had their eye on each other for awhile now, and she was probably the inspiration behind his moving out and on. I'm certain it was just an emotional affair, but still just as damaging to our marriage. Why would he want to work on our marriage if he was infatuated with someone else. Now he can act on his feelings. His father dying was just the right thing to "put his life in perspective" and see things "clearly".

He's obviously decided I am not the right one for him.

Where do I go from here? I already confronted him today and then just walked away. He denied, but one look at his face was all I needed. I am feeling disgusted, betrayed, angry, sick. I had no idea this man was capable of hurting me this way or our marriage. I just want to be far away from him. Kind of hard with two little ones. I don't see how there is any hope for this marriage when he wants a divorce and he has moved out.

I also feel calm, relieved, sad, hurt, numb. I feel like the past few weeks I have been floating in limbo, with a huge question mark over my head. Now I feel grounded...finally.

He will keep denying it and saying they are only friends. Even if he did admit to something going on now, there is no proof there was anything prior to the date he moved out. He wouldn't have had time to talk to her other than at work.

I don't think I will ever trust a man again. We had a completely transparent marriage. I guess there is no transparency to the human heart!! I still can't believe this is happening. Now that I know he has given his heart to someone else, I just feel like throwing in the towel.

I can see the future...He will continue to make me feel like his leaving was because of the way I treated him and had nothing to do with the fact that he has now developed a closer friendship with his coworker, now that he has moved out. I am made to look like the bad guy; I am the one who destroyed the marriage, and everything is my fault.

What can I be prepared for over the next few days now that the cats out of the bag? Should I try to avoid all contact at all costs?

Is this OW married?

Please read this and get ready to expose.
SAA-Start Here First

Well with the MB plan you only remain in contact with him for a few short weeks. In that time, you gather your evidence, expose the affair partners and show him what a cool calm rock star you are who always looks her best.

This plan will do two things a) break up the affair (even if you don't recover you don't want his woman installed as a permanent stepmother) and b) heals you.

When you have done Plan A and Plan B the A will most likely end the ball will be entirely in your court and you can make any decision (recovery/not recovery) you like. You will unlikely be able to make this decision until you have done eveything and seen the fall out.

After exposure 95pc of affairs end within two years (often months, sometimes days) and the WS crawls home on his knees.

This may seem like a distant possibility to you right now but it is what usually happens. There are many recovered couples on this site who have experienced everthing you describe - right down to stubborn denial and his wanting out.

Or you may do what I did and choose Plan B as a route to divorce. I am most happy and can recommend it.

However I would urge you to expose and do a short Plan A for a few weeks first of all. Kill the affair and the evil stepmother

I will need to do this all very quickly. Does anyone have the link to the sample plan A letters? I saw them on here recently, but can't find them now. People were actually posting letters they had written. Work is out of the question, but can target family/friends. Have no clue who her boyfriend is, and won't be able to find out at this point, but I will send her a letter as well.

I found it, thanks

Did you read the Exposure 101 thread?

Why can't you expose to work?

Did you check Facebook for her boyfriend? He is a main target for exposure. You need to contact him.

First off, you don't need "proof" to know the truth and this comment above frustrates me enormously because it tells me you are still in denial. The affair has been taking place AT WORK just like most affairs. So when you say "other than at work" it makes utterly no sense. You can put 2 and 2 together and safely conclude that the affair began at work and your husband is leaving you for his affair just as we have told you all along.


It does not matter WHEN the affair started. An affair is an affair. Moving out does not justify adultery. The facts are that he has left you because he has been having an affair with this woman. Yu don't need the admission of a liar to know that. His admission of an affair NOW is all you need.

Instead of wasting MORE time denying the truth, can we please accept the situation as it is and move on with next steps?

I am concerned that you are not thinking clearly or strategically. Before you expose, you should gather contact information, that includes the OW's boyfriend. Does the OW have a facebook page?

I am concerned that you will ruin your exposure by giving a watered down narration of the facts, which will only negate the impact of your exposure. It is real important that you give a truthful narration of his affair, rather than his SPUN version of events.

Here is how he will present his situation:

WH: "WOS has made me miserable in our marriage for years and I have finally made the decision to get out. We have officially separated. In the meantime, my coworker, skankyhoe, has been supporting me through this traumatic ordeal. WOS is insanely jealous and is trying to disrupt my friendship."

TRUTH: he began a workplace affair with skankyhoe and abandoned his wife and kids to pursue his affair. In order to justify his abhorrent behavior, he has exaggerated and manufactured grievances in the marriage.

Your job is to get the truth out there so you can garner support for your marriage. If you simply pimp his fogged out SPUN version, people are not going to help you.

WoS, I'd urge you to follow the steps for exposure as directly outlined in Melody Lane's signature. You need to expose to her side or else it won't work. Get a PI if you have to but finding someone's boyfriend usually isn't difficult.

Workplace exposure is crucial - that's where the A is taking place! They are stealing company time and resources to further an affair and that's a lot of time! Don't fool yourself this a half-hour chat at lunch. It's likely physical.

You either expose to the workplace or get ready to invite OW to your children's weddings in the future.

Don't quibble about when it started. Either with others, with WH or with yourself. You know when it started.

Simply expose it in your messages to targets referring to it as an affair and say it is breaking up your marriage. Let them defend it. This approach works.

You'll be amazed at how many people will actually come back and tell you they knew and how many blanks they can fill in for you!

WoS we've known workplace affairs where highly respected teachers had sex in the classroom. Or were business people charged hotel rooms to work credit cards. Or sexting on workplace computers and phones. By no means are these examples unusual. That's how seriously you need to take workplace exposure!