My husband and I have been married for 22 years. We have 3 children together and he had a child with an ex wife and a child with another woman before we were married.
I feel that my husband is very controlling and he feels that I am very controlling. When I met him, I had a lot of friends (male and female) and this caused a lot of problems. His comment: "Men and women cannot be friends, if they are hanging around each other it is for one reason only." My best friend of over 20 years, I had to end the relationship, to please him. I have no friends and I spend all of my time with him. We even ride to work together. I try to convince him to do things with the men from the church but he will not do it. I no longer have male friends and I have no desire to have any. I make a point to stay far away from men.

Now and for about 7 years we talk about all of the things that I have done wrong in the marriage. He has told me that being married to me is the worst thing he ever did. I am called selfish, evil, dummy, crazy, stupid. slut, whore, etc. He said that our wedding was awful because I had male friends there and I had my sorority sisters there.

We had a discussion a few years ago where he told me about all of affairs that he had. I was floored, shocked and hurt. His thoughts: you should be happy that I was honest and told you about them. I told him that I had never slept with another man since we were married. His comments: every time that you stand around talking with a guy, you are having an affair and there is no way that I have never slept with another man.

It goes on and on. I could go on forever. I tried to leave and I came back. Afraid that if I leave, he will hurt me (he has hit me before).

We started the Marriage Builder program and it did not go well. Because I did not make these big confessions, he felt that I was lying. He told me that I was a lose woman and he knows that I slept with multiple men. He asked me if I was a stripper or prostitute, because he feels that I slip out and do things like that.

Yes, I lie....I hide my feelings. I dare not disagree with him. When I do voice my opinion, I don't hear about it right away. It will be a few weeks, then it is brought up.

Right now, I am not happy. The only joy that I have is spending time with my children (2 are disabled and he blames me for their disabilities).

Your husband is very abusive and Dr Harley would probably tell you to separate from him until he dramatically changes his behavior. The most startling abuse are his affairs and the way he has swept these under the rug. Did he have these affairs while married to you?

In the meantime, I would read this article and strongly consider taking Dr Harley's advice: When to Call It Quits - Part 1

Yes he had the affairs while we dated and while we were married. He even brought the women to my apartment while I was out of town(before we were married). He told me that he would pick up women at the night club, in the grocery store and the gas station. Because of this, he figured that I was being picked up the same way.

I have told him that he is abusive and he says, "yes and I apologized for that. But you area abusive also. You take advantage of my kindness and flaunt your deception in my face."

I read the article and will start the process to save some money. This is scary and I will do my best to leave...

Until then, I spend my time in silence in the house and put on my happy face when we go in public (he doesn't want anyone to know that we are having problems). I will endure the hours and hours of questions about events that happened over 20 years ago. The questioning is so intense and goes on so that I get about 1-3 hours of sleep a night.

Since you have 2 disabled children at home, you would be better off filing a legal separation and getting him to move out. He would have to continue paying the bills. Why don't you check with an attorney and get his help to do this?