Why is Texas so big?

They need all that room for the ladies with their big hair.

Textbook. She's cake eating. She needs both your cake, and OM's cake within reach so she can have both. If you get too close that endangers OM cake. If you get too far away, she might lose husband-and-home cake.

You meet some needs the OM can't (probably all of them by this point).

The OM met some needs you didn't, on TOP of some you did, giving an added boost and he still has that association in her mind. Think about an inanimate object you are really fond of because it you associate it with something good. I get a lift whenever I see the Starbucks logo - even though the logo itself isn't going to give me a caffeine hit.

I think your Plan A has become so good that OM has become a Starbucks logo without any coffee to offer. The A must have been a battle ground since you exposed. It's pretty obvious he has been hard on her to control you and so hide behind her skirts. Manly.

When she does make contact with him, she doesn't really get that caffeine hit anymore. It's like me going to Starbucks and being told 'no coffee today' or realising over time that the coffee is dud. How long would I still respect the logo? Actually if we're comparing it to an A not only is there no coffee but you get abuse. The frustrated staff scream at you: "When are you going to get it?, you can't just swing by for coffee and go anymore!"

That said, in the meantime she is clearly willing to pull out all the stops to control you for cake eating purposes. So be very wary and lock in any and all legal protection.

I know to protect myself legally. With all that said above, I'm just going to coninue wit plan A from a distance. I just sent her a text that said "Hey Gorgeous! Have a great day All my love XXXX"

She responded and said, "Thank you.you too!" So I will continue to plan A her. Thats all I can do at this point.

If you did nothing the affair would be in full tilt, your marriage couldn't have survived with your wife having a boyfriend even with the positive changes tell her this. let her know her logic is not realistic.
Tell her you were saving herself from her wayward thinking that would ruin her life and in every marriage one partner has to hold the other up and since she was so lost it seemed like it was your only choice to save the marriage.
I think she is really scared of losing both her men and she knows she has to get her act together soon.
I went as afar as signing a separation agreement with the plan my husband was leaving the house and marriage, I think this scared him, I did it to protect myself financially but for him his choices and what he was saying was finally going to be a reality and he was going to have to be in his adultery life instead of ours, he was scared didn't think I could give him another chance even though I said everything you are���.it really boils down to her getting to the breaking point which is what she is doing and finally committing to your marriage again and accepting the comfort and understanding you are offering��I think she is getting there, even though she is all over the place and unstable, I do agree you need to protect yourself first and for most.
she has proved she will do things the wife you married wouldn't do, the fog is still ruling her.
i would give her the list of requirements you need to stay in the marriage and then just let her think a few days on her own about her future, ask her a bit of time to concentrate on your work. Tell her you love her but you need to look after yourself, surely she would understand the aftermath of your horrific experience.
When my husband used to try to blame me for the mess he was in with the exposure and his children I would just quietly say you didn't seem to care about yourself when you were having your affair.. and that choice was not mine���.
that it made no sense to me either that he would want to do that to his own reputation and integrity, I used to say we can survive anything together and when others see me standing with you they will accept us together working on our marriage, but we can't survive you having an affair.
When she seems calmer she is back in her cake eating stage feeling safer because you aren't being threatening about being out of her life with the silence�..
I think you should not answer so quickly give her an hour to think about you not being there any time she needs you��
You can still Plan A when you do speak�.I think the little bit of physical contact where you can is good too��.I used to ask for hugs ��at first he didn't hug back but as time went on it was him who would ask���
Both partners are very stressed and that little bit of comfort is everything and it feels right ��..you want right to become her life again��..slowly with it being her choice

Did you ever get to install a VAR hidden in her car or install cell phone monitoring spyware on her phone?

You should also still install a keylogger on your home computer in the event she does come back, so all of your tools are in place without her being the wiser.

LTL

Hmmm�.I think I'm going to fire up my Keurig and treat myself to a delicious french roast right here at HOME!

indiegirl, you must really be needing some coffee this morning. hahaha. Sbucks sound good right now.

WD, that was a great way to get a point across. In my previous few posts, I was essentially saying that she was responding to your withdrawal. You were told to stay in Plan A though. So, I guess the question is, how do you stay in Plan A and not let her eat cake? (Or at least not as much cake.)

WD,

Did you get to read "Surviving an Affair" before your wife tore it up? Your WW strongly reminds me of Sue in the book.

AM

The more consistent with your attitude that you can be...day in and day out...the more impact it will have on her.

As you can see her mood and emotions are being blown by the wind.

One minute you might have the 'old wife' back and the next an alien. You are doing great. You really are.

It appears to me that you are definitely on the right track.

Again, don't get sucked into her drama. That is a dangerous path.

I never got te var in her car, and her phone has a lock on it. and she never lets it go.

Can you get the VAR and a GPS tracker in her car?

Thats the million dollar ?? How to plan A and not give her so much cake?

I did read the book, I remember a Sue in it, I will download a copy on my phone.

She is going to eat cake so just count on it. In the meantime, are you not a little concerned htat you were held prisoner for 5 days? What is going on with that?

Are you not telling us something? Did you visit the crisis center and tell them something that led them to believe you were cracking up? This story just does not add up. n

I did get a GPS Keylogger, I have to get a new real time GPS

I'm very concerned about this crisis center nonsense, I never told them anything, I told them only what was going on, I'm working on gettng a lawyer who handles this type of issue. This is defientely not over with and yes I'm going to persue this until I get justice.

I can tell you this, I used a swear word while talking to the doctor at the energency room crisis center, He used that in his report, yes I was adgitated I was there for no reason. These doctors have no clue, it was a joke the 5 minutes he talked to me and absolute joke and he had me go to an inpatient facility.

I would NOT tell her this;
She will consider it an insult.

Do you know how hard it is to defend yourself when know one wanted to listen to me at the crisis center or at the hospital. It was very frustrating. So in there eyes every LEO who is going through a divorse, exposes an affair and confronts POSOM is crazy and must go to a crisis center and then mental hospital. It is absolutely nuts that this is what happened.