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Joined: Nov 2010
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Email your update to Dr. Harley and ask if you should try to Plan A or enter Plan B, waiting for her affair to die. Did you listen to his clip Jedi?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
Hi, I need to listen again myself but my understanding is that by asking her to leave she will have viewed that as a punishment therefore a big love buster. By me leaving it would have conveyed that I was not willing to tolerate an affair but was not punishing her if that makes sense. They suggested I should say I made a mistake and ask her to move in but didn't sound hopeful for my chances.
Things have moved on since I sent the message to them anyway, I have now also moved out of where we were staying as it was only temporary accommodation to get away from the OM. I had the dog but have given it back to her as it was always my WS that wanted one. She txt me to thank me but the txt was very final wishing me all the best for the future. Not heard from her since that was over a week ago. To be honest don't think I have a chance at reconciliation especially as she is still seeing the OM. Did you tell her, that you are willing to work on the reasons that she had for having an affair like Dr. Harley advised?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 118
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Posts: 118 |
Hi, yes have emailed dr Harley with the update.
Did txt her before I got the reply from dr Harley but she is ignoring my texts. I sent her another text about the dog and she ignored that. I think I need to let her cool off, as I still think she is furious about the exposure (I updated her mum last Friday, which is why she is ignoring me).
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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She is mad about exposure because the affair is in Damage Control mode. Did you post the OM on www.cheaterville.com? The more public exposure against him and the affair the greater the fallout of the affair.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
Hi, yes have emailed dr Harley with the update.
Did txt her before I got the reply from dr Harley but she is ignoring my texts. I sent her another text about the dog and she ignored that. I think I need to let her cool off, as I still think she is furious about the exposure (I updated her mum last Friday, which is why she is ignoring me). Did you say in the text or to her directly that you're willing to work on the reasons that's she had the affair?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 118
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No at that time I said I was willing to work with her to create a loving marriage and meet both our needs but that she also had to end her affair. So not quite what dr Harley suggested, she ignored the txt.
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Joined: Feb 2014
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Haven't posted him on cheaterville, is my WS not going to think I am being vindictive and that be another love buster, especially when we are not seeing each other so I can't plan A?
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Haven't posted him on cheaterville, is my WS not going to think I am being vindictive and that be another love buster, especially when we are not seeing each other so I can't plan A? Exposure should have been the first thing done; It does anger the wayard spouse but it accelerates the death of the affair.
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
No at that time I said I was willing to work with her to create a loving marriage and meet both our needs but that she also had to end her affair. So not quite what dr Harley suggested, she ignored the txt. This is basically what Dr. harley suggested: a willingness to correct the mistakes of the past behavior.
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Joined: Feb 2014
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I did expose him but just not on cheaterville. Also I am still trying to identify his ex, may be able to find out off someone I am meeting tomorrow.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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I did expose him but just not on cheaterville. Also I am still trying to identify his ex, may be able to find out off someone I am meeting tomorrow. Fantastic, let us know abc if you find her. I believe she will be a huge help.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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