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I really think I confuse her, because she tries to get me going and I don't budge. I really think she has been trying to get me to call her a who're or some other name?which I don't think of her like that. I think she is having some sort of break down. When she was talking to me in the garage she kept holding back From crying. I don't think she is plotting right now. I did leave her wondering about my job.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I really think I confuse her, because she tries to get me going and I don't budge. I really think she has been trying to get me to call her a who're or some other name?which I don't think of her like that. I think she is having some sort of break down. When she was talking to me in the garage she kept holding back From crying. I don't think she is plotting right now. I did leave her wondering about my job. Just watch your back. She is very unstable and I suspect the affair is in a free fall. She just scares me to death.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes, she is acting emotionally and not rationally. Be very careful in your interactions with her. Use the VAR and protect yourself.
Were you able to speak with an attorney today?
AM
BW - 70
WH - 65
M - 35 years
D-day - 17 Apr 08
H broke contact 11/1/09
Back in love after the worst thing that every happened to us.
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I went out and bought a new bouque of flowers, My wife just called me because we split the house bills and they are due, I told her on the phone she looked pretty today and she said thank you, I told her I wanted to kiss her lips, she was like you did, she seem to be in a better mood, while on the phone with her. She asked me to call her back with the electric bill amount. It seems to me since I seen her, she has that upbeat attitude, now her GF she is staying with has been flirting with her son and I guess he's pretty talkative to her.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I really think I confuse her, because she tries to get me going and I don't budge. I really think she has been trying to get me to call her a who're or some other name?which I don't think of her like that. I think she is having some sort of break down. When she was talking to me in the garage she kept holding back From crying. I don't think she is plotting right now. I did leave her wondering about my job. Just watch your back. She is very unstable and I suspect the affair is in a free fall. She just scares me to death. I'm watching my back thats for sure. I can't believe I continue to stay calm. I still have not desired a drink through all of this.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I do need Dr. Harley email address, I know someone posted it, I will have to go back and look at my post for it.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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WD,
Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com.
She will e-mail you back. She may ask you to call the show or she and Dr. Harley may answer your question on the broadcast.
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I'm just sitting here at home, Its so quite, I really would like to know what is going on with this wife of mine. I feel like I have been crucified. Does she not see everything that I have been through? to save this marriage. I told a stranger today what had happened to me this last week, I summed it up in a nut shell, and she said you were placed in a hospital for trying to save your marriage. I said yes she was in disbelief, sounds like a person with morales and values.
Last edited by wifedivorcing; 04/07/14 06:22 PM.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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WD,
Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com.
She will e-mail you back. She may ask you to call the show or she and Dr. Harley may answer your question on the broadcast. Thanks, I got the email.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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Morals and values are seen in the light. Your wife is a dark place. That's why they call it the fog.
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I know, I am just thinking, I do have to call her back about the bills, I wondr if I should ask her what was troubling her so much that she blew my phone up? She did say she needed me and I wasn't there for her. I know before you say it she was projecting all her guilt onto me, she was probably just falling apart at the seems.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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Well, she seems to have settled down now that you have acknowledged her.
The real question is not what was troubling her so much that she blew up your phone. Rather, the questions are is she still seeing the POSOM and is she gaslighting you?
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WD,
You've already been through this before with the horrible cheating of your first wife, you decided to stop looking the other way, and the street gang is all upset you've violated their code, too bad for them!
I think your first WW is scared your are going to tell her OMWs the truth. That day is coming.
God Bless
Gamma
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I agree if she comes home or calls to let me know she wants to come home. I will tell her this. Is this a condition for her to come home? NO. IN a typical plan A, you would not keep her out of the home. Here is what Dr. Harley recently wrote about this subject: Great discussion! Here is my opinion on the subject:
Since most men I've counseled are more emotionally and physically resilient than women to the extreme stress that being the victim of an affair creates, I encourage men to fight for their marriage much longer than I would encourage women. What that means is that they are to try to remain in Plan A as long as possible, avoiding Love Busters, and doing what they can to meet her emotional needs. They do that while still living together.
If the husband gets to a point where he cannot take the stress any longer, and must go into plan B, I encourage him to leave the home rather than kicking her out. This strategy is designed to demonstrate his care for her even under the adverse conditions of her betrayal. Since most affairs die a natural death soon after exposure, when she decides to give her marriage a chance to succeed, she remembers his thoughtfulness at a time that he could have been vengeful.
Granted, everything in a husband would encourage him to do the opposite. He wants to punish her for what she did, and let her stew in her own juices. But upon returning, which commonly happens even when a husband acts with vengeance (affairs almost always die a natural death even when the husband acts like a jerk), she will remember the vengeful acts far into the future, making a full recovery much more difficult.
When an unfaithful wife tells a husband to leave, I encourage him to stay as long as he can tolerate the stress. If she decides to leave on her own, I encourage him to let her go. The issue at hand is about kicking her out versus not kicking her out and I strongly recommend not kicking her out.
There are successful accounts of marriages recovering after a husband kicks his wife out, but my opinion is that it is a very risky move. The affair must go so badly that she returns home because she has no other choice. In most marriages, however, women do have choices. When the affair is over, is she drawn to the husband who cared enough about her to let her stay in her own home, or the husband who threw her out on the street? The idea that by letting her stay in the home he is not acting like a man, and she will disrespect him for it, may be true for some women. But the majority would see it as an act of kindness, something they need in their marriage to a man.
I'd be happy to discuss this issue further with anyone who writes me at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com
Best wishes,
Dr. Harley
Last edited by Jedi_Knight; 04/07/14 06:43 PM.
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I agree if she comes home or calls to let me know she wants to come home. I will tell her this. Is this a condition for her to come home? NO. IN a typical plan A, you would not keep her out of the home. According to Dr. Harley, most men are more resilient to being able to put up with a WW and the best Plan A approaches can be accomplished with daily living together contact, as long as Love Busters do not wipe out any advances made to the Love Bank Deposits. Would you still be able to remain calm in direct face of the storm and continued to present yourself as the Best Available Option? LTL
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I find this really interesting. The minute I pull away from her this is what happens she blows my phone up. I call her back and then she doesn't answer. What's that all about. It is a control game.
D-Day 1 - May 4, 2012
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I just talk to her on the phone and she is still in the fogbabble, telling me that what I did was wrong referring to exposing the affair and running her down, not defending her. I continue to tell her I did what I thought was necessary to save our marriage. she continue to ask me how was all this going to save our marriage etc.. I have no answer for her, she is looking for my playbook actually. i asked her if she was still seeing POSOM and she said no. I asked her to come home and she said no and she said b/c I'm there. I asked since she is not seeing the other man if she would right a N/C to POSOM she said three different things, she stated she could right one and then I don't need to do that, and then I don't have to do what your asking. she started to get pretty irrate and angry, I actually told her to stop calling me names and I told her i'm ending the call. Before this I did ask her what was wrong earlier and she said she was having a melt down and she got scared on how she was acting and feeling, remember books were shredded by her. I just listened to her and gave the oh hmm etc.. I did have to end the call.
During this call she continued to ask me how did it work out for me by telling everyone etc.. about saving our marriage, it didn't it just pushed me further, and has caused irrepitable harm that cant be repaired. I just stated our marriage is salvagble and it would take work.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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I just got a long text that stated I should of just stuck to my original plan (making changes etc..) and not going crazy, it would of worked. There was a lot more, i'm just to tired to to type it. I mean she is really giving it to me. she said we are not reconciling. You cant even be straight with me and our divorce will be done soon.
Last edited by wifedivorcing; 04/07/14 07:33 PM.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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I just got a long text that stated I should of just stuck to my original plan (making changes etc..) not going crazy. There was a lot more, i'm just to tired to to type it. Imean she is really giving it to me. she said we are not reconcilling and our divorce will be done soon. You weren't reconciling anyway and her text is a load of fogbabble. Just delete it and go have some PIE! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[quote=wifedivorcing]I just got a long text that stated I should of just stuck to my original plan (making changes etc..) not going crazy. There was a lot more, i'm just to tired to to type it. Imean she is really giving it to me. she said we are not reconcilling and our divorce will be done soon. You weren't reconciling anyway and her text is a load of fogbabble. Just delete it and go have some PIE! [/quote She called me back and wanted to know how exactly what I did was going to work. I just told her this is not the time and I have a lot going on right now. I then went into some LB by telling her how her little ears could make difference if she laid her head on my lap and began to kiss them, rub them etc.. her whole deamenor changed she called me a weirdo in a play full way, I continue to tell her how I would hold her etc.. I was filling her with love. She is so bent on everyone knowing what has happened. I told her one key thing would take care of a lot of this and that is Love, when this love radiates between us and we are standing side by side people will see a loving marriage and that when I will defend her. we then said good night to eachother. I seem to deter her angry mood to a more pleasent mood.
ME46
WW 38
D-day 2/13/14
Ephesians 5:11-13
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.
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