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I don't know where to begin. We've been married for 13 years and have 2 kids. My obsession with online porn started about 6-7 years into our marriage. It started off with just secretly masturbating to porn. Then moved on to dating sites that had live cams. Then went on to escort sites. I was nearly enticed into meeting one but I flaked out at the last minute. Couldn't go through with it.
I was a virgin before I got married and have only ever been with my wife.
I have not met anyone in person who I interacted with on chat nor did I form any relationship with any of them.
I would get my kicks from doing this. I enjoyed it. I'd look for people with crazy fantasies and fuel my obsession.
During this whole time I hardly had sexwith my own wife who was in front of me in the flesh.
My wife recently decided to check my browsing history on the computer and found the various sites I've been on including the escorting one.
Needless to say she is rightfully pissed at me and wants to end our marriage.

Over the last 6 months, I realized too little too late, that I've been neglecting her and started to make ammends. But unfortunately my surfing habits had reduced drastically but not completely died.

Now she's convinced that I've actually slept with escorts. I can't prove to her otherwise.
I've handed over all my emails and info to her.. And my phone and asked her to randomly check them whenever she wants to.
I truly want to save my marriage. From my description above it may sound like I don't love her, but I can't bare the thought of being away from her. I truly do love her but I don't know what to do. Please help.

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Offer to take a polygraph.
Get tested for STD/I and give her the results.
Don't have any access to the internet without full knowledge and eyes from your wife.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Please read and listen to the clips.
What is Just Compensation?

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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From Surviving an Affair, pg 66-67

The extraordinary precautions do more than end marriage-threatening affairs; they help a couple form the kind of relationship they always wanted.

These recommendations may seem rigid, unnecessarily confining, and even paranoid to those who have not been the victim of infidelity. But people like Sue and Jon, who have suffered unimaginable pain as a result of an affair that spun out of control, can easily see their value. For the inconvenience of following my advice, Sue would have spared herself and Jon the very worst experience of their lives.


Checklist for How Affairs Should End

_____The unfaithful spouse should reveal information about the affair to the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should make a commitment to the betrayed spouse to never see or talk to the lover OP again.

_____The unfaithful spouse should write a letter to the lover OP ending the relationship and send it with the approval of the betrayed spouse.

_____The unfaithful spouse should take extraordinary precautions to guarantee total separation from the lover OP:

_____Block potential communication with the lover OP (change e-mail address and home and cell phone numbers, and close all social networking accounts; have voice messages and mail monitored by the betrayed spouse).

_____Account for time (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a twenty-four-hour daily schedule with locations and telephone numbers).

_____Account for money (betrayed spouse and wayward spouse give each other a complete account of all money spent).

_____Spend leisure time together.

_____Change jobs and relocate if necessary.

_____Avoid overnight separation.

_____Allow technical accountability.

_____ Expose affair to family members, clergy, and/or friends.

Here SAA Revised Edition-Extraordinary Precautions


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Also, will your BW come here and post?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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I can go for an STD test. That is not a problem. I'll follow your advice and get tested and give her the results. That however doesn't prove to her that I did not see anyone.

I work remotely and my entire job and work is based online. I've promised her I won't delete anything on my browsing history nor will I hide anything or delete anything. I can even install a tamper free keyloggers for her so she can track my every keyboard stroke.

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Thank you for the link. I'll go through that now.

No I don't have that book. I'll get it.

Thanks again for your help.

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Yes I believe she will. I'll let her know to come to this thread?

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Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
Yes I believe she will. I'll let her know to come to this thread?
Have her start her own thread.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
I can go for an STD test. That is not a problem. I'll follow your advice and get tested and give her the results. That however doesn't prove to her that I did not see anyone.

I work remotely and my entire job and work is based online. I've promised her I won't delete anything on my browsing history nor will I hide anything or delete anything. I can even install a tamper free keyloggers for her so she can track my every keyboard stroke.
That's why I recommend you offer to take a polygraph. I would recommend this to her, if she was here, to have you take a polygraph.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
I can go for an STD test. That is not a problem. I'll follow your advice and get tested and give her the results. That however doesn't prove to her that I did not see anyone.

I work remotely and my entire job and work is based online. I've promised her I won't delete anything on my browsing history nor will I hide anything or delete anything. I can even install a tamper free keyloggers for her so she can track my every keyboard stroke.
You may have to find another line of work. A job that compliments your marriage and a job she feels safe with.

Dr. Harley says you must change all conditions that allowed your affair. We've had posters who've had to give up the internet or be with their spouses 24 hours a day. Whatever conditions allowed the affair must be changed.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Thanks that's a great idea.

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Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
Thanks that's a great idea.
Has she said what she needs? Is she sill shell shocked?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
Yes I believe she will. I'll let her know to come to this thread?
Have her start her own thread.
I'll ask her to start her own. Thanks

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Originally Posted by BrainHurts
Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
Thanks that's a great idea.
Has she said what she needs? Is she sill shell shocked?
I've given her access to everything. And yes she is still shell shocked. I can't blame her for it. As my nickname implies, I really screwed up.
And I'll suggest the polygraph to her.

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Please be aware that, even if you did not have sex with any of these individuals, what you had was a long series of emotional affairs. You gave (or attempted to give) your emotional needs to other women to satisfy instead of your wife. That is an "emotional affair" (EA). Did you know that EA's hurt the BS as much as PA's? You still may not understand how hurt she is. Psychologists say that the pain that a BS feels is on a similar scale to the pain of losing a child. Just so you know.

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I see that your BS has a thread. Please note not to post on each other's threads.

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If you have a tablet or a kindle you can download SAA from Amazon and start reading tonight.


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Originally Posted by imessedupbigtime
I work remotely and my entire job and work is based online. I've promised her I won't delete anything on my browsing history nor will I hide anything or delete anything. I can even install a tamper free keyloggers for her so she can track my every keyboard stroke.

Clarification needed here. This could mean two things. Does this mean you work full time out of the house? I can't even go to the bathroom without my kids knocking on the door or wandering around the house saying "where's dad?"

Or do you mean you work remotely away from your home and spouse? How much of your time is not together then?

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Originally Posted by ImStaying
I see that your BS has a thread. Please note not to post on each other's threads.

I read it. I won't post on it. Thanks.

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